I want to kill a lot of people

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9 Comments

Sometimes I want to kill a bunch of people. When I was younger i wasnt like this.

I am a recluse, I got rid of everyone after they abandoned me when my son died, and I can not connect to anyone on earth. Never been able to. I think that every person I ever got close to treated me like garbage and condescended to me and never thought much of me, while I gave them all my love. That didn't mean much to them. So I guess I don't mean much at all. I hate because of this.

I can not cope with life any longer. I can not lie and pretend like the others do. I want life but I can not find it. I hate because of this too.

I am a 39yo female ex model and secretary and an EXTREME introvert. I consider suicide as well but not as often as chopping up or shooting people. They are too stupid, too spoiled, and have nothing to offer anyone. They reject me and push me away, and keep me from "their" circle. I've never held a gun though so I may be afraid to shoot myself. I don''t mind hurting people if they are bad people. I consider becoming a Dexter type of character. But at least he has a girlfriend. For me...I try.so.hard. to do everything perfectly, to think about every single thing that would make him happy but all the "boyfriends" I have had can do is insult my body (even when they have sex with me) and tell me they have a girlfriend, etc. Years later, their voices stay in my head and I can't. cope with them, I can't get them out, and all I want to do is stab stab stab!!!!!!!! them.

I know this isn't normal but does anyone know who I can talk to? My insurance does not cover psychiatry and the (6) that I have seen already just tell me I have "generalized anxiety" anyway. I don't agree because I want to kill people and I think that zoloft you know, won't help with that.

Fucking morons.

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 4 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Though I think I know how you feel, I'm not too sure where to start.

    For your own sanity, control your emotions. This is very difficult, but vital. If you really despise these people so much, do you really want to allow them to rent space in your head? Hatred is a demanding emotion and it does nothing but hurt you, and you alone - much like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

    Seek out those who understand you while casting out the emotional vampires (such as the men you spoke of), and try not to put too much trust in psychology.

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  • anti-hero
    9 years ago

    If you HAVE to kill... Start with yourself and go from there. Normally I wouldn't suggest such a thing, but I am looking out for innocent lives here.

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  • ajayllg
    9 years ago

    why kill innocent people?
    if your life sucks do something about it but dont be a coward and blame society,

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    • susanfuckyou
      9 years ago

      My my, aren't we judgy? I bet you had a perfect life too. It's always those who are so critical.

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      • ajayllg
        9 years ago

        yeah i grew up in the barrio, my father was a vietnam vet who came back and abused his kids, poor and barely finished high school...i broke the cycle and now i live a decent ,not fancy life,...so excuse me if i refuse to swim across your river of tears!

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        • furkers
          9 years ago

          Well if that's really true, "breaking the cycle" isn't something to become narcissistic over. It's just common sense. It's the bare minimum.

          And if you go on to be a nasty, judgmental person who lacks empathy well then, you haven't really broken the cycle have you? Then you're just another enabler, or worse, another piece of dynamite in this world waiting to blow.

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          • ajayllg
            9 years ago

            whatever ,,im not going to be sympathetic to anyone who wants to kill innocent people!
            Like Adam Lanza did!!

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    I can understand your view. I don't think anyone truly understands anyone else. People can suck but I've learned it's best to do with what we got. I imagine life in this reality as if it is some sort of hell that we are in full of chaos. It's easier once you accept that people's flaws but you cannot let them bring you down either. Everyone's out for themselves whether we realize it or not. I think people would be happier if they stopped worrying about horrible things in life and just did what they could to make best of what we got.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    Thanks. This is the truest battle there is. I live in a world that makes no sense, so the problem is that I am exhausted, very busy and unable to find anyone who understands me. I dont think they exist. The last one died.

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