I worry constantly about my crazy mother

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2 Comments

Recently I sent my mother a long message telling her exactly how I felt and that I don't trust her and I wish she would sort herself out. I knew that what I was doing was a little on the edge but I needed her know how I felt and to stop harassing us and behave like a normal, stable person. Over the years that my parents had been divorced I noticed her sanity slowly depleting. She has gone from making endless promises to disappearing for months to beating up people in a drunken rage (that's right, I once saw her get very drunk, beat up some guy and got pretty f****d up herself). I have tried forgiving her and thinking maybe she is just going through a phase of mad depression from the divorce, but 6 years down the line, I have no idea what her occupation is, where she lives and all she has been trying to do is get money out of me and my siblings. When I sent the message to her, I was hoping that we would realize what she was doing and we could talk things out. What happened instead was she got even more upset, she threatened to go back to drinking (she thinks god made her stop drinking and all is well). She then called me brainwashed and I haven't heard from her since, none of my family members are able to get hold of her. I worry myself sick every night thinking of what might have happened to her, wondering why things hadn't gone back to the way they were in her more sane days when she was more loving and caring, and whether I'm going to land up being just like her when I'm older. I now know that she is irreparably damaged and there is no going back, I just want to know how to deal with it and to be able to sleep peacefully at night without this cloud of guilt and regret hanging over me

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76% Normal
Based on 38 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • joybird
    11 years ago

    It's normal for you to worry but you must realise that she's wallowing in self-pity and instead of forcing her to pull herself together, you lot are / were enabling her to continue like this.

    I know it's hard but anything that she chooses to do is nothing to do with you. Sure she may use your text as an excuse to get drunk or lash out but that's all it is - an excuse! She is a grown woman, she managed to get to her age without dying and y'know what... she'll be like a creaking door, that goes on for years and years to come. All the while you will be worrying yourself sick and losing your own relationships.

    This may sound awful, but as you can't change her or the situation, do your best to forget about her. Make your own plans for the next day or for your own family, coz you will never change anyone who doesn't want to be changed. In fact, she seems happy to cause upset and drama.

    Mine does the same. She can stop all contact for 18 months and then just phone up and say 'hello'. Out of badness I always say, "Who's that?" As if I don't recognise her voice :) or I've forgotten what she sounds like :) Therefore, her disappearance had no effect on my state of mind. That really annoys her - she thinks I should be anxious and worried. Don't play their games!
    She'll be back like a bad penny - don't worry!!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Thank you so much. I've always thought these things but never understood why I should be the only one going through all this. Everyone I know has a great relationship with their mother and I am terribly envious and think that I might be at fault, but I think you're right, she has brought this upon herself and there is nothing I can do but focus on the family that are well and supportive. She blames everything on my father who has done nothing but be supportive, and she's treated her children like the trophy that they should be squabbling over despite how emotionally reckless and selfish she is being.

      Thanks!

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