If you found out your partner was once a hooker, would you leave her?

71 Comments

I met my wife in a brothel 20 years ago. Prostitution is legal where I live. I chose her because she was beautiful, charming, and articulate with a great sense of humor. I became her regular client for several months. I then told her that I'd fallen in love with her and had too much self-respect to pay money to sleep with someone that I was in love with. I gave her an ultimatum: never see me again, or call me. I didn't hear from her for ages. Then one day, I got a call and my heart skipped a beat. We began dating and moved in together soon after. I won't lie and say it was easy; the first six months were difficult because she had psychological problems stemming from an unhappy childhood and a narcotics problem (which she later overcame). She warned me what I was getting into but I was a naive, white, middle-class professional; I had little knowledge of the dark underbelly of this world we live in.
A year later, we went to my friend's engagement party and someone recognized her, told everyone, and destroyed her entire reputation. My friends pressured me to dump her because they were concerned for my career but I secretly kept living with her. It's now twenty years later, and we're happily married with three children. My friends eventually got over it and they love her now. She has been a wonderful wife and the money she made form working enabled me to start my own firm which eventually led to me being very professionally successful.

Yes. She deceived me by not telling me.	48
Yes. She's been sullied by hundreds of other men.	83
Yes. Too risky for my prof rep to have such a partner	14
No. She is entitled to keep her secrets.	49
No. I love her so it wouldn't matter.	265

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 71 )

mrsmith93

11 years ago | pl

Personally I think if you love someone, you shouldn't have a reason to not be together - my partner was 16 when we first started dating and i got a lot of stick about it, but at the end of the day, i loved her to bits and that didn't matter.

Basically, none of knows how our lives are going to turn out, I'm sure as a kid she didn't want to be a hooker when she grew up, but still it happened, she met you, you two started dating, had kids etc. So think of it this way, if she wasn't a hooker, would you have ever met her? All the joy and happiness in your life have came from her so why would you leave something thats amazing?

Comment Hidden ( show )

9

9
dude_Jones

11 years ago

Your story *is* a happy ending. Keep working hard to take good care of each other.

Comment Hidden ( show )

5

5
nightmare28

11 years ago

You can take a hooker out of the brothel, but you can't take the brothel out of a hooker.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  There are a million sayings like that, i.e. "You can take the boy out of the farm, but you can't take the farm out of the boy." Like most conventional wisdom, they are not necessarily true. Read Cary Grant's life story. Change happens to everybody and it usually happens slowly. But after 20-30 years, the cumulative gradual change amounts to a phenomenal amount. A person can be unrecognizable in words and deeds after 20-30 years.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
  - nightmare28
    
    11 years ago
    
    From your story it seems like she kept hooking until the quality of her product sank so low she could barely give it away, and then she found another option. tell me, if you would go broke for some reason and someone would offer her some money to spread her legs, do you really believe she isn't going to?
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      Actually, the quality of the product keeps increasing as the woman gets older because they get better and better at what they do. Some girls are amazingly skillful and knowledgeable in what they do/offer and their nurturing and conversational skills are formidable. These skills only improve as they get older. The truth is that most men see hookers because they're lonely and they need a cuddle and someone to talk to about their problems. Not all, but most.
      It's certainly true that once a woman hits a certain age, she doesn't look as good. But that can be 50, if she looks after herself. My wife still looks fantastic because she keeps out of the sun, works out everyday and keeps her weight at a low, healthy level.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      5
      
      5
Mando

11 years ago

Well you knew your wife's background so that would be different than suddenly finding out. And while there may be a hint of redemptive pride in your story I have to respect your courage. Falling in love with a sex worker. Challenging her with your feelings for her. Standing up to the negative reactions of your social circle. Facing her demons with her. And creating a lasting marriage and family together.

I am not a prude about prostitution and believe it should be legal and regulated. But that's because the alternative is awful: street workers, pimps, crime and health problems. I doubt I could take a chance that a woman who made a living serving others sexually would pursue an exclusive relationship in marriage. But you did and it worked out. Congratulations.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
thinkingaboutit

11 years ago

And no one mentions that he has sex with prostitutes. interesting.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Like 92% of men have (in my country). 92% of men here have seen a hooker at least once. I don't know what the stats are for the US. Probably a bit lower because it's not legal but it would still be very high.
  You can work it out yourself, approximately. Just count up the number of advertisements and girls on the street. Assume they each see 10 clients a week. Divide that number by the number of males in the population. Then assume each male visits five times a year. You will be amazed at the number you get.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - thinkingaboutit
    
    11 years ago
    
    so, your point is that it is a lucrative business. I know it is.
    
    it's as shameful (socially) to sleep with a prostitute, as it is to be a prostitute.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
- Mando
  
