I pity this guy but also really want to sleep with him. is that sick?

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28 Comments

This is going to be a long story, but I'd really appreciate any help you can give.

First of all, I'm a gay guy in high school. No one knows and I don't fit the stereotype, so I don't think anyone even suspects it. People just don't think that the huge, black football player would rather bang the quarterback than a cheerleader.

I go to your pretty standard all-american high school. And this new guy came just started coming here a few months back, and I'm really into him. He's a small white guy (like there are girls that are bigger than he is) and comes from rural Georgia. He gets made fun of a lot and it pisses me off. People say he's just some dumb redneck but he isn't. He's actually really fucking smart but everyone treats him like dirt so he just doesn't talk much. People make fun of his accent but also the way that he dresses. He wears a lot of bad clothes, I think he's kind of poor. Like he will wear ripped jeans, but they're not fashionably ripped, if you get what I mean. I want people to leave him alone, but I can't really do a whole lot. My friends are horrible to him, too, and I've told them to knock it off but because I can't exactly tell them about it I don't have a 'reason' to not want them to be jerks.

To make matters worse, I think he has a really bad home life. Like I said before, I think he's really poor, but also I think he's being abused. He comes to school with bruises a lot. I saw him without a shirt in gym (I'm not a perv, I swear) and his back looked really scary. It freaks me out, because I don't know what to do. He doesn't seem to have any friends, and I hate to think about what it would be like to be in his situation if I'm right. You know, having both a bad home life and then coming to school to be treated like garbage.

Oh, and here's the best part. He's terrified of me. At least he seems to be. I kind of don't blame him, because my friends are such douche bags, but I'm not. I'm nice to him, but every time I've tried to talk, he finds some reason to end the conversation as quickly as possible. He will barely makes eye contact, and he seems on edge the whole time.

I'm just so mixed up about this. I've never liked a guy as much as I like him. I think about him all the time, but I just feel wrong about it. I want to help him out, but I don't think I could just be...a friend, ya know? It would drive me crazy. I really think I might love him.

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64% Normal
Based on 80 votes (51 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    I don't think it's sick. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings mixed into a really potent stew, and it seems totally normal to me that you'd have trouble separating and analyzing them. You obviously like the guy on a platonic level and on a romantic one, which is always confusing to deal with; add in your urge to protect him from a lousy life and defend him from your jerk friends, and it's a complex situation. Top that with not knowing whether he would reciprocate your feelings, and it becomes even more complicated.

    Everyone deals with the "I don't know if I could just be friends with this person" question. You know yourself better than anyone, but I know I never could manage it the few times I felt unrequited love. That doesn't mean you can't still make his life a little easier at school no matter what eventually happens with him -- friendship, love or otherwise.

    Given this really complicated situation, I think your actions are not only normal, but admirable. It should piss you off that someone who's poor and small gets picked on, and not just because you might love him. It shows your character. If I could offer some advice, take that a step further and tell your friends to stop being dicks. They shouldn't need a reason to stop being dicks, but if they do, tell them what you saw on his back and point out that it's vicious to pick on someone who already gets hell at home. Sometimes all it takes is one person to be a decent human being to shame others into acting like it, too.

    Good luck. You're dealing with a really complex set of emotions, but I admire you for handling them so well.

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    • manhattaninbox
      5 years ago

      That was beautiful!! Grateful to have read this post.

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      Wow, thank you.

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      • 1000yrVampireKing
        11 years ago

        If he is being abused he is already probably reluctant to talk to anyone. If he is also being treated horribly at school he probably does not trust anyone at school either. So his reaction to people is not all that surprising. You are a football player correct? So he probably finds you intimidating and thinks you want to pick on him if your buddies do. You feeling pity is not going to out you as gay. However just telling them to stop is probably not going to help this guy. You seem like the only guy who is not a complete dick to him from what you said. Also noticing cuts and bruises on someone in gym is not perverted. It is something people do notice and will sometimes make remarks about.

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        • cigs
          11 years ago

          if this is spelled right seriasist sometimes looks like bruises on the skin i have seen it before.

