If your partner did this would you consider it cheating ?

24 Comments

A couple years ago I (male) was in a relationship (which was very rocky at the time) and I had to travel to another country for a couple of months. We agreed that when I returned we would go to couples counselling.

One night while overseas I met a very attractive woman who made it clear she was interested in me even though I told her I was in a relationship (I think that fact only made her more persistent).

I resisted her at first but she was very persistent and I ended up at her place and after a few drinks was naked in bed with her. I felt her body all over, caressed her breasts and stroked her body, but nothing beyond that. She was beautiful but I couldn't even kiss her because I kept thinking about my GF who I was in love with.

After half an hour or so I got out of bed and told her I couldn't go through with it because I didn't want to ruin my relationship (as it turned out the relationship ended when I returned home anyway).

We didn't continue so I never told my ex about it.

So, my question is: If you knew your partner was naked in bed with someone but they didn't do anything really intimate with them (i.e. not even kissed them) would you consider it cheating?

No - what you described isn't worth worrying about	10
Yes - I'd end the relationship	38
Maybe - I'd stay with them but give them a hard time about it	18
Other (please comment)	2

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Comments ( 24 )

zzyzx

9 years ago

It is cheating because you shared some sexually intimate moments with another women while you were in a relationship with your girlfriend.

Pray she never discovers you did this from anyone else other than you. It would be painful and humiliating for her, even if you both have gone your separate ways.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yes I realise this and felt guilty about it, so I'm not exactly proud of my conduct.
  
  I found out later she was being far less than truthful with me while I was away and was sharing intimate moments with someone else too...
  
  As for her finding out about it, I don't have any contact with her at all now so very unlikely.
  
  thanks for your comment
  
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  - zzyzx
    
    9 years ago
    
    Oh, I thought you made this poll because you were confused about whether or not it would be considered cheating. That was what I based my comment on.
    
    Do you feel any less guilty about it now because you found out that she was unfaithful to you as well? You have my sympathies, by the way. An ex of mine cheated on me and it was two years after we broke up when I found out. We didn't have any contact by that point so my ex never knew I found out. Unlike you, though, I never fooled around with anyone else. Does the tit-for-tat make it easier to cope with?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Thanks for your comment.
      
      Yes I did make this poll to hear other people's view on what constitutes cheating.
      
      I knew in myself, by my own standards that it was cheating, but I am interested to hear other views.
      
      "Do you feel any less guilty about it now because you found out that she was unfaithful to you as well?"
      
      Yes, a little less.
      
      "Does the tit-for-tat make it easier to cope with?"
      
      Again, just a little.
      
      But I have to live with myself and I didn't like that feeling of breaking my own standards for being in a relationship.
      
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      - Ellenna
        
        9 years ago
        
        Stop giving yourself such a hard time! I know it's hard when we don't live up to our own standards 100%, but who does? You're a human who did something he regrets, I think it's time you moved on.
        
        If such a situation arises again and your personal standards haven't changed you'll almost certainly stop it before it starts
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        ok thanks for your comment
        
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  - Ellenna
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'd stop worrying about it if I were you, you were tempted and went a little way and then did a u-turn because of the relationship - sounds very ordinary and human to me.
    
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- Ellenna
  
  9 years ago
  
  Read the post, the relationship ended after he came back from wherever he was
  
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(s)aint

9 years ago

Naked and touching another woman but me? Without me? Oh fuck yes that's cheating.
Cheating doesnt always have to equal sex.

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derpyderp

9 years ago

Of course!
You didn't go through with it but fuck you came close!

Naked in bed, caressing her body?
Kind of intimate in my opinion...

If my girl went that far with another guy (which I know she never would) she may as well fuck him because it would be over anyway if I ever found out.
I'd expect the exact same if the shoe was on the other foot

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yes I did come close!
  But I have no regrets that I didn't go further. I think it would have made me feel more shitty in the long run.
  
  Yes being naked with someone is definitely a degree of intimacy.
  
  I am not making excuses for what I did, I realise it was 'cheating asshole' behaviour at that time and I still have to live with myself after the fact.
  
  However it would have been a much greater degree of intimacy if we were kissing or I was balls deep in her vagina.
  
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- Ellenna
  
  9 years ago
  
  How do you know that "never" is true? As far as I know, despite the wedding vows, there are no guarantees in relationships, people can change you know
  
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Odeen

9 years ago

This is probably influenced by the fact that I don't see why cheating in every case is the end-all relationship killer (I never have and never will cheat, myself), but I think it's fine. You proved your self control by not going through with it.

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VinnyB

9 years ago

Yes, but to me it's moot at this point if you're no longer together.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  To a point yes.
  
  But I still have to live with knowing I've deliberately cheated on someone I was in love with.
  
  It's all history now, and I put it all down to life experience. I'll just add it to the long list of things I've done that have contributed to screwing up my relationships.
  
  Live and learn I suppose.
  
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  - VinnyB
    
    9 years ago
    
    I suspect you're a much nicer person than me, and I respect that.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      I don't know about that. Thank you though, you actually sound like a very decent person yourself from your posts I've read.
      
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      - VinnyB
        
        8 years ago
        
        Thank you, but don't go spreading that around. I would hate for people to think I was anything other than a bitter, mean spirited, self riotous, asshole lol.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        haha ok, I stand corrected!
        
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  - Ellenna
    
    9 years ago
    
    Good luck with the last bit! That's all you can do about it now
    
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Holzman_67

9 years ago

I wouldn't like it much jealousy is a bitch

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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  Me too.
  
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MasakakiKairi

7 years ago

Herp derp let's have sex but no kissing or it's cheating lol

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Angelmikeal

9 years ago

After The Break Up I Would Go Back And Finish The Job If I Could Especially If I Find She Cheated On Me Too

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Are You Normal?

If your partner did this would you consider it cheating ?