  11 years ago
  
  Wow - I admit it - mia culpa - that went right by me! Sexist blinders. Hmmm .. IIN that a prostitute would marry a regular customer? Excellent and telling observation!
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    11 years ago
    
    Mea culpa. It's not normal for a hooker to have sex with a customer for free if he has no money.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Mando
      
      11 years ago
      
      The plot thickens! Actually it doesn't cause it was a long time ago and that's a lot of water under the bridge. None of it matters. But the perspective of prostitute and customer as equals in a transformation to lovers/life partners was valid.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
q25t

11 years ago

How has no one mentioned the STD/STI's yet? That's truthfully the only reason I would consider leaving. If she/he has had that many partners, then the chances are terrible of not coming away with something.

I don't think I'd have a problem if it was a few dates in and then they dropped the news but if it was much later with a sex life and all that, then I would be pissed.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- LilyAmongTheThorns
  
  11 years ago
  
  20 years later and they have children... and you think the risk of mystery STDs is still around??
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    11 years ago
    
    depends on where they are.
    
    if it's in Nevada where it's legal, the medical requirements for checkups are very strict.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
  - q25t
    
    11 years ago
    
    I was answering the question in the title and treating the rest like an explanation of where the question came from.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
  - Imsupernormal
    
    11 years ago
    
    Maybe he caught an STD from her and doesn't know it? You do know that many people who have STDs are not even aware of it, right?
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - LilyAmongTheThorns
      
      11 years ago
      
      It's 20 years.
      
      Two decades.
      
      People should probably have had a regular checkup loooooong before, her previous occupation would not be the problem if they had a two-decade old STD. Not knowing how to take care of your body would be the problem.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
- SuperBenzid
  
  11 years ago
  
  Where I live prostitution is legal and I have heard that prostitutes are actually safer than the regular person because they always practice safe sex and get regular check ups. Just saying that where prostitution is legal the rate of STDs in prostitutes is very low.
  
  I know that might seem strange if you come from a place where prostitution is illegal though because it makes a big difference.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - q25t
    
    11 years ago
    
    Huh. I had no idea. The more you know.
    
    Kind of makes my point entirely invalid.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    11 years ago
    
    Same here. They aren't allowed to work unless they show weekly test results from the doctor. Epidemiological data shows that the working girls in my country have a lower incidence of STDs than the general adult, sexually active population. I think that would surprise a lot of the posters here.
    Another thing is that most of the STDs that people contract are curable in the short term so are only a minor inconvenience. (Two-thirds of sexually active adults in my country have had an STD). The only STDs that can cause long-term problems are AIDS, Hepatitis B, HPV, and Herpes.
    Herpes attacks become less frequent and intense as time goes on and can be completely prevented by a healthy, stress-free lifestyle and antiviral meds.
    HPV (Human Papilloma Virus, ie genital warts) is completely eradicated by laser treatment. It CAN lead to cervical cancer but you'd have to be pretty unlucky. With regular Pap smears, the prognosis is excellent.
    Hepatitis B is uncommon and AIDS is ridiculously uncommon between a hetero couple using condoms. (I am a medical professional so this isn't just opinion. It's all fact, in my country.)
    Of course, there are the street girls and other freelance workers, who aren't forced to see doctors but she never did that.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
zelskid

11 years ago

Guess your sex life is AAAAA

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Sog

11 years ago

Personally, I don't think I would be able to fall in love with someone under those circumstances, but I find your story to be inspirational.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
AgentDitalini

8 years ago

I am confused about this question. You knew all along and were okay with it; loved her enough to get married and things turned out good. Except for her reputation getting ruined. Since the idea of your wife previously being with many other men doesn't bother you, in my opinion there is no reason for you to leave her. Unless she has a disease she was hiding from you. That might be unforgivable.....
Personally, I would not seek companionship with a sex worker in the first place let alone fall in love with one. But to each their own!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
alextsang08

9 years ago

Well I guess... Since she was a hooker, she must have a nice rack! Totally worth it.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
hybee

11 years ago

You're happily married, got three kids and a nice life. Who cares what's normal? You saw what you wanted and went out and got it. Good for you - and her.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
caralho

11 years ago

I might date a hooker so I can start a firm too.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
likesToHarassKittens

11 years ago

being a sex worker is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just that people are insecure about their sexuality and look for scapegoats.

