I remember me but he does not want to remember me. iin?

HI this guy said I was his good friend and me being a curious person did not get the friendship and the college I met him at put us together and I still did not understand what was going on so I would hang out with him and think that we were together and then I would not hang out with him and hang out with other guys and then he would get angry for me hanging out with other guys and being curious. Well he left the school and we started talking on msn and I would keep off the subject of him and I being together. But when that subject came up he would make me upset and then I would get curious again and think well so what if he is not with me whats wrong with being curious with other guys. So I graduated from that college and we still talked sometimes on msn and sometimes on the phone. But he changed his email address and we dont talk on msn anymore. and I feel as though I did something wrong for him to block communication with me. I have tried search engines and such but I feel that I have found him but I try to contact him but it does not work. So I have all these questions and things talking about him on different sites. I know I should find better things to do then wonder about him. And I know I have a husband that I did not legally marry but maybe I should treat him like I treated this other young man. But I fear that I will only think of that man but not my husband. I want to be the best for my husband but it seems like I am not. But my husband still communicates with me and has not blocked communication with me. and he is somewhat a gentleman. I just fear I cant give my husband what I want to give to this other guy. and I fear that I am getting older and people around me are getting older and I just dont know how to react to this. So should I just go on and no matter how much I think of this other guy just ignore it and remember the good times and just ignore him? Maybe I would feel happier just giving my love for this other guy to my husband. I really want to be loved and I dont want to be looked at as a crazy person obssessed with something I can not have.