I was a teenage stalker

A year and a half ago I met my sisters friend he was a really nice guy and soon after my other sister became his friend. She will be sis b and my other one will be sis a and he will be he. Because I never left the house and I think she caught on to my depression (I normally hid it with a smile though) I guess my mother started to feel bad for me so about 2 months after meeting him she asked them if I could go to the theater with them I was able to go we walked and took a shortcut through this field we was walking along the side of a fence and he turned on music on his phone some pop love song he grabbed sis a's shoulder and sang a bit to her a few seconds later pushed sis b to the fence and sang a part and to my surprise he turned around and sang a bit to me no one ever noticed me let alone do something like that to me I know he did it so I wouldn't feel left out and my sisters wouldn't get mad but still how could I not fall in love the whole movie I watched him he would stay at our house a lot little things he left behind became mine drinks he had I would discreetly take a sip from as an indirect kiss I would always watch him seeing him helped my depression go away I even started writing in a notebook info on him one time they invited me to play with fireworks some time after sis b decides that she likes him I never told anyone I was in love but she told us and when sis a heard she told him and luckily he rejected sis b but I still enjoy doing little things to make her mad then about 6 or 7 months after the worst thing for me happened I had to move out into the country (with my grandparents one of them is isnt all there himself he always thinks he is dying) which meant I wouldn't be able to see him and that I would start getting depressed again so between not seeing him, listening to my grandfather ramble on, and faking my happiness I thought I was going to go insane since I couldn't watch him in person I Facebook stalked him one night I went to the bathroom and took out my pocket knife and carved his initials into my upper thigh then one night he came to see my sisters I enjoyed watching him sleep the next morning he tells sister a that he likes her I fell like I'm about to cry but continue to smile before he leaves she tells him she doesn't feel the same which makes me mad and sad that he is now upset but I'm also extremely happy that he won't be taken he comes out another day to hang out and I try to confess but I can't about 3 months or 4 later we move back into town right across the street from where we used to live and the final meeting between him and my sisters he says that he likes sis b now ( 2nd best I guess ) when she tells me and my mom my nails dig straight in to my hand and my smile the widest you can imagine I tell her that's great then that night no matter how much I want to for some reason I can't cry about a week later she is sad because he hasn't said a thing to her and she says that he was drunk when he said it and that he probably didn't mean it I once more am happy but I decide I don't want to be like this any more so I burn everything I took from him all the info on him and my diary from that time but I still can't forget him and his initials on my thigh do not help I would love to try to tell him once more my feelings I wish I could just see him once more. Still no one knows.