I have always found most women to be faithful once they fall in love with you. Whatever they did before that, who cares, I wasn't around then so they had to make do with what was available.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
1000yrVampireKing

11 years ago

That is really petty. That is an idiotic reason to leave someone. Now if it was a pedophile, killer, rapist something that could create danger to you or loved one possibly. If it was something like hooking you can not do anything about the fact she had sex with those people. It is not putting you in danger so it is really petty. Also what if she had a reason for hooking? Maybe she was poor and needed the money. She was just a hooker. Those people paid for her services and not like it was forced.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
GEVDEV

11 years ago

This feels like a thread written by Tyrion Lannister

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
ucipher8

11 years ago

so do you mean she continued to prostitute while you were together? I mean you met her in a brothel, so its not like you didn't know. whats four years later, hell actually make that 20!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
boston12

11 years ago

at least in the begining she was smart enuf to get paid for it. so many people give themselves away dont use protection and pass around the sti's everyweekend.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
zeadonk

11 years ago

My advice: Don't live based in others' opinion. If you do, you will never be happy because you can't please everybody.

She is not engaging in prostitution since she has you. You made a choice for yourself.

This is how I look at it. Women who aren't prostitute still engage in extra marital affair, which is worst. At least, your wife wasn't pretending to be... You knew who she was.

You could be married to someone who was not a prostitute, but may be not the same as your wife.

It's her past...drop it and love her with your three kids unconditionally.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
AwkwardlyMe

11 years ago

what you ask as the question, and the story you give after are a little confusing... But either way...

In regards to the actual question, if i was seeing a guy (i'm a lady, so yeah...) that was once a prostitute and i had no knowledge, as in i didn't meet him in that environment; as long as he'd quit and not contracted some incurable, life-threatening STD, if i loved, and wanted to create a life with him, i'd get over it. It HIS past.; As long as it doesn't affect our relationship and he knows he needs to be 100% faithful to only me... the past is the past... people are entitled to their secrets.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
stupidassholeguy

11 years ago

Hell no. Don't you feel lucky? Very few men get to MARRY a hooker. You should feel extremly lucky.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Handfield

11 years ago

I guess she changed. Someone needs to give her a chance and trust her for the great person she is. However, i'm not the the person who would give her a chance. But if you love her and believe she is fully yours, great! After all, you've been with her a long time. And if she wasn't serious, i don't think she would of had 3 children. Best of luck to you my friend!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
veggie86

11 years ago

It's not like she kept it from you. If my partner was dishonest about their past, especially with something like that, it would be a deal breaker. If they were upfront from the beginning, then it wouldn't matter. I'm glad you stayed with her :)

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

11 years ago

I don't see where she deceived you

1) You knew she was a hooker already - you were her client at the brothel.

2) Another man recognized her yes - but that doesn't mean he'd fucked her recently. He could have very well been her client back before you started dating.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Sailor_Cosmos

11 years ago

Love is never wrong. People come with all kinds of baggage and history. Just because someone had a shady past doesn't mean they are a bad person or garbage that should be tossed aside. No one has the right to judge anyone, as Jesus said (and no I'm not religious at all) "He without sin cast the first stone". If you are ok with her past and it hasn't really affected your marriage who cares what other people think! The problem nowadays is that people care too much about what other people think of them. The most freedom you could ever give yourself is to stop, like truly stop caring what other people think and follow your bliss...whatever it may be.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
kelili

11 years ago

I once had a lover who was twice my age who told me that he fell in love with a prostitute once. He was living in one of the Caribbean Island and they have lived together for some times. The lady would go to work then came home. He had no problem with it. He have even wrote a book about his life there. A good book. I don't know if it has been published.

The story ended and he married another woman. He told me that he tried to look for her before he married in vain. She couldn't be found and he got no news of her again till now.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
NeuroNeptunian

11 years ago

Well, I am a female, but hypothetically, if I were with a woman and I found out she was a hooker, well, it wouldn't bother me. If we're happy now and I love her now than now is what matters... also, if she doesn't have VD and hasn't given me a horrible one. That's all I'd really be worried about.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
KeddersPrincess

11 years ago

My boyfriend is a hooker right now.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- zelskid
  
  11 years ago
  
  get him tested
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
redneckgirl1507

11 years ago

I'm a girl but if I found out my boyfriend was a gigolo, it would bother me but I don't think I would leave him if we had a good relationship.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
[Old Memory]

11 years ago

her past is not so bad , a murderer or animal torturer would be a different matter, anyhow good story and nice outcome

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- [Old Memory]
  
  11 years ago
  
  "Oh honey I forgot to tell you, I used to torture animals"
  
  "That's nice dear, did they have fun?"
  
  "no..."
  
  "oh well I think you do a great job darling, you work so hard, you're bound to get that promotion"
  
  "what!?!"
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - Justsomejerk
    
    11 years ago
    
    Honey, I used to have sex for money....with animals....who didn't enjoy it....then I killed them.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    3
    
    3
    - [Old Memory]
      
      11 years ago
      
      "That's nice dear, did you pick up the milk?"
      
