I was raped, i'm over it
I was raped when I was 13 on a rec camp fieldtrip. The whole camp was taken to hampton beach in New Hampshire. Being curious I wondered over to the tidal pools in the deep jagged rocks out of site. There a man did the deed.
After it was over I wandered back to the rest of the camp and stayed on my towel. I was crying and my friends came over to me, I told them I had fallen and it hurt. They believed me because I was bleeding and covered in cuts. At the end of the fieldtrip I went home like everyone else.
That was 7 years ago. No one really knows about it except for a slight slip when I was upset at my mother. She now has suspicions that something happened to me in my childhood.
Ever since that experience I have had no problem with the subject of rape. In fact I fantasize about a rape role play with my boyfriends. I suppose for a few years I was effected by it, but I never really succumed to any depression or some such. I guess the only really weird thing that "might" have come from it mey be been my attraction towards older men. Not too old (in my eyes). The oldest only ever being 32 when I was 16. But never have I been with a guy my age or under 21.
Is this wrong that I didn't feel so scared about the rape? Or that I never really felt effected? Examples: crying myself to sleep, being fearful or shy.