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Is it normal to expect that if a girl doesn't have sex with you by the third date that she will never have sex with you?
In all my relationships, so far, I've always had sex on the first, second, or third date, at the latest. If this hasn't happened, it doesn't seem to happen on subsequent dates either. Is this normal?
If you knew every girl was going to give it up on the first date, where's the fun in that? I think the sex ends up being more exciting if the guy has to chase the girl a little and build up that passion, and in the meantime get to know each other which makes it even better :)
Having sex on the first, second, or third date is probably why you are not in those relationships now.
I'm a girl, and in my opinion waiting longer, shows me that a guy is more interested in me than sex.
Maybe you just got lucky, and found a girl who has respect for herself.
So, if you are attracted to a guy, and interested in being with him, but you intentionally keep postponing sex, as some kind of test, isn't that being rather manipulative? Why should I then believe that you won't be just as manipulative during the relationship, periodically withholding sex in order to get your way?
I had an opinion about this, and when I asked my husband, he felt the same way, so I trust this from a guy's perspective.
When a man wants sex on a first date, he thinks the woman is a whore and he's just interested in her for the night or for a couple of nights until he finds a regular girlfriend. If the girl doesn't care about the guy she'll hook up. If she really likes the guy, she won't have sex with him. If he likes her, he'll stick around. If he just wanted sex, he'll dump her.
Ta-da!
Normal for you. Dates 1 to 3, you got lucky. Dates beyond that - they've figured you out. Try to reread all the responses without your dick on your brain.
You are a giant ignoramus.
Incase you didn't know what that means...
a) A person who is completely ignorant.
b) Word, pejorative term frequently used to describe an ideological opponent who acts like he/she knows more than he/she actually does and/or argues according to obviously misinformed logic.
Two questions...
Who told you this, and WHO would want to date you? Go outside and clear your head. Your logic is making you look like a pig.
you've got everything all wrong if your intentions are on having sex by the 3rd date. not every women is like that. otherwise they would be called sluts not women and you would be considered a manwhore not a man.
sex is not always necessary on dating. Going out for a meal, partying, attending sport activities etc. are much more worth doing than just jumping to bed with her after a few days dating. Most girls i know just like romantic, sweet stuff. They like waiting and they know that they when they do it, the first man in their life would feel it too. making him realise that he is worth the wait and so is the man. that he deserves it. Don't you like this? When they are ready they will soon give in. if they are not into you, you won't receive anything. Isn't it better if she looks at you deeply in her eyes making it say come ang get me than, go away and leave me alone because you were going too fast?
If you think the girl is worth waiting for, then you will wait.
Ok, I don't think there is a "normal" length of time. I think every relationship/situation is different and that should be considered. I think what you should focus on is what you expect and then finding the girl that shares that same view with you. Everyone has something to offer so going and saying someone is worth your time (unless they have done something horrible like kill your pet) shouldn't be "rejected" in a sense. Some people are compatible and some aren't...
Also, keep in mind that sex is a vulnerable act in a sense. You are getting naked for someone who does not know you that well which is a huge leap for some people- just something to think about.
Now as far as this man being highly desirable well...what makes you so desirable? Just b/c some think you are doesn't mean everyone does and even if it is a large amount of people it can't be that ridiculously huge unless you have met or been seen by a crazy amount of people- like a celebrity would....
I think its great to have self confidence however it did come across a little cocky which may be why this particular female isn't interested in sleeping with you just yet...but again...if her views aren't matching your then yes you should probably not waste either of your time trying to convince them that its a good idea.
Best of luck.
You aren't automatically entitled to sex just because you're wearing a "boyfriend" name-tag. You can have a loving, deep relationship without having intercourse. I know, alien concept to this generation, right? Maybe this girl only wants to be intimate if she knows she is in a lasting, caring relationship, instead of just being the flavor of the month.
Just because some guys respect womens decisions to wait to "get to know someone better" doesn't make them undesirable. Plenty guys out there could date anyone they wanted but they stick with someone who they have to wait for. If anything i'd find someone who wanted to sleep with me on the first date undesirable. I don't know you after one date, I don't feel the need to sleep with someone i don't know. Doesn't matter how good the date was, i still don't know you.
