If you don't remember having sex was it cheating or rape?

6 Comments

I recently started seeing a guy and we're not official but we said we wouldn't hook up with anyone else since we're hooking up with each other and we will see about being official in a few days/weeks.
The other night I got super drunk with my roommates and came to my senses while one of them was having sex with me. I don't have any romantic or sexual feelings for him so I assume he initiated it and I just acquiesced but that is just an assumption. I could ask him but I'm afraid to know the answer. :/

Did I cheat? Or did he rape me since I wasn't conscious enough to consent? I had just told him about my new guy earlier in the evening so it's pretty messed up that he would do that. >(

I feel so guilty and shameful but if I didn't even actually consent maybe I shouldn't feel so bad....

Rape 22
Cheating 12
Something else 4
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Comments ( 6 )
  • kit291
    11 years ago

    if you are not conscious enough to make a decision then he obviously didn't get your permission, then it is rape. you have to say yes and agree all the way though the sex for it not to be rape.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    I want to answer but not exactly sure about this since you kind of sound like you wanted to but at the same time it is considered wrong to take advantage of the drunk. That and you said it was a secret so the other person would not know to lay off.

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    • Sparklinglime
      11 years ago

      I didn't want it. I just know myself and when I'm drunk I can be very flirty. And it wasn't a secret, that's half the problem is I told him about the new guy I'm seeing and he did that anyway. He should've said to himself "even though she's being really flirty [if I was] I still shouldn't do this bc she's too drunk to know what she's doing and is with someone else anyway."

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      • 1000yrVampireKing
        11 years ago

        So yes you cheated but it is still wrong to take advantage of someone when they are drunk. Maybe next time you get drunk take someone like YOUR BOYFRIEND with you so this can not happen. Since guys love to pull this trick to score women. It is nothing new and you really should have known better. If you resisted and he forced you because you were too drunk to fight back that is without a doubt rape. This is still iffy about the rape but this is for sure cheating.

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        • Sparklinglime
          11 years ago

          Yeah this kind of thing has happened to me before -having sex but not remembering it bc of being drunk. Then the problem suddenly was no longer a problem bc I had a bf for 5 years. When I got like that it'd be his lucky day.
          Now that I am back on the dating scene I need to be extra-in-control in that dept.

          I am no longer with that guy. So if some new guy comes along and is like "have you ever cheated in a past relationship" my answer should be yes.....??

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      • 1000yrVampireKing
        11 years ago

        If you act flirty when you are drunk you did want it. You could act like you didn't but people do stuff they would not normally when drunk. So you probobly wanted it and realized what was going on in the middle of it. However you should not take advantage of people when they are drunk. So the other person is wrong as well. So you are both wrong and you can not ONLY blame them. When you just admitted that it was halfly your fault in the case.

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