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Can you find love in someone and still be independent?
Or should One learn how to be independent and be able to live on their own, become a better person etc. without someone else before finding someone to love? I think to really love someone you have to first love yourself. But what if you do not love yourself but could learn to love yourself through someone else.
i dont know if this makes sense
I can see how it might be possible for someone to encourage you to accept and truly respect yourself, but I can also see a couple of possible problems with that.
First, it's a psychological fact that we all defend our beliefs about ourselves and the world, even when those opinions are incorrect or completely delusional. So we do things like dismissing or completely ignoring evidence that's in conflict with our views, and have no respect for those who point out errors in our thinking. If someone profoundly believes that they are not worthy of love or even respect, then they will tend to instinctively avoid positive relationships, and self-sabotage if they should ever find themselves in a relationship with someone who sees them in a much better light than they see themselves.
Even if you avoid that pitfall, relationships almost always end one way or another, so what happens when this person who's been telling you that you're wonderful and amazing and lovable is no longer in your life? The end of a serious relationship is always traumatic to some degree, and we often deal with that by either thinking worse of ourselves or viewing the other person in a negative way. If your self-love is based on the validation of another person, what happens to that view of yourself if you no longer respect that person or their opinions?
I suggest you work on accepting yourself as you are. We're all screwed up in various ways and to varying degrees. We all do stupid things that we come to regret. We all accidentally hurt people and lash out when someone riles us. We all have feelings that we don't understand. We all experience urges that are contrary to what we know to be right.
In other words, we're all human, and it is highly unlikely that what's going on in your head from moment to moment is any weirder or any more stupid than the stuff going on in the heads of everyone you'll ever meet. Accept that, try to be a better person today than you were yesterday, don't be upset if you fail, and just keep moving forward.
Yes one can find love and still be independent. If one finds they are unable to then they are not ready for a relationship and it would serve one to learn to love themselves and work through their codependency. Speaking from experience.