      "Yes....AnD ThEn I KiLlEd It!!!"
      
      "well that's not funny, I want a coffee"
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      2
      
      2
      - dude_Jones
        
        11 years ago
        
        Tommy is talking to his alter ego again. Intelligent people live inside of Tommy's head.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
        
        -
        
        [Old Memory]
        
        11 years ago
        
        Shhhhhhh they'll hear you.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
    - Imsupernormal
      
      11 years ago
      
      ^^^This!
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
AbnormallyAwesome

11 years ago

I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand the story. You knew she was a prostitute from the beginning, right? You didn't "find out" about it, you were her client. And then you seem to have both overcome your tragic past and became a family - Which is heartwarming. Why would you leave her now? Did I miss something?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
pieman_69

11 years ago

yes i would bang her harder

Comment Hidden ( show )

-3

-3
Booty_Smores

11 years ago

I guess you now have an STD.

Comment Hidden ( show )

-5

-5
- zeadonk
  
  11 years ago
  
  My female friend who is very loyal to her husband has a STD. Now, they are divorced. She found out that her husband has been sleeping with one of his coworkers. They're highly paid people. ;-)
  
  Btw., STD is not exclusive to prostitutes. Professional prostitutes get check regularly whereas non-prostitute only once a year. Lol.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
squeallikeasacofpigs

11 years ago

Dude, marrying a hooker!? STANDARDS MAN!!

Comment Hidden ( show )

-7

-7
- VioletTrees
  
  11 years ago | pl
  
  Sex workers aren't worth any less as people than anybody else.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  12
  
  12
  - squeallikeasacofpigs
    
    11 years ago
    
    Ohh yea you're so right man, I forgot about those sex workers that are worth as much as the President....
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    -7
    
    -7
    - Justsomejerk
      
      11 years ago
      
      Ha! You are trolling right?
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
- Thebend
  
  11 years ago
  
  Tell us a bit about your "standards".
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - squeallikeasacofpigs
    
    11 years ago
    
    How bout no bitch
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    -1
    
    -1
    - Thebend
      
      11 years ago
      
      You did sound like more mouth than substance.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - squeallikeasacofpigs
        
        11 years ago
        
        Of course I do, you're so right, you pretentious little shit.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        -3
        
        -3
        
        -
        
        Thebend
        
        11 years ago
        
        Shame, What did I pretend you judgemental empty retard?
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
        
        See More Comments =>
likesToHarassKittens

11 years ago

I dated a prostitute for 3 years, and yes I paid her the whole time. Fortunately it was in Thailand and only cost me $90 a week. Man oh man, it's hard going back to dating normal women after that experience. My prostitute girlfriend would listen to me talk for hours on end, clean the house, suck my dick whenever I tell her to, let me ass fuck her, knew how to turn me on. One phone call and she'd be around at a moments notice, and shed leave anytime I told her to, and I could send her to the store to buy me stuff anytime I wanted. She was smoking hot and she was a real sweetheart too. it was unbelievable, absolutely worth it. A woman is like an internet connection, there is free internet out there but annoying ads pop up at you, the service doesn't work half the time and when it does it's slow. That's a lot like dating a normal girlfriend.

I'm working hard on my business all the time so that I can go back again in a year or two.

In the meantime I sorta chat with normal women and have been on a few dates sorta hoping that I might find something decent going the free route but so far not so much.

premium service is totally worth paying for.

I don't treat woman like sex objects but I'm practical, part of being a man. so if your a woman and your angry about this, just ask yourself, what are you really angry about ?

Comment Hidden ( show )

-1

-1
midnightear1500

11 years ago

I do not want to be cruel but personally I think you shouldn't be with her cause she have been other men and she has not been faithful towards you or herself. the truth

Comment Hidden ( show )

-1

-1
- Sailor_Cosmos
  
  11 years ago
  
  Ok so she has been with other men so what? Its the 21st century, since when does a woman have to be a virgin? I've never been a prostitute but I have had sex with other men aside from my loving partner...he doesnt care nor hold that against me. Even if I was a hooker I dont think he would care as long I didnt have any STD's that he might get. You think women become hookers because they like sex so much? Sure maybe some do, but most turn to hooking because they need the money and because there is always some desperate, horny bastard too lazy to make the effort to get a woman to sleep with him for free, there willing to pay for it!
  
  Fact is this man loves this woman regardless of her past. Some people are mature enough and open minded enough to accept that. It is really sad that some people still have the backward old fashioned thinking that you have in this day and age.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
  - dude_Jones
    
    11 years ago
    
    Thumbs up, my good woman.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0

Are You Normal?

If you found out your partner was once a hooker, would you leave her?