If someone did this to you on the phone, what would you think?

28 Comments

There was this guy who I liked as a friend. Liked and friend may be too strong of words, try tolerated as an acquaintance. I mean I didn't hate the guy, but I didn't like him either. Well no , I liked him, but just as a contact. He started calling me a lot, and at first I answered his calls SOMETIMES (like half the time or so) and would chat for a minute, a very short and superficial chat. But then he got annoying, so I started screening his calls. I ignored him for a solid 2 months, and he didn't take the hint. I was trying not to have to take it to the next level, which is to hurt his feelings. But I had to. The next time he called, I saw his number on my caller ID and picked up and immediately said 'STOP CALLING ME', and immediately hung up. I didn't want to make an enemy, but I wanted him to fuck off. I honestly don't even know where he got my phone number from in the first place. Did I do the right thing? What the hell else could I have done??

So if that happened to you, someone answered your call like that, what would you think?

I'd never call again. 60
I'd call again to make sure they meant that for ME. 16
She's playing hard to get. 7
Enemy for life!! 21
Other answer (comment) 6
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Comments ( 28 )
  • SLAYERoftheWICKED
    11 years ago | pl

    you could have just talked to him and said "im sorry,but i dont want to be friends"

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    • TerryVie
      11 years ago

      yeah, this. Technically what you did also works, but as you said, if he didn't get the hint before, you kind of leave him hanging there, not knowing what went wrong or why you ignored him or sounded so pissed all of a sudden.

      I think it would have been better to casually pick up and tell him this is not working, even on a friendship level, you feel harassed by the many calls and want him to stop that, and need a total break from contact until you see things more relaxed again(hey, nobody said that will ever happen...just a polite phrase)...

      It's like, you can euthanise a sick animal, or you can use a sledgehammer to end it. At least you left the drill at home ;)

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    ....that sounded kind of irrational..and really mean. You should have been nicer all the person wanted to do was talk to you... I think he deserves an applogy no point in making an enemy.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    " I was trying not to have to take it to the next level, which is to hurt his feelings."

    The irony is that your final reaction to him probably hurt him more than saying, "I'm not interested" would have.

    Sometimes you have to be blunt. You might want to say "well he should have figured it out!" but... people don't work that way. Sometimes you have to be clear and direct if you want someone to understand what you want to say.

    Hopefully next time you'll try the direct approach first. You don't have to scream anything... just say, "I'm sorry but I'm not interested." Wait to see if he understands that before taking it to the next level of screaming at him.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I guess I figured if I just ignored him, he'd stop calling but we would still be cool, if I were to ever bump into him here or there. I figured if it came down to me having to say something, anything, along the lines of "don't call me anymore" that it would hurt his feelings. Since I had to say something that would probably hurt his feelings anyway, I wanted to make it absolutely clear to not call and I didn't want to have to explain or leave any room for him to think anything other than "don't call me". The thing is, there's not really a good moment in a conversation to just say something to the effect of "hey I like you somewhat but I don't want to talk to you". I'm either terrible at this kind of stuff or awesome, I really don't know. LOL!!

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        But you now know that just ignoring him didn't work.

        Sometimes a little hurt first can prevent a lot of hurt later.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          Out of curiosity, how would you, or how have you, handled this situation? I know you said in your first post "sorry but I'm not interested", but that's not something that I could've really said at any point. I also wouldn't want to say anything that can be left open to interpretation.

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          • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
            11 years ago

            interesting you say that.

            i did the wrong thing myself in a way... i had a coworker who use to make lots of sexual comments to me and i was young and afraid of hurting his feelings by telling him the truth - that he was NOT attractive. And that his constant attempts were creeping me out.

            i told a couple of friends but i said nothing - never even mentioned it to my supervisors who could have helped.

            fast forward a half year or so and... i find out he was doing this to a lot of women and even sexually assaulted one of my friends.

            if i had said something back when he was bothering me... maybe i could have stopped him from hurting my friend. but no i was too shy to tell him to stop and too shy to get him in trouble like i should have.

            these days i'm no longer single so i find brining that up seems to be a good deterrent. and most people my age are usually sorted out anyway so they're over the stage of hounding a girl until she gives in.

            or just a ' no thank you'.

            i only get rude about it if they start acting like jerks.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    I did this to someone IRL, actually.
    They kept coming over and I finally told them that we have nothing in common and I am not interested in friendship.

