If wife's not in mood, its ok to watch porn & masturbate beside her in bed?

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14 Comments

If I'm in bed and I start to initiate sex with my wife, but she's not in the mood for it, then do you think it's ok for me to masturbate to porn then instead? I'd be laying in bed next to her but I'd be wearing headphones to stop the noise from keeping her awake. I wouldn't be doing it to spite her or anything, I'm just horny and need the release. I don't feel I should have to go without or get out of bed and go downstairs to do it. What do you think? Do you think it's disrespectful?

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Based on 14 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • farkelu
    3 years ago

    I think you should either go elsewhere. Or if she's willing, she could go elsewhere. I think it's rude to masturbate in her presence when she explicitly expressed her desire to refrain from sex with you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      But why? If she doesn't want to have sex then she doesn't have to. I'm not waving my dick in her face or anything, it's under the covers and I'm wearing headphones. It's like if I asked if she wants some pie but she refused, I shouldn't have to hide while eating it.

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      • farkelu
        3 years ago

        Hey - you asked, and that's my opinion. I shouldn't have to justify my opinion to you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          3 years ago

          Ok, that's fine. I do appreciate your comment. I value people's opinions more though when I can see that the reason for them is based on logic rather than any intrinsic bias they might have.

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          • farkelu
            3 years ago

            No bias. I'm just telling you what I think women would prefer - especially a woman I married and supposedly have the utmost respect for.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              3 years ago

              Ok fair enough, I'm just saying I think it's better when people give the reason for their opinions.

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  • einexile
    3 years ago

    Something is wrong if you can't just ask. I would understand if you didn't have good communication and were shy to bring it up, but if you're going to be doing it right next to her it's baffling that you can't just tell her you would like to do this and would she mind?

    It also depends on why she's not in the mood. If she has health issues or pain that sometimes ruin sex for her, then that's a bit different from just not feeling like sex. In which case it is well within her power to go ahead and fuck you anyway. If you love somebody this is rewarding with or without the arousal and orgasm. For a man there might be no erection, but for a woman some lube should do the trick. I don't think I have ever been turned down by my wife just because she didn't feel like it. Carnal lust is not the only reason to have sex. Have you ever refused your wife oral or other attention when you weren't in the mood?

    I feel like there might be something else going on here. Don't act like you need her permission to masturbate, but tell her that when she doesn't want sex you would like either some privacy, or her blessing and/or some level of participation. Don't do something that might make her uncomfortable when there's potential here for a better arrangement.

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  • Tommythecaty
    3 years ago

    I’ve honestly never been with peeps who aren’t “in the mood” pretty much always. But I guess that’s fine

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  • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
    3 years ago

    It will feel weird doing it next to her. Because it shakes the bed.

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