I never want to be in a relationship again, what do people think of that?

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I just turned 50 this year and I am at a point in my life where I have zero desire to ever be with a guy again. I tried marriage, twice, and didn't like it either time. I'm super independent, totally self-sufficient and also pretty set in my ways. I have an amazing career that keeps me busy and a handful of great friends for if I ever feel like being social. But, I LOVE being alone. I am my own best friend and not to sound like a narcissist but I prefer my own company to that of others. I certainly am not willing to sacrifice for a relationship but now where I am in life, I don't even want to compromise. I want to do what I want, go where I want and live the way I want without ever having to consult with anyone else. I have never felt lonely a day in my life, not even sure what that would feel like. I just see how it seems the entire world around me is filled with people desperately trying to meet their match, but I feel like I'm the only person who just doesn't care. Maybe it's because I did try marriage and hated it. After the first one I figured it was just the guy, so I picked another guy. I thought he was great, but it ended terribly, although we're still friends. And I guess I should be clear, I feel 100% fine with my decision. I certainly don't care about societal norms whatsoever, I do march to the beat of my own drum for sure. On a weekend I may want to sit around in my pjs all weekend watching whatever TV I feel like watching. I don't want the whole "So, what are WE doing today?" I hate that. I don't want to consider someone else's plans into mine. I've dated the "hiker" who always wanted to be outside and I hate being outside. I dated the guy who wanted to be social all the time and I hate being social. I dated the "we must be busy for 100% of every weekend" guy and I hated not having down time. I've yet to find a guy who is willing to just sit around and do nothing on the weekends, and so, I will do that by myself. I The ONLY downside I can think of is in old age, who's going to pick me up when I fall on the floor, you know? But I'll take my chances.

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Based on 20 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • Djjsjsjsnhujana
    6 years ago

    Do whatever makes you happy, in the end you only have yourself.

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  • ShadowCat
    6 years ago

    I think that's awesome. I'm only 31 and I feel the same way already, and for awhile I questioned if that was "normal", but quickly answered that question with "Who cares?" You need to do what's right for YOU.

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    • anonymous111
      6 years ago

      Same and I'm 28! Rock on girl, and have no fear!!

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  • geek_god_101
    6 years ago

    It's okay to be single and happy. It is a lot better than being in a relationship and miserable. Some people are starting to realize that it's okay to get an education before getting married. It helps establish a stable career.

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  • Hotdogsaregross
    6 years ago

    I think it's normal. I feel somewhat similar.
    I think if my current marriage doesn't work out I will never marry ever again and will be single for the longest time.
    I already have days now where I wish I could just be alone and do what I want to do. When you're married you have to consider what the other person wants too. Being single you have the freedom to do whatever you want to do. So I do understand and I think it's normal.

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  • Dustyair
    6 years ago

    I think it's just fine.

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    As you say, there is societal pressure for everyone to be in a relationship of some sort. Couples are seen as "normal".

    In the end, what others expect of us doesn't matter a damn. Everyone should be free to live the life they want to live. It sounds like you've got your life sorted out, and you know yourself well enough to be certain you want to live alone. Since your decision is affecting only you, there's nothing wrong with that.

    The only question I have is why you felt the need to post here. If you were just talking out loud and sending a declaration of independence out into the universe, that's fine. But I have to wonder if you might be seeking some sort of validation, and that would suggest you're not as certain as you claim to be.

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    • bunnyman
      6 years ago

      Hey there, it's a super valid question. To be honest it was more the former, like "Hey world, this is me, deal with it!" It's definitely not for seeking validation. I think I could label it a social experiment, or just a general curiosity as to what people actually think about saying screw you to society. I was curious if people would say "rock on", which I'm happy to see people are doing, or "what's wrong with you?" To be honest it wouldn't impact me either way but in a society where, as you say, being a couple is the "norm" I wondered how people would react to something that goes so far against the grain. Believe me, I am as certain as certain gets on this topic. But, glad you asked because it gave me the chance to clarify. So yes, it's my declaration of independence, not seeking approval, just putting it out there :)

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  • noid
    6 years ago

    Whatever works

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  • Lonelywife
    6 years ago

    Agree!