Not if another girl, who is just as compelling, shows up in the mean time. The first one, the one who waited so long, will then lose out.
EXACTLY....how much could he have liked her if he then hooks up with the next thing that rolls along?
Sounds like "girl logic" to me. Let's take a closer look...
If a guy is very desirable, he'll likely be "in demand." He will have options. So, if a girl deliberately waits and waits and waits before they have sex, he is going to lose interest in her, no matter how much he likes her. He might end up believing she has some kind of sexual problem. Even if they become friends, he will end up having a relationship with a different girl.
The only guys who will "wait" are those who have no other options, who are unable to attract other women. So, in repeatedly waiting, you are deliberately selecting for such undesirable men. Why would you want such a guy?
Granted, a lot of guys who push for sex on the first date are interested only in a one night stand. So, waiting until the second or third date is not unreasonable. But, why wait longer?
I would never consider a girl a whore merely because she had sex on the first night. I would think quite the opposite. One of my most rewarding relationships was with a woman who slept with me on the very first night.
I'm seeing a pattern here...
Nearly all of the female responses above suggest that having sex early when dating, is a bad thing. Yet, none of the girls I've been with felt that way. Why is that?
Is it because what girls say and what they actually do are two completely different things? It is ok to be "swept off your feet," but not ok to consciously decide to sleep with the guy? Is it because most of the girls on here are young and naïve, and still believe what society or their parents tells them to?
Or is it because that by withholding sex, they feel they have power over the man. And, they can't stand it when this 'tactic' fails because the man has other options, which he chooses to pursue instead?
if that's all your after you should at least be honest with her. that way you'll end up with someone as immature as you and not waste your time with women that are better than you. you catch my drift?
You are so lost...Sex is definetly not the only reason why men and women date. Keep it in your pants, there is much more to a stable and strong relationship than sex. What keeps a relationship strong is trust, good morals, then all the emotional ties and intimacy you get along with it. C'mon...If you told your date this, for the mostpart, they'd run.
It's comforting to know you are capable of using big words, like 'ignoramus.' Let me tell you another one: ad hominem. If you don't know it, look it up, as that is the core of the 'argument' you presented.
With a pseudoname containing the word 'GOD,' I wouldn't be surprised if you believed you were conceived of a mother, virgo intacta. The fact is, your parents had sex, in order to bring you into existence. Sex is why men and women are different. Sex is why men and women get together, plain and simple. To deny this is to ignore one of the most basic truths about human nature. Sadly, many people are uncomfortable with this fact. I presume that includes you.
I don't deny that trust, good morals, and emotional ties and intimacy are all important parts of a relationship. But, the essential one is sex. Look at almost any failed relationship. Once the sex stops, a breakup (or divorce) inevitably follows. Even a very troubled relationship can be kept alive with good sex.
So when I have the how many partners have you had talk with the person I really wanna spend the rest of my life, i'll just say ohhh 75 but its ok I went on one date with each of them. Gross.
it's not. some of them have sex on the first date, some of them after a few months. it depends what kind of a girl you go for...
err.... can you back it up to maybe by the 6th date or something? Some girls feel their "gift" should be waited for. It usually has to do with their trust issues and how they were raised.
Lots of girls want to wait longer than that. Especially if they actually want to have a relationship. Do you actually want relationships with any of these women, or do you just want to hook up?
I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with a girl until I've really gotten to know her, over a period of time. I don't want to blindly jump into a relationship and make a commitment that I might later regret, and have a hard time getting out of. Breaking up really sucks! So, I'd rather take it slow, hook up first, and see how that works out.
I've read on here about some people who don't want to have sex until they are married. That just seems totally bizarre to me. I don't want a girl who's like that.
