If your girlfriend got raped, what would you do in this situation?

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I've been dating this girl for a while and she was a virgin saving herself, we had plans to get marry. She got raped by some drug addict, i don't hold any blame against her and im trying to be as supportive as possible, she is actually coping with it pretty well considered the circumstances, almost as if it traumatized me more than it traumatized her. The issue is she might be pregnant, it happened right during her ovulation, and she is having morning sicknesses and stomach cramps, and she says if she is pregnant, she's gonna keep it. I want to be able to be with her more than anything in the world, but asides the fact that we are both in our early 20s, im just starting to get on my feet holding a normal (but still entry level) job and she is unemployed, i know i wont be able to raise this child as my own even if its innocent, i would look at it and remember that man and what happened, i have no idea what to do here, i know i have no right to pressure her into terminating the pregnancy, and at the same time if she keeps it and we stay together it will be bad for everyone. Dont get me wrong, i love children, but seeing this one around i will never be able to forget, in short im just lost and i would appreciate some advice but only from older people or people who had some real experience like this either with them or someone they know, what would you do and what do you think i should do in this situation.

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Comments ( 30 )
  • KnightNigelWellingtonXXI
    10 years ago

    I'd get rid of the child. It isn't mine and I don't think I'll ever "learn" to love it. I wouldn't want to spend money on something that isn't even mine. Abortion would be preferable in this case.

    Signed,
    Knight Nigel Wellington XXI

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  • lufa
    10 years ago

    If the rapist was caught and is serving an adequate amount of time in jail, I think that is punishment enough. Otherwise I'd probably find the fucker and castrate him or worse if I thought I could get away with it. In my view a rape is no different that murder and rapists deserve death.

    As for the rape-baby, imagine if instead of sperm, he had a syringe and had tied her up and injected her with a parasite or virus, would you not want to get rid of it and take her to the hospital to do so, or would you accept your lot?

    Imagine how life would be for the baby-to know it was a product of rape. If you give it up, it's life will be hellish, going from state care to who knows what-it will become depressed or mentally ill, or could become a future rapist.

    Whether or not you're working, the only sensible solution in this case is abortion. Tell your gf you love her but you're not going to raise a child that was not your own and was forced on you by a degenerate. She wants to keep it because of biology, the hormones are keeping her from thinking rationally.

    Do everything in your power to make her have the abortion. If she refuses then leave her-if she's going to be irrational about this, then you can expect such behavior on other important decisions. The baby's 'innocence' is irrelevant, all babies are innocent-best to terminate the pregnancy while it's still a fetus/before it's too late.

    I just can't believe that people here would seriously consider raising this child. If someone left an 8 yr old boy in a wheelchair with downs syndrome at your door, are you obligated to take care of it, because it was left in front of your home? Lol at the retarded logic.

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    • GuessWho
      10 years ago

      ^ This Exactly. Good point.

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      • lufa
        10 years ago

        Thanks-glad we agree.

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    • Charmo
      10 years ago

      >lols at "retarded logic."
      >Uses both slippery slope and false equivalency fallacies to justify his viewpoint.

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      • lufa
        10 years ago

        bro, I minored in philosophy bro, let's see you actually demonstrate what I said was fallacious, rather than cut/paste some fallacies you read off wikipedia.

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        • Charmo
          10 years ago

          A philosophy minor, eh? I never would have guessed, given how poor your reasoning is here.

          "As for the rape-baby, imagine if instead of sperm, he had a syringe and had tied her up and injected her with a parasite or virus, would you not want to get rid of it and take her to the hospital to do so, or would you accept your lot?"
          How would YOU like to explain how a virus, a non-living thing, shares enough similarities to a baby for your analogy to be apt? Keep in mind, superficial similarities alone are not enough for two things to be considered analogous. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pro-lifer certainly, but to equivocate having an abortion to curing a disease is simply ignorant.

          "Imagine how life would be for the baby-to know it was a product of rape. If you give it up, it's life will be hellish, going from state care to who knows what-it will become depressed or mentally ill, or could become a future rapist."
          That's a lot of "what-ifs" there. The problem here is I could just as easily say "what if this baby is adopted by a loving family and grow up to live a long and happy life, and by aborting it, you are denying it that?" Or, "what if this baby will grow up to be a great person who will change the world and touch the lives of many others?" Why don't we stay out of the realm of nebulous hypotheticals and stick to reality, all right?

          "Do everything in your power to make her have the abortion. If she refuses then leave her"
          This is HER decision to make. Not his, and certainly not yours. He might want to get her to consider all the factors at play here, but to suggest that he try to coerce her into aborting it against her wishes with threats of abandonment is just... Honestly, I can't think of any other word to describe it than evil.

