I want to forgive and reconnect with a friend who raped me.

It sounds like your "friend" is a raging alcoholic!

he forced you into sex while he was drunk. If it were me i wouldnt speak to him again.

1) Though you let him kiss you, and didnt stop him from having sex with you it does not excuse what he did.

2) He did what he did while he was drunk and god forbid you are ever around him again if hes drunk.

He's lucky you didnt call the cops. And thats all of a friend you ever need to be to him anymore.

Whether you want to forgive him is up to you.

I think you should make it a condition for your friendship that he doesn't drink, if your description of how alcohol changes him is true. And whether it is a drinking problem or a more general problem, he should get help.

The incidents you mention are not your fault. You are not at fault for one guy beating up another be cause the former was drunk, and you are not at fault for someone forcing himself upon you.
In the rape situation, he did something he should not have done, regardless of whether you had said no. Compare it to a person punching someone, as long as the latter doesn't say 'I don't want to be punched'.

First of all I am so sorry this happened to you and this is NOT your fault in any way. It was not your fault when he beat up that guy, it wasn't your fault this time, HIS mistakes will never be your fault. Some of the people in these comments are questioning whether or not this was "really" rape which is pretty appalling. You did not reciprocate his actions, you were uncomfortable and probably scared, he acted selfishly and cruelly to you. Rape is serious, you owe it to yourself to take this seriously, and he needs to realize the seriousness of what he's done. It is his fault, he has done a terrible thing to you and he deserves to feel bad, it doesn't matter how nice he was in the past, he's proven he has the capacity for this violence. I do not think you should speak to him, especially not so soon. You need time to process what has happened. I urge you to see a therapist, someone who understands the lasting emotional effects of rape and who you can talk to in a safe environment away from fear or judgement, especially if you don't feel like you can talk to friends or family, which can be so difficult especially if they know the person who did it. There are also hotlines you can call for support. this is the number for RAINN which you can call 24/7 and talk to a trained counselor 1.800.656.HOPE. I hope this helps and please remember you deserve only love and never violence.

I can not tell you to(or not to) forgive chris, but if you do, then you should help him get better by making his go to therapy and get help, because even though you think he is nice, he seems to have a violent side as well

Whether you forgive him or not is up to you, but reconnecting may not be the best thing for you at this time. You will need time to process what happened. You may find that you don't even want to see him anymore because it will trigger painful memories. Also, there's always the chance that he will do it again. No friendship is worth risking your safety.

"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as revenge, with an increased ability to wish the offender well." -Wikipedia

In this case, I think forgiving him can be a good idea. But if I were you I would avoid any romantic/sexual relationship with him, and you should report him to the police so that he gets his punishment and therapy for alcohol.

And no, rape is not your fault.

I admit that it is my fault, but I didn't respond to ANY of his actions and I only liked the kissing part, not when he got rude. I asked him to stop, because I was frightened. It's just I guess I couldn't believe this was actually happening, so I didn't try to hit him or anything, but I swear I didn't want this.

And then if he didn't do anything wrong, then why would he beg for my forgiveness?

Forgive yes but why reconnect? Do you think it is a good idea?

Sometimes it's the best to forgive someone, not because they deserve it , but because you deserve some peace. However, I think you should wait, you keep blaming yourself in your text, which is a common thing in relationships. Your friendship seems tough, maybe you you should see other friends for a while and learn that his behaviour is not your fault.

You didn't fight him. There must have been something that told you this was going to be OK. Then, like so many women, you change your mind and call it rape. Rape is when you fight with everything you have and he beats the crap out out you and F's you.

Jesus christ people SHE SAID NO. this is appalling seriously. You're saying that because she didn't fight back hard enough it wasn't rape? Haven't you ever been in a situation where you have felt unable to act even though you wanted to? She was shocked and scared this was happening, and trusted that her best friend would never do this to her.
You are all proving to me why 1 in every four women have been sexually assaulted in this country.

you should seek revenge and rape him

Idk. Did he even know he raped you before you said anything?
I'm assuming you did because you said he's been apologizing.

You said you let him kiss you, but didn't kiss back.
You said you didn't fight him, so if you didn't protest mid-coitus, was he aware?

I'm definitely not justifying it, if you feel you were raped, and he's aware of it, don't talk to him.
If he's apologizing because he just now realized what he did but before thought it was consensual due to misunderstanding the situation and being drunk, then if you can, forgive him but be on guard and maybe avoid being alone with him..