Ok, let me explain you one thing. I work as a bartender,during a night I get five hundred customers, do you think I am gonna have sex with every guy who asks me what time do I get off? even an attractive one?? Dude, hell no!!! I am sorry yeah sex is important but for marriage. Reason why people go to a relationship is to connect with another person. But not ONLY on the physical level. I am Christian and I am proud of it. Dont worry I got my wild years before getting saved, however knowing the other side I can tell ya. My life is much better now and guy who turns me down because I wont have sex. No problem I know he wasnt even worth of it =). I wish you that you would realize the real love and not just lust. Going against what the world tells you feels pretty comforting to me.
Okay, just my two cents here. To a large extent I have to agree with the original author. As a 25-year old man who is single and actively dating, I have found that one of the biggest red flags a woman can fly is showing a sign of manipulativeness. It seems like a woman who will withold sex past a third date tends to end up being a woman who will generally become controlling and manipulative down the line. Of my three serious relationships, two went along those lines. In both cases, no sex happened until date five or later. Then, a half-year, year down the line, each woman would started refusing sex just to get something they wanted. In both cases, it made me feel rejected, hurt, and resentful. Sex should not be used as a means to achieve an end, that is disrespectful toward the other person.
The bottom line is that there is a category of people, most of whom are men, who will use other people (most of whom are women) for sex. That's a risk of dating. Women who think they need to wait to "test" a man, or to give him their "gift," are not taking a necessary risk of dating - getting hurt. Getting hurt can happen to both sexes, so (wo)man up about it! :) Sure, there is a risk he may not call you again, but better to find out sooner rather than later anyway. Use protection and take a risk.
Because if it were me, and you were not comfortable enough with me to have sex with me by the third date, then I would be hesitant to invest anymore effort in you, no matter how much I thought you were the woman of my dreams. My life experience has taught me to interpret that one of two ways:
1-You're manipulative and think that you are better than me just because you have a vagina.
2-You're not really attracted to me and you are just using me for expensive dinners/concerts/nights out.
But again, just my 2c. ;)
'It seems like a woman who will withold sex past a third date tends to end up being a woman who will generally become controlling and manipulative down the line.'
This is very insightful! Kudos for the valuable posting--worth far more than a mere 2c ;)
Unless you want to marry the girl, no girl is worth waiting more than 3 dates for. Let's be honest the only reason we put up with women's crap is to get laid. If they aren't shelling it out, there is no reason to stick around.
I can't be the only guy that would turn down sex on a third date? I won't be sexual outside of a monogamous relationship.
Sex is an intimate bond between two people that deeply care for another, not a recreational activity. A woman worth having isn't easily won over, and a woman with that kind of integrity would be dating a man of the same fiber anyway.
Well I don't no what is normal when it comes to sex in relationship I dated alot girls but no sex
Wow. A lot of the comments here are disheartening. I can't even put myself out there as the expectations of relationships is most always expected to become sexual. I used to be very sexual and had my own personal philosophy about it that unravelled over time. Finally someone broke my trust and now I don't even like when a guy puts his arm around me.
I want to be friends with them, and that will be a much more likelihood that I would eventually be able to share myself that way again. If I am not even given the chance to be friends first, looks like chicks like me are SOL.
If sex is all you are looking for, then I guess it would be a pretty safe bet to give up after the third date and move on to someone else who might be more willing. It works both ways. Sometimes the female will be only looking for no-strings attached sex. That is what both sexes seem to gravitate to singles bars for.
I actually agree with OP and I'm a girl. Sexual compatibility isn't everything. But even to me its alot. I have no problems having sex on even the first date, though lots of other girls look down on me for it. I don't think it makes me a whore. If I don't feel like I connect a guy or get to know him within the first few dates then obviously I won't sleep with him, but I also won't continue to date him.
The problem with people is they don't know what they want. But I do, and I'm quite willing to go out there and get it. And if it doesn't work out then I'll get a good lay in the process LOL
women wait to judge you on the scale before giving it up, some take longer some don't even judge ... but if it's not happening by the third date then you need to read the situation better and adapt yourself (assuming you want to fuck her).
-cheers, ricky.
i ALWAYS have sex on the first date. you gotta try it before you buy it right? I've had 2 long term relationships one 4 years one 3. I think that's how it goes nowadays.
it depends upon u how to have sex with her any way hoock or by crook or by raping her and afterward say her sorry that works man