          "If someone left an 8 yr old boy in a wheelchair with downs syndrome at your door, are you obligated to take care of it, because it was left in front of your home?"
          Again, false equivalency, for two reasons: One, part of the reason you would not be obligated is because that 8-year-old boy is someone else's child. That child is not your family, he is a stranger, and not your responsibility. This reasoning does not apply to this particular case. That baby IS family, it is HER child she is carrying, and she is its de facto guardian. And two, since your argument is that because you say it is not her responsibility she is justified in aborting it, does that mean the person in your scenario is justified in shooting the 8-year-old boy in the head, since he's not that person's responsibility?

          "She wants to keep it because of biology, the hormones are keeping her from thinking rationally."
          [...]
          "If she refuses then leave her-if she's going to be irrational about this, then you can expect such behavior on other important decisions."
          [...]
          "I just can't believe that people here would seriously consider raising this child."
          [...]
          "Lol at the retarded logic."
          And this right here is why I mocked you. If you had just presented your poorly thought out arguments and left it at that, I wouldn't have said anything. But to take it a step further and attack both her and anyone with a differing viewpoint was just too dickish to ignore. You seem to think that this is a black and white issue, that abortion is the right choice here and anyone who thinks differently is either irrational or using "retarded logic." This is not a clear-cut case, with a "right" decision and a "wrong" decision. We all hold our different opinions on the subject, and while I personally think that I would carry it to term were I in that situation, I wouldn't pass judgement on her if she did decide to have an abortion. But to think that your opinion is the only "right" one and then back up that stance with poorly thought out reasoning while attacking those who disagree is pompous in the highest degree.

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          • lufa
            10 years ago

            And here, I thought I'd actually get some kind of critique based on reason. Instead I get the whining of a pro-lifer who disagrees with my view. LOL

            Please don't try to pretend you're actually an intellectual when really you're just another dumb schmuck with a biased opinion-thanks for the laughs though. Now to shred your shoddy points:

            "How would YOU like to explain how a virus, a non-living thing, shares enough similarities to a baby for your analogy to be"

            I didn't compare the virus to a baby, but to a sperm, learn to read. Secondly viruses behave as living organisms when they enter a cell, you're out of your depth here.

            A zygote is essentially a parasite which clings to the lining of a uterus and turns into a baby, so my analogy was perfectly apt.

            But the general point, which your tiny mind failed to grasp here is that if someone does something unwanted to you and it can be reversed, you don't have to live with those consequences-as I'm sure you're suggesting, otherwise why argue with me?

            "or what if this baby will grow up to be a great person who will change the world and touch the lives of many others?" Why don't we stay out of the realm of nebulous hypotheticals and stick to reality, all right?"

            Probably one of your stupidest statements so far. You present me with another hypothetical, then tell me to stick to reality. lol Actually statistically a person who has a bad life is more likely to become a rapist/serial killer than another Einstein. So in fact reality is on my side not yours.

            "but to suggest that he try to coerce her into aborting it against her wishes with threats of abandonment is just...evil."

            Obviously it's her decision, which is why I told him to try to convince her to abort and leave her if she doesn't. Did I tell him to punch her in the gut and cause a miscarriage?

            What is truly disgusting is you trying to force her to keep a child that resulted from non-consensual sex, ie-rape. So you're supporting the rapist's actions by forcing her to keep the baby, you're the evil one here, you rapist lover.

            "That baby IS family, it is HER child she is carrying, and she is its de facto guardian"

            You have a very sick and demented idea of what constitutes a family. Next thing you'll be telling us is that she has no choice but to marry the rapist, since he's part of the family too-is he not the father by rape, does he not have rights? Mind you, this is what the psychotic Islamic states do to women-congrats, you're as fucked up as they are.

            While half the genes are the mother's the other half come from the rapist-that were unwanted and were literally forced into her body. I'm assuming this how you hope to be impregnated yourself? If not then stfu.

            "This is not a clear-cut case, with a "right" decision and a "wrong" decision."

            Actually it is. This isn't like moving the furniture around the house. Having a baby is gigantic, life-changing decision. It's a whole other ball-game when that baby was forced on you and no you don't have to carry the baby of a rapist around, just because it happens to be in your body.

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            • Charmo
              10 years ago

              "And here, I thought I'd actually get some kind of critique based on reason. Instead I get the whining of a pro-lifer who disagrees with my view. LOL"
              [...]
              "I'm not a pro-lifer"
              [...]
              "I wouldn't pass judgement on her if she did decide to have an abortion."
              [...]
              "This is HER decision to make."
              Do pro-lifers typically advocate allowing women to choose whether or not they should have an abortion? Because I always thought those were characteristics of someone who was in favour or pro-choice... Tell me, were you legitimately confused with regards to my stance or were you merely being disingenuous and think that framing me as a pro-lifer would somehow help your argument?

