I want to be like holden caulfield?

Alright, let me first explain for all of those who may not have read "The Catcher in the Rye:"

Holden Caulfield is a teenage boy who lost his younger brother to cancer, was kicked out of a crap ton of schools, older brother absent, and a ton of other things.

I don't want those things (although my elder brother is absent) but what Holden tried to do was he tried to push everyone in his life away, and he wanted to be alone. Alone with his good memories so that he could never get hurt by losing someone he loved. He failed and ended up accepting it, but a huge part of me wants to do that! I hate ton lose people and have my heart broken.

Now, I was that person who wrote about how I didn't know how to tell my teacher how important he was to me, the post was called "What should i say to my teacher?" anyway, what I've realized is that since that teacher was my brother's age, I replaced my brother with him. Now that I haven't spoken to my teacher, I can't stand the idea of replacing him, and just want to hold the memories forever. But I can feel myself slipping! There's an older guy in my class whose their age and I'm starting to look up to him and forget about both of them before, and I honestly can't deal with that. I know that people say that people come in our lives and then they go, but I feel like i literally cannot accept that loss. Does anybody understand? Its so hard for me to deal with because that's all people say, likw its supposed to help while it just makes it worse...

I've tried talking to the teacher but he never got back to me. I feel so forgotten. My brother, my friend...I'm sorry since I know this sounds stupid, but it hurts so bad :(