I want to kill my father.

I really want the motherf--ker dead. Sure, he works to keep a roof over my head, but the amount of times he's threatened to kick me and my sister out is too high to count.

He's a stubborn, hypocritical, emotionally abusive A-hole.

He's fatter than me, and he calls me a "fat, lazy, worthless waste" he tells me "I wish you were never born" and is always telling me what to do, what I can and can't do. even though I'm an adult now. (but still live at home)
He goes out of his way just to irritate me, he's like a petty f--king 5 year old.

He doesn't beat me, or at least, not often, though he has done before, even when I was young. He's more emotionally abusive than he is physically - which in my opinion, is worse.

I've ended up with dissociation and schizoaffective disorders, as well as a crap ton of anxiety issues. I can't talk to people or socialise like a normal person. All because of him telling me I would never be anything useful or worth anyones time, ect, ect. He's basically a huge bully.

I have fantasies of killing him in varying violent ways, and when I say violent, I mean extremely violent. I've been told I may have socipathic tendencies about it.

Is this a normal way to feel? I don't have any hate for my mother, or any other member of my family, just him. I'm not violent towards anyone but him, I'm happy and normal with my family (besides him) and the few friends I have.

I am trying to get help, but in all honesty, the therapists I have are patronising and useless...