Go ahead! Normally, once beaten...twice shy! Girl, you have been beaten once, and you are not shy about being beaten twice! hahahhaaaaa... it is normal cuz, some people will just repeat the same mistake forever! Go ahead, Go ahead, Go ahead if you want this mistake to be with you forever! Can I be clear to you...Lovers can't be "best friends". that's it!.you forced yourselves to be "best friends" while you are one of those persons who can be "best friends": 1) you love each other but you refused to admit it 2) Chris loves you but he was trapped into "friend zone" 3) you love him more that "a friend" but you didn't have the courage to confess it to him. and look at what you "forced best friend relationship produced"? But, actually if Chris loves you, he wouldn't be able to even talk to you after the rape...before you forgive him! Now, the ball is in the hands of both of you ...if you still doubt, have a clear talk with him, then you will know what to do! you are no longer a young girl!

I found this article while I was searching to answers for a very similar issue. My best friend raped me too and I froze and did nothing. I have since learnt that the flight / fight / freeze is a very common reaction and nothing to be ashamed of. He did something against my will and it was horrible. I forgave him over time, which I needed as much for myself as for him. I can now remember all the good times we had that were filled with love(of the friendship kind, not sexual). I want to reconnect with him and part of me feels that is ridiculous, the other part misses him terribly. Yes, he did something bad AND he also did lots of things good too. I'm confused by it all.
It was, however, rape. No getting round that. This article explains it very well....http://www.theloop.ca/this-woman-just-explained-consent-with-the-most-perfect-metaphor/
Only you can decide what to do but please don't ever think it was your fault or wasn't rape. And don't ever put yourself in that situation with him again.

There's already so many comments and it's probably already been said, but here's my two cents anyway. Forgiveness is healthy, and people often times feel a weight lifted from their shoulders when they can let go of something like that. However, I would never, ever reconnect with someone who raped me, or raped ANYONE. That sounds like a really bad idea. Don't give him your time, he is unworthy of you.
Sending you my regards <3

Its a shame somebody didn't force this guy go into rehab before he raped you. The guy is not only a rapist but a raging drunk. Why do some women always have this attraction to scumbags? I never quite got that. Stay away from him

This is really tough to answer, but I'm going to make it short.

I believe that everybody deserves a second chance in life and since you are considering forgiving him that he raped you might be reason to actually do.

It seems like he has an anger problem especially when he drinks so I advice you to talk with him about that and get him to never drink anymore or something like this.

Finally, you need to make 100% sure that he will never try anything like that again and remind him that what he did was wrong.

Sincerely, DolphinAngel

dowhatyoudo, "I never fought him, but I said "no" a couple of times and I asked him to stop. At first I liked it though, that's why I wasn't fighting, and I did not respond as well, because he was my best friend and it just didn't seem right to have sex. I thought we would both feel awkward afterwards."

It's one thing to forgive someone for doing this.

It's a whole other thing to try and maintain a friendship with them.

It's your decision, but I would be concerned he would do it again. He clearly has romantic feelings for you, which makes you a prime target for his advances - but also his frustration and potentially anger.

People are incredibly remorseful when sober, but it's amazing how quickly that can be rendered null and void after a few too many.

I would recommend being much more overt in your objections in the future though. If someone is doing something to you you don't like, at the very least OBJECT, don't simply submit. You didn't give him much of a reason to think he was doing something against your will.

He's not your real friend, hun. Real friends don't rape you :(

I want it because I miss him, because he is the greatest guy I've ever known and I also know that he is in a lot of pain at the moment because of what happened.
As for the rest of the questions.
I never fought him, but I said "no" a couple of times and I asked him to stop. At first I liked it though, that's why I wasn't fighting, and I did not respond as well, because he was my best friend and it just didn't seem right to have sex. I thought we would both feel awkward afterwards.
I don't think I need a therapist, I am fine actually. Of course, I feel betrayed, but still.

Now a sensible man
by and by a fool
and presently a beast

Sorry doesnt sound like rape, you said no a few times but let it happen and said you liked it.. I call it determination but not rape. Doesnt really sound like he forced you and I doubt your "no" sounded serious. Ive been with chicks who say no stop but then later we hook up almost like teasing.

If you said no with conviction and fought him off thats one thing but he probably took it as playing hard to get.

before anyone bitches I get the whole no means no but Ive been in many scenarios where based on the context of no it didnt aleays mean i wasnt gona hook up etc. im sure other males here can relate and you can tell when a chick really isnt into it...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

What do you mean by touching and kissing you rudely? And how did he hurt you? I mean if it is really rape you would stop him even if he is already sexually aggressive. But you let him do it.