    They became very sad. I apologized but I wasn't going to let them waste their time.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    you could have said it nicely why not?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      How though? And how would you begin saying something along these lines in a real life conversation? It's harder than it sounds!!

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      • BASEDOFWG
        11 years ago

        You could have picked up and said i'm sorry but i don't wanna be friends please stop calling me. Or something like that, their are a million diffrent ways it could have been done.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        please dont call me anymore i'll just see you when i see you, id say this

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  • Ixu
    11 years ago

    Nope, you did the right thing. That seems to be the only way people like that will listen.. For a while at least. I had an ex that got obsessed with calling me and telling me he loved me, even though he knows I was in a relationship, the only way he shutup was when I told him off rudely.
    A few months later when I bumped into him, he actually understood how silly he was being and we could have a normal conversation. You don't want a person like that as a contact if all they are is obsessed with you.

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  • lateboy1
    11 years ago

    You a bitch!!!

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  • Aleks85
    11 years ago

    Am I the only one who found that incredibly annoying to read? It's like this person changed their mind ten times as they were describing their personal story. Holy shit get it together before you put pen to paper.

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  • UnrecognizableMan
    11 years ago

    Your reaction was perfect. He's going to get hurt either way. The good thing about an emotional outburst is you can apologize for it later which is hard to do when you calmly hurt someone's feelings.

    "Sorry, I was having a day where I really needed to be alone and I took it out on you. Some days I really don't feel like talking." But don't be too nice otherwise he might start calling again. Personally I wouldn't bother apologizing, seems like you did a good job of getting rid of him.

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  • joybird
    11 years ago

    I eventually got rid of my mother in law by giving her the yes/no treatment.

    I answered the phone and said, Yes?
    Is hubby there? No
    Do you know when he's home? No
    Will you get him to call me? Yes

    :o) I didn't give any minimal encouragements of mmmm, etc just total silence or yes/no. The person on the other end struggles to think of what to say next. Very awkward and reserved only for the hateful, nasty people!!

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  • FrancoisDillinger
    11 years ago

    he didn't get the hint. that's his fault for being an idiot.

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  • myownopinions
    11 years ago

    Well, it's in the past now. Just try to take a better approach next time this ever happens. Also, you might want to apologize to the guy.

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  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    It's easier for him to think you're a total bitch than it is for him to think he's creepy and obsessive, It's better you did it this way. People get real weird when they're 'softly' rejected. They still think there is a chance, that they just need to 'tone down' a bit. They won't want to bother if they think you're a bitch. Both my fiance and I have had problems similar several times. If they like you enough, it always comes down to rudeness.

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  • gspauldi1999
    11 years ago

    That was really immature. You act like an adult and talk to him about, don't scream in his ear and cut the guy down! You definitely need to apologize.

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  • suckonthis9
    11 years ago

    I think that you had left this for too long. In the before time, the long long ago, you should have dealt with this problem before it escalated to this level. Easy to say, not so easy to do, but essential to avoid future problems like this. Instead of having a superficial conversation, you should have been direct and up front with him. Not only should you have told him how you feel about him, you should have also explained, in detail, why you feel that way.

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  • MeeeZA
    11 years ago

    Lol I probably would have told him I've changed my number and gave him a new number instead.. And probably block him from my real number :) lol I'm sure you can do that.. Oh well its happend now - dw about it chickk

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    11 years ago

    Sigh. It sucks to be a guy.

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    • disthing
      11 years ago

      I'm enjoying it actually.

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      • GoraIntoDesiGals
        11 years ago

        You're perhaps the kind of guy THEY will call first. You know, the kind whose address book is full of girl numbers, all eager to meet you. You don't know what it's like to be called a creep just because you express sexual interest which you don't in fact need to do because girls will express it first.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Amen brother, I second that. And OP you just used the word "annoying", what was annoying about it? That he was just trying to talk to you?? Dont wonder why if he went around telling people he thinks your a bitch either.

      I am not saying you are one, I am just saying dont question why if you heard that he did, in fact, say that.

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