I seriously need help, read please

I will give it a title ''I have no idea how I can possibly be so sensitive and so emotionless at the same time''
I will give some truths here noone has ever heard coming out from me:)
To make a big story short ill just give some expiriences and thoughts during my life.
When i was younger around 3-6 i had this urge to steal ppl's money, stole from my uncle and lied to death to my mum afterwards which obviously wasnt stupid but i kept liying
From when i remember myself i had this really urge to overhtink stuff and many ''is it normal'' thoughts , i never really liek really loved anyone from my family eventhought they were really caring and i had no problems growing up.
I was feeling awkward from the day i remember myself i was like ''why this why that,human relationships are so wierd cant handle them'' tho i had friend:)
I was the kind of person that could never talk to girls i thought i was shy ,later on i discovered i was anxiousand theres a big difference, i have literally no idea how my personality got so many girls even at the age i felt like not talking to girls i could make out with them very easy tho i managed to get some girls but i left the one after another because i was getting bored i broke hearts and i had no idea. I always seemed awkward to ppl but the last 1 year i have managed to conceal it completely , people ask me how i changed but on the inside my ego is fragile as fuck :)
Also recently i got to understand what others expirience as love, i never felt that :( i always wanted girls just for the make out with them i never really enjoyed the company of a girl they all soundedsilly to me unfrtunately :/ I'm with a girl now but im nto sure whether i love her or not we are together 3 months and i cant say i like her company but i like her in bed for sure, i like to think i have changed but my thoughts always make me feel like a bad person, i had no regrets for things i should have :( I'm very self centered and i can manipulate people with ...UHM..NO IDEA i just can somehow :S i thought this was normal but got across an article about sociopaths and i looked it up as i always do with everything that seems wierd to me i look it up on the internet , i foudn some very very familiar things and that made me feel like really cool i thought i was smarter than a lot of people but after thinking it for 1-2 weeks it turned into a psychosis, i feel bad and that i will never get to expirience real feelings and i dont know why i feel so bad about this because inside my head even unconciously my choices in life have nothing to do with that really sensitive part of me.I'm doing therapy with a psychiatrist buti said to him i was just really anti social.The day of my therapy i feel like everything is fine, the day after the bad thoughts come again and they destroy me as i try to get my life together:S im 19 and have achieved nothing so far eventhought i can say i had dreams and i just let them down like i didnt give a fuck, i let ppl down... and to this day i say everyday that i will change but just cant, i feel like im missing something from this life:/ my relationship with friends is reall good, got a good gang and we are always laughing our asses off they say im one of the funniest people they have met and a smart one also, im thinking whether im smart or really sniky tho :// well sorry for long post all i wanted to know is if it is normal for my head to destroy everything im trying to do :) right know im in a university and i hope to god i will keep the motivation i have right now :) ( i dont believe in god) , my head is creepy in everyway u can think of it