Is it normal - 3rd date w/ a girl @movies, she didn't want any physical contact

69% Normal
17 Comments

So, I see this thing that has caught me as a surprise when dating. Unless I'm meeting up with a woman *specifically* to hook up or cuddle, they shun any physical contact other than a hug hello or goodbye.

Outside of casual/hookup stuff, women have always rejected my advances or requests to make physical contact. I figured that it was just a mistake on my part to move on so early, but something else happened.

I went to the movies with this one woman recently. It was our third date, the previous two had been great and our chemistry gets better and better with each date. Halfway through the movie, I leaned in and whispered, "mind if I put my arm around you?" and she replied, "no thanks, I actually hate it [in general]".

Of course, I didn't push it or anything. But at the risk of sounding entitled, that experience left me feeling cold and jaded. I understand that I'm not entitled to her personal space but it seems like it should be the norm during or after a third date.

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 13 votes (9 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 17 )
  • Skarmatic
    4 years ago

    Is it maybe possible that she doesn't like PDA? I know people that can get uncomfortable in public with even holding hands with their significant other or kissing. Don't think too much on it especially if you really think you're into this girl. Maybe when you're more comfortable with each other you can ask her why she felt that way or said that. I don't think it had anything to do with you as a person or else there wouldn't have been a third date!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    4
    4
  • cupcake_wants
    4 years ago

    I don't know about others but I hate it when a guy asks me for a kiss. I also don't want to be asked to put his arm around me either or things like that. If it just happens, it's gotta just flow that way. Like do something small like gently take your finger and touch her hand, or a gentle kiss on the cheek or on the hand. Chemistry is important. If there is chemistry it is mutual. If you find a girl that you feel a good chemistry with, just go with it, but slow. Gentle and slight touches as first. Be gentlemanly!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      I appreciate your answer. The problem is, though, is that I've heard a lot of other women say that I've "violated their personal space" unless I *specifically ask* for physical contact. So, I really don't know what to do. I either have feminists calling me a creep, or another group of women who think I'm not bold enough. So I'm really not sure what to do at this point.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • leggs91200
        4 years ago

        If you have not got any action by the third date, it just ain't happening. Even if you tried, you would just get this bullshit story about "I don't want to ruin our friendship". Sounds like you want to fuck, not make friends.

        I bet the same girl(s) won't be able to keep their legs closed for more than three minutes (let alone three dates) if her next "Date" is some scuzz-bucket.

        I am guessing you have had the misfortune of dating "dinner whores". Those are the ones who will spend time with about anyone so long as they are getting a meal (and maybe a movie) at the expense of someone else.

        A cheaper approach for dates is just go out for a coffee or maybe invite them over. That way if they decide on no physical contact, you are out only the price of a cup of coffee instead of a full dinner.
        Hm, THAT sounded like a charity commercial for one of those old "feed the starving". They cannot really say "For the price of a cup of coffee" cause people might think Starbucks and be like, "Well shit, that amounts to $300 a month! *I* don't even eat that well!"

        But yeah, try to find the least expensive and most convenient dating options so if you do not get laid, you at least haven't wasted much time nor money.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
      • cupcake_wants
        4 years ago

        Do you know if you feel a good chemistry with somebody?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Jasper327
    4 years ago

    Every person is different. There is no "3rd Date" rule. I dated a girl, we had several awesome dates and made out like crazy after one of the dates. But the next date, she gave me her cheek to kiss instead of her mouth. We talked and she said she had a great time with me on the dates, but decided that she didn't like me as a boyfriend (I got friend-zoned). I was a bit hurt, but we remain friends to this day -- she's given me advice on my current girlfriend (who is awesome) and she is still happily single (and celibate).

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Ellenna
    4 years ago

    Just ask her lightly if she also hates physical contact when there's no-one else around. If she says yes, she hates it generally, and its important to you, time to move on.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    She doesn't like it when people put their arms around her, have you got a problem with that?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Ah. We've got an SJW here.

      No, I don't have a problem with it at all, as I've made clear in my post. It just seemed a bit unusual to me, that's all.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • Clunk42
        4 years ago

        I am not an SJW, and I dislike SJWs. And, anyway, I wouldn't even try that on the 3rd date, that's a bit soon. Msybe the 5th, just to be sure.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • leggs91200
          4 years ago

          I already went over that with him but if women are interested in sex, they typically put out real quick. By the third or especially the fifth date they will just pull that crap about "I do not want to ruin our friendship".

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    It's more likely that she just isn't that into you. Like she likes you as a friend and all but not like sexually. Happened to me before and that's what it was.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • raisinbran
    4 years ago

    It means she hates it. Some people do not like public displays of affection.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • zarabell
    4 years ago

    very good answers to your post. I think she was just scared, and no doubt you were too when you ask that. I would presume to assume girls prefer things to happen "naturally" because we men are expected to make those things happen, naturally.. even though there's no easy way. unless you a super experienced fuckboy that knows what he wants, and how to get it. well, personally I hate dating and have little experience, so you could take what I say with a tea-spoon of salt, but there's no correct way to go about dating and physical contact. you both want to try eachother out, but someone needs to make the move, and it will usually be you. what move you make depends on the girl and the situation, sometimes she will give you signs, sometimes she will be turned off, but if you are sincere and go for it things should turn out as they should!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    You asked and she said no. So what? Next time hold hands.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    I wouldn't bother asking her out again. If I were in your shoes.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • DIO
    4 years ago

    She seems to be rather boring.
    You'll either have to be patient or to learn to deal with a frigid girl.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0