I want to be a kid forever

Ever since I turned 10, (yes you read it right, 10) I thought that I was old and hated it. I have always been immature, I just didn't like the fact that I get old every day. I LOVED watching cartoons and anime and I still do even though I'm already in my early twenties. I didn't enjoy my childhood much, this might hugely be because I was a very shy kid and didn't have a lot of friends when I was younger. The few friends I had, were mostly guys. Maybe because I'm a tomboy and don't like talking about stuff that girls normally talk about. Also, my sisters married so young and they lived with us for maybe 5 years before they finally moved out (I'm not sure if this even contributes to it. And I know that it's unfair that I'm blaming them, but because of this happening, I resented them because I had to help so much around the house and had to share my room with my younger brother even though I was already a teenager). So yeah I couldn't do everything I wanted before, so now that I have all the chance in the world to do everything, I realized that maybe I can't anymore because I'm older.

I still do the things I want though. Most of my new friends are younger. Everyone thinks that I'm weird and I know that even my family thinks this even though they never tell me. I just feel it. Anyway, I'm not shy anymore. Well at least not as much as I was before. And I always wish that I could go back to the time where I could just watch cartoons, act immature, play all day and just have fun. Now when I try to, everyone looks at me weird and start judging me.

Yes, yes. This doesn't make much sense and I'm sorry. I just wanted to write it all down.