I want to be with the same sex (female) but i don't want to be a lesbian

You've told us so little. How did you make it to 30 without trying anything with anybody? Most people who aren't sleeping with someone they're attracted to sooner or later get around to at least sleeping with someone they love. Never mind for a moment what you are or what you identify as - what's causing you to forgo sex when the sexual attraction is there, and then on top of that never go ahead and at least do it when you've got romantic feelings?

Looks are usually the first spark of attraction. Then we get to know someone and find you have metaphorical chemistry. Only then do we learn if we have sexual chemistry because that's actual literal chemistry - how we respond to a person's smell, their touch, a kiss, and so on. Then one night you wake up in pitch black with this person, you cannot see them at all but you want to devour them; you don't turn on the light, you don't speak, none of that shit matters. You don't even remember what the hell they look like, you want nothing but to mash your bodies together.

You'll never know who that person is just by looking at them, you have to kiss them to see.

You sound so confused mate. Just by the title I can tell you don't know what your talking about. Just be lesbian and deal with it, there is no justification for not wanting to be lesbian when you are attracted to women.