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    I have a deep sense of respect, and admiration for you! I'm almost 50, but the difference is I am not successful. I want to go back college, I'm not sure what I want to do, but I think being in a relationship is highly overrated. Maybe if it were the "right guy", but honestly the compromising and being accountable to another person bullshit is so unappealing to me right now. I honestly have come to believe that the desperation and longing for companionship that many people, myself included, often feel is toxic in that to yield to such feelings only leads to further, loneliness, isolation and ultimately a sense of failure.

    Honestly, I think I am becoming progressively more appreciative of solitude, and to tell you the truth I would like to be more like you!

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    • bunnyman
      6 years ago

      Wow thank you! It sounds like you're not far off, I mean you seem to already feel the pains/downsides of compromising and accountability. And you totally hit it on the head that the "quest" can be toxic leading to failure, that was such a true statement! I'm glad to hear you appreciate solitude, that's half the battle I think so many people are in crappy relationships because they would rather that than be alone and I have NEVER understood that. So thanks again, I wish you great success in your new college adventure and in your continued appreciation of your solitude.

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      • RoseIsabella
        6 years ago

        Thanks so much, Bunnyman! I just wish I would have been learning to embrace this some 25 to 30 years ago. I do, however, think that all media, and film and literature especially, push the whole love story thing.

        I also think, and perhaps more importantly, that it is a cultural thing. As much as I felt a discernable push from peers here in the United States I can only imagine how awful it must be, especially for girls, in less enlightened cultures. I certainly have more than my share of personal issues with my family of origin, but one thing I'm very grateful for is the fact that my parents never pressured me to get married, and give them grandchildren like many others do. I did try, and fail at the marriage thing twice. The first one was fairly real and sincere in intention. I think there were issues like the fact that we had moved multiple times during the beginning of our relationship for his career which ended up taking a toll on my career, as well as my having certainly undiagnosed health conditions. I think the thing that probably hurt me the most was the fact that I dropped out of college to get married. It used to be a very common thing to do in the mid 20th century especially, I made my mistake in 1995, and I hope it's not as commonplace today.

        I think it's essential that young people not compare themselves too much to their peers. Many girls are constantly, obsessively comparing notes on their love lives to the point that the single girls start to feel that there is something wrong with them if they don't have a sweetheart which is wrong, and toxic. Sure, there are people who marry their high school or college sweetheart, and live happily ever after, but I think it's really more the exception than the rule. So it's essential that a single person who wants to appreciate and make the best of his or her solitude seek out like minded individuals.

        Sorry for the rant. Thanks for your response.

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        • bunnyman
          6 years ago

          It wasn't a rant at all, you make such great points! I think you're right about the difference in pressure we might feel as a 20 something vs a 50 something. I myself fell prey to societal pressure at the age of 28. It was that whole "A woman who hasn't been married by 30 is an old maid" thing. I had that in my head, for some reason, and so I just married the guy I was with at the time, and never really loved him and it was over in under 2 years. My parents never pressured me either, in fact my mom even asked me "Do you even love him?" and I couldn't even answer her. So I guess we all have been there done that in one way or another.

          And I do feel bad for the youth of today just because of how social media impacts everyone's perceptions and how your whole life is everyone's business. Now it's so in your face if you do, or don't, have a relationship to talk about. All of your friends and their friends are posting online about their fabulous love life and if you're unhappily single it will make you feel worse. That's when people start settling just for the sake of saying they're not alone. That to me is the real tragedy.

          And your point about other cultures is a really good one too. I was recently very interested in learning about how women are perceived/treated in different cultures. Some having no choice in their spouse, no choice about even IF they want to get married and some being pushed into it as children. I do step back at times and count myself very lucky to even be in the position to be able to choose my current state of being. Whether it's because I'm in a great culture or in a great state of mind, I still feel lucky.

          And it's never to late to embrace it.

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          • RoseIsabella
            6 years ago

            Amen to that!

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        • anonymous111
          6 years ago

          It was not a rant. Your thoughts are valid and helpful.

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