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          • Jackieman
            11 years ago

            I'll be honest, I have no idea what that is

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            • cigs
              11 years ago

              well the bruises can look just like a bruise small or big round circles all over the skin
              or they can be a reddish color and look the
              same.

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        • Jackieman
          11 years ago

          Yeah, I'm a football player. I'm a lot bigger than he is, and my friends are assholes to him so I get why he would be reluctant to trust me. But I AM nice to him, and I try to come up with any excuse to talk to him it's just that we don't have a whole lot of overlap. How should I approach him?

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          • 1000yrVampireKing
            11 years ago

            Maybe go talk to him at lunch.

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  • GreyWarden
    11 years ago

    So you feel friend zoned, minus the friend part?

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      Pretty much.

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  • HiAGAIN10
    7 years ago

    No black guy refers to themselves as "the big black". Hm...

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  • Funkywabit
    11 years ago

    Make sure you are thinking with the right head... Since you said you want to sleep with him...,when I play worst case scenario in my head this is what I get.... You guys become friends... You lose some shallow friends because of it... One night you put the moves on him and he rejects you.. Then he goes to school and tells everyone.

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      Do you really think he'd do that? Maybe it's just because I'm biased, but I don't think he's capable of that.

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  • Theadage
    11 years ago

    Don't feel sorry for him. Just be there for him as a friend. Also don't be too pushy... he'll eventually realize you mean no harm. Don't tell the others about what you noticed on his back. It would probably be embarrassing for him if anyone else found out. Your "friends"... do you know them that well? If you think they would understand, and stop, then go ahead. Be careful though, they might use that knowledge negatively.

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      Thank you for your advice. I really don't think my friends would understand, and you're probably right--telling any of them that I think he's being abused probably wouldn't help at all. As is, they're starting to make fun of me for talking to him, but I'm learning not to care so much. We don't talk a whole lot yet, and I know he doesn't trust me, but we're getting somewhere. Thanks, again.

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  • dinz
    11 years ago

    Wow it is like my life story right there minus the Gay part.

    I was in the same situation, when people realised I was trying to "converse" with the "loser". He was like an onion, you had to peel the layers he had built over the years, I was frustrated with his unwillingness to open up but as I got to know him I realised he isolated himself from the crap people threw at him.

    I suddenly realised who were my true friends. Some people didn't want to associate with me any further because I was seen with this dude at school and eventually outside school.

    The sad thing is that we assume the worse in people and people looked at this dude like he was the carrier of the plague. Now this is years back and our friendship has flourish. I consider him a good friend and one whom I would do it again.

    What I learnt is that trust is a big thing for a person like him and to earn that trust, you have to understand why is he like this.

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    • cigs
      11 years ago

      Yeah i agree.

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      Just from what I know for sure (that he's treated badly at school) I do get why he is like this. I don't know if he's physically bullied or not, but I don't doubt it. If he is, that really doesn't help because I'm a lot bigger than he is. You're definitely right about the trust thing. I know he doesn't trust me, and while I don't blame him it's frustrating. I can't even seem to get him to talk to me for more than a couple of seconds. How do I get him to believe that I'm on his side when everyone else isn't?

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      • cigs
        11 years ago

        im not sure maybe do stuff that he likes to do, but i wouldn't be thinking just because how they dress they are poor i sometimes dress as he does

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  • GreyWarden
    11 years ago

    I wish you luck

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      Thank you.

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  • TheLogicalSkeptic1
    11 years ago

    I think you already know how you should handle this situation, you just want others to reciprocate with similar opinions, but you don't need others to tell you what to do to in order to have a strong moral standing. At the end of the day helping him could have bad results, but you'll more than likely regret choosing pragmatism over your own integrity in social situations.

    If I were to give advice though, it would be that you should put more effort into talking to him and explaining that you mean him no harm...I'm sure that he could use a friend...which could turn into something more.

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    • Jackieman
      11 years ago

      I think you're right. I feel like the only thing to do is to try to be friends...it's just that I feel like I have ulterior motives for doing so, and like...maybe I wouldn't care if I didn't like him in that way.

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