              "why argue with me?"
              I understood the point, and I agree with it. What you failed to understand is that the similarities between a sperm/zygote and a virus are too slim for your analogy to be apt. A virus is not a living creature. A virus will not grow into a sapient being. Most people would not have moral qualms with destroying a virus, whereas many would (and do) with a zygote. These are all things your analogy fails to take into account, and hence why it is a poor analogy.

              "Probably one of your stupidest statements so far. You present me with another hypothetical, then tell me to stick to reality. lol"
              Once again, you argue against a misinterpretation. I was not using nebulous hypothetical scenarios to construct an argument, as you have done, I was demonstrating WHY they are not a good way to construct an argument. Of course, had you actually quoted me fully rather than cherry-picking, that would have been apparent.

              "Actually statistically a person who has a bad life is more likely to become a rapist/serial killer than another Einstein. So in fact reality is on my side not yours."
              So you have somehow managed to definitively determine that this child will have a bad life, and thus, statistics show that you are more likely correct? Would you care to explain how you managed to do that?

              "Obviously it's her decision, which is why I told him to try to convince her to abort and leave her if she doesn't."
              Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding here. What I believe the correct thing to do, as I stated, is "to get her to consider all the factors at play here [so that she may make an informed decision]" Would you agree with this? You said "Do everything in your power to make her have the abortion." I would assume that entails the above, but would you advocate going beyond that? If so, in what way?

              "What is truly disgusting is you trying to force her to keep a child that resulted from non-consensual sex, ie-rape. So you're supporting the rapist's actions by forcing her to keep the baby, you're the evil one here, you rapist lover."
              Would you like to point out precisely where I did any of those things you mentioned? Or are you going to stick to making stuff up and resorting to childish name-calling?

              "You have a very sick and demented idea of what constitutes a family. Next thing you'll be telling us is that she has no choice but to marry the rapist, since he's part of the family too-is he not the father by rape, does he not have rights? Mind you, this is what the psychotic Islamic states do to women-congrats, you're as fucked up as they are."
              Since you seem to be well-informed with regards to my ideas of family based on one post, would you care to explain in detail what they are and show why they are wrong? (Oh, and by the way: When arguing against someone who claims you have been making slippery slope arguments, try not to include that very fallacy in your rebuttal. Just trust me on this one.)

              "Actually it is."
              Explain. Saying it is so does not make it so.

              "This isn't like moving the furniture around the house. Having a baby is gigantic, life-changing decision. It's a whole other ball-game when that baby was forced on you and no you don't have to carry the baby of a rapist around, just because it happens to be in your body."
              I agree 100%.

              What seems to be the core of our disagreement in general is that even though we are apparently both essentially pro-choice, our interpretation of what that means exactly is different. My stance is that in a case like this, the victim has the choice to decide whether or not she should carry the baby to term. It is her decision to make, and no one else's and forcing her to do something she doesn't want to (with regards to having an abortion) is immoral. Your stance, and please (and I mean this sincerely), correct me if I am wrong, is that in a case like this, the victim should have an abortion, regardless of her personal feelings on the matter, because that is what you feel you would do in that situation, and that those close to her should do everything in their power to make her think the way you do. The problem I have with this is that you are not really giving her full freedom to choose here. In theory, she has a choice. But if she makes the "wrong" choice (wrong, in this case being "the choice lufa doesn't agree with"), she should be shunned and ridiculed. Thus, if she feels differently than you, she is being unfairly coerced into making a decision that she doesn't agree with to avoid the negative consequences she is being threatened with.

              Lastly, I don't care if you were taught that it was proper to use strawmen, personal attacks and name-calling in an argument when you were being taught philosophy, but I would repectfully ask that you try to restrain yourself from doing those things in the future with me. I feel that they add nothing constructive to the argument at hand and only serve to distract from the issues.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    10 years ago

    You're both young. You have no financial obligation to this child and she is unemployed. You're going to wind up stressing and paying for something that's entirely her problem. Leave her.

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  • Darkoil
    10 years ago

    Regardless of the rape she is unemployed and as such should not be having a baby.

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    • Justsomejerk
      10 years ago

      Even if she was employed, she would likely put her career on hold to raise the child, and as such your comment makes little sense.

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      • Darkoil
        10 years ago

        By the sounds of it she doesn't have a career and the op has a shit job so how exactly are they going to afford bring up a child correctly? People should have job security, savings and possibly own their own house before having a child.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          I don't have a shit job, its not McDonnalds, i work in hi-tech, but i started not too long ago and still didn't have a chance to advance so im on a starter's salary which is about 40% higher than the minimum wage, within a year ill be making twice the minimum wage. I dont think people here understand the real issue, which is not the money.

