I will hate you... no matter how good of friends we used to be.

45% Normal

I'm overly jealous, about everything. I dont even know if it's jealousy, or some other mental problem that could be described in a better way.. but I can easily go from liking someone to extreme hatred in a split second, and once I get that way, I'll never change my mind.

For example... my birthday was sh*t. I mean, I f**king cried on my own birthday due to the circumstances. Now, all my friends are having huge parties for their birthdays, and no matter how much I care about them as a friend, I don't actually want to wish them a happy birthday. Why? I didnt have a happy birthday, why on earth should I wish them one? What makes them deserving of a happy birthday when I didnt get one?

Another example; my best friend got a new girlfriend and now she wont go away. I never get to actually hang out with him anymore, because she's ALWAYS there. I feel like she's taking my friendship away. She and I would probably get along under different circumstances, but not in this situation. And now I hate her, because she's the reason I can never hang out with my friend anymore.

Another example... My little sister just got out of rehab, and also relapsed several times since then. For some reason, she's getting spoiled rotten, and my parents are paying for her new apartment, and her college tuition entirely. I'm beginning to hate my own sister. Why? I was never given those opportunities... When I moved out, I had was on the streets until I could afford to pay for my own apartment all by myself. I can't afford to go to college, my bills are already too high as it is and with the economy the way it is now, I can't afford any extra expenses, and I'm not eligible for financial support. The parents NEVER offered to help me out, and I'm the one who has worked hard to be sober, responsible etc... why is the sl*t and addict of the family being spoiled when the one hard working kid gets no rewards at all?

I could go on with other examples.
I'm full of hatred, and I think jealousy is the problem. I work really hard to get what I have, why is it coming so easily and undeserved to others? What good has come out of my sweat and blood when it's being handed out for free to everyone else. What's the point?

It's so easy for me to completely hate you and have no respect for you when you are being handed things that you don't deserve.

The worst part is, I'm beginning to spite people I really care about. That can't be normal...

Voting Results

45% Normal

Based on 69 votes (31 yes)

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Comments ( 11 )

inlovewithlove1991

14 years ago

If you can call SELFISHNESS a mental disorder, then that's what your problem is. You're selfish, you think the entire world is about you & you have a problem w/ treating others the opposite way of which you were treated. So what if you didn't get a "happy birthday"? Why does that mean you can't be the courteous, bigger guy here & wish others a "happy birthday"? It sounds like you have some major growing up to do.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  14 years ago
  
  Yes, maybe it is selfishness. The birthday thing is not really that big of a deal to me, I was just using that as a small example.
  
  But instead of telling someone what their problems are, why not point out some way to overcome the problem. In a way, withholding advice is also a very selfish act, especially when it's obvious that somebody needs it. So aren't you being selfish by pointing out my problems, but not having the decency to offer advice?
  
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Numbertwo

9 years ago

Nice novel

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Anonymous Post Author

12 years ago

UPDATE: After long hard times of learning to deal with the fact that I am only human, and I can't accomplish everything I want in the short amount of years that life permits, I'm a better person now. I also think this "middle school act" and "selfishness" that many of the commenters spoke of was actually very healthy in a part of my behavioral structure in society. The unneccessary feelings I had of displeasure helped construct a better and healthier life I have now, in all of their ways.

For birthdays, I have realized that when you want everything to go well, something will always go wrong, and I finally had a birthday that wasn't perfect, but was good enough to make me laugh and smile.

As for the best friend with a new girlfriend thing I wrote about? I still think that is completely fair. Anybody in that situation would be envious when feeling like they are losing their best friend. And in fact, I did lose my best friend through that. And because of it, I learned he wasn't a very good friend at all, and was too absorbed in his relationships to care about any of his friends. AND... The girlfriend? Well, shortly after I confronted her about the issue of my jealousy, we had a long talk over a couple bottles of wine, and now SHE is my best friend. We talk every day, hang out constantly, and laugh about the times I used to hate her so much.

As for my sister, my parents finally cut her off and have acknowledged to me through long heartfelt conversations that they were mistaken to spoil her, knowing she had a manipulative history, and we all get along now. And my sister and I have a healthy relationship.

And to the people that called me immature and whatnot: Seriously? Somebody is trying to reach out for help and you are just going to ridicule them? You were being just as mean as I was being. I hope that these days, the only people you are being mean to are kitten rapists or people that curb stomp babies, and not persons reaching out on the internet wondering if they are normal or what is wrong with them.

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Evilllamas

13 years ago

I know the feeling...
I cant feel others happiness, I'm not a people person... when someone gets something great and I dont, I get a bit pissed off.

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MaXoPh

14 years ago

Hey I think you need to grow up and be mature. Are you a middle child anyway?Because I have an elder brother and he is somewhat like you. He can never sees peace in people.

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PunkZombie

14 years ago

You sound neglected.

My mother missed my birthday one year and never tried to make up for it. This was during the beginning of her becoming both neglectful and abusive.

I was, technically, too young to care about the why... but I did care. I wanted to know if she was okay, why she didn't even say "Hi,"
or if she just didn't love me anymore.

(I guarantee that if she would have said "hi," I would have been grateful and considered that my birthday gift.)

I'm usually invisible to her. Unless she wants to pick on me for something I did "wrong."

You may be emotionally detaching because you have learned that caring usually leads to hurt and isn't really worth it.

I suggest you talk to the people who caused you to act this way about it. (Your friends, his girlfriend, your parents/sister)

If this doesn't fix anything then you need to detach because that's all they can cause you. Pain.

My mother refuses to see me/care about me, so I'm letting go.

(Yes, it hurts no matter what, but you should try to better yourself. There's nothing selfish about that. Infact, it's normal and healthy)

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inlovewithlove1991

14 years ago

Let me know if you really believe such a thing can be given advice & then I'll give you advice. Also, selfish or not, it doesn't matter because we don't know each other.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  See the latest reply.
  
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Sexcrzyfuck

14 years ago

I treat the ones the way i want to be treated..
Thats what i learned in catholic school :]

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- Bluberry
  
  7 years ago
  
  O my
  
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Are You Normal?

I will hate you... no matter how good of friends we used to be.