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  • GuessWho
    10 years ago

    Rape is the only case where I support an abortion.

    I believe that no pregnancies due to consensual sex should be aborted, but all pregnancies due to rape should.

    The rapist basically fucks up your whole life even after the crime if you choose to raise his child.

    I would be supportive of her recovery from the trauma, but I would leave her if she wanted to have the rapist's child.

    -- Just my opinion.

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    • Charmo
      10 years ago

      "all pregnancies due to rape should [be aborted]."
      So if a rape victim decided to carry their baby to term, you would advocate physically and emotionally violating her, penetrating her vaginally without her consent, and potentially have her live with guilt and shame because of that act for the rest of her life?
      Hmm, why does that sound so familiar...?

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      • GuessWho
        10 years ago

        No.

        I'm just of the opinion that a rapist doesn't deserve to plant his seed and have it grow.
        I believe the correct decision would be to abort it in the early stages.
        I could just never be personally accepting of the choice to willingly bring a rapist's child into the world.

        Other than that, pregnancies due to consensual sex should not be aborted, because people should take responsibility for their actions. They shouldn't fuck if they're not willing to care for the child.

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        • Charmo
          10 years ago

          Just so we're clear, when you said "all pregnancies due to rape SHOULD [emphasis added]" be aborted, what you meant was you believe abortion would be correct in cases like this, and although you do not understand why someone would carry it to term, you are supportive of them having that option?

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          • GuessWho
            10 years ago

            No, I am not supportive of carrying a rape induced pregnancy to term.
            I cannot personally approve of that choice.

            It doesn't mean that people shouldn't have that option, but I wouldn't be supportive of someone that chose it.

            I believe abortion to be the correct choice for pregnancies resulting from rape and carrying it to term to be the correct choice for pregnancies resulting from consensual sex.
            No exceptions. That's my opinion.

            Now; Shoo troll, shoo.

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        • lufa
          10 years ago

          Charmo is one of those pro-life rapist loving dumbasses.

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          • GuessWho
            10 years ago

            I figured as much.

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            • Charmo
              10 years ago

              I am not, and please do not assume that I am. Doing so would only make you look foolish. Trust me, the last time I made an assumption about someone without having all the facts, I ended up insinuating that they advocated forced abortions for rape victims.

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  • Charmo
    10 years ago

    Tell her to put it up for adoption. She's in no position to be raising a child.

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  • Holzman67
    10 years ago

    They say having a baby is life changing you could learn to love this child in time. Depends how much you want to stick by this girl. If you can't talk het out of it and want to stay with her then that's your only option. Otherwise, leave her.

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  • Elliemental
    10 years ago

    Stay with her for as long as your both happy, if she decideds against adoption after the birth and you look at this baby on the first day of it's life, if you find can't care for this child, then I doubt even she would blame you for leaving.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    10 years ago

    Money is not the main issue here, i dont make much but its a decent start with opportunity to go up. Its not a question of her career, we were planning to have a family with many children, not gonna be easy but doable. If she was with a child when i met her it wouldn't be an issue. Its the fact how this happened that is the real issue, this child is innocent yet it will always remind me of the father and what he done, i could never love this child and treat it like my own kids, and if this child is born it deserved better, its not guilty of what his father done, and should be brought up by somebody who can accept it. I love this woman more than anything in the world and i do want to stay with her, but if the child is born, it shouldn't suffer. She says now she is willing to give it up for adoption to some wealthy family, but she got too much of mother's instincts and i know her well enough to know that when she give birth she will change her mind, she is pro-choice and yet she refuse to get an abortion even though she was raped and its an extremely early stage, not even a week yet but the home pregnancy test showed positive. Forget the financial part here, suppose you were wealthy and in this situation, what would you do?

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    • BallsToWall
      10 years ago

      This is a hard one. I was gonna suggest adoption as you said but it's true, seeing her child would definitely change her mind in a second. I think the question is not whether she'll have the baby or not, since that's completely up to her in the end. The main question is whether you love her enough to accept her with her "rape child" or if you're gonna leave her. I personally think it's insane to have (or keep) a baby from someone who raped you. It would drive me crazy. If I was you I'd leave her no matter how much it would hurt. The situation is too damn complicated. That's my advice but whatever you choose best of luck.

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    • RomeoDeMontague
      10 years ago

      Most people have children in their 20s so you will not be frowned upon for keeping it. Depending on how long ago if she doesn't want it might be able to use the morning after pill. If she wants the kid do not nag her to get rid of it just to make yourself happy. If you can not keep the child you could give it up for adoption. Also you should not blame the child for your girlfriend being raped. It is not the child s fault for being born. I think if your girlfriend wants the baby and you have money you should try to make it work. So I would say just buck up and deal with it. It is wrong to blame someone for being born.

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