I need help to understand the status of my relationship ?

11% Normal
18 Comments

I am with my boyfriend for the past 4 1/2 years.At first we were perfect couple for everyone we know.Still the perfect couple image is still there but for real it does not exist .My story may be very long please take a moment to read it, because I need your help

I'm really frustrated in things which happen to me in my relationship.now every one would ask is the 'love' still there? yes it sure it,I love him so much and I do know that he love me too. The matter is that my boyfriends way of loving me has changed during the past year. And I should mention that as the girl i never restricted him on anything he want to do, I felt 100% comfortable when he go out with his friends or to hangout with him and his friends, there were times when i suggested him' why don't you go out with friends today'?

For the past year My perfect relationship changed so fast that, now I feel like a crazy person, alone, ignored, unloved and ill-treated. It is not because my boyfriend is seeing another girl or anything, he just doesn't want to hangout with me anymore like he use to. I thought he needed some space, I had never been the girl to restrict him so I let him have his own time( I believe that's what keeping my relationship going on still )hoping he would change in time. But things got worse, his calling habits went to like once every two days, i made my self not to bother about less calls so im fine with that.Then it came to seeing each other less and less, I thought it was ok since he is working.So we meet like once in two weeks,he don't take me to movies any more,he doesn't enjoy gaming with me anymore. and he recently became very aggressive.We had fought before but very recently he hit me on the arm and once he punched me on the face. That day he cried so much after seeing the bruise and he apologized and did the first-aid he could. I had a good thought about it,but I just couldn't make my self forget him and put an end to this relationship i am so attached to him.He did promise me he wouldn't hit me after that day no matter what go wrong and up to now it has been 6 months and he has kept his word. He introduced me to his family and we are planning our wedding next year.

what bother me the most is that he once said to me that he doesn't care much as he use to care for me,He said that i should do what he says and be with him by his rules. He ignore me so much when we are out with friends and he behave like i don't even exist.He would never pick up his my calls when he is with friends and most of the time he invite his friends for stay overs at his home.I don't get to speak to him when his friends are at his place,he once or twice made fun of me in front of his friends. This behavior made me hate his friends and i rarely hang out with them, and another thing that upset me most is, the feeling of lack of appreciation, even though he introduced me to his family it has been only once, and after that he never took me to any of the occasions at his home,but all the friends are invited except me. one of his friends is getting married to his sister in months and that guy is practically living there. It hurt me so much to be left out of all his family where all friends would be and i am not. most of all i have never left him out by any chance in any occasion in my family. I may be crazy yes,it is driving me crazy because i never can talk about it directly to him if i try to talk about it he would shout at me and we end up in a fight. I feel mentally abused,i feel i deserve more attention and love than what he give me,I need the guy who he use to be a year back,please help me understand,I cant understand my own feelings,I need him and i know he love me too. Is there a way to make him appreciate me more, like he use to? these mixed up emotions of love and the loss of appreciation is slowly killing me.Some times I feel i want to kill myself and let all of this go just because i cant convince him that i need him the way he use to be.

Voting Results
11% Normal
Based on 35 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • EndlessEcstasy
    12 years ago

    DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. If he hit you once, he'll do it again. Marriage doesn't make things better if you are already experiencing turmoil in the relationship. I hope you can find true happiness in your life.

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    • joybird
      12 years ago

      I agree 100% DO NOT MARRY HIM - everything will get much worse and if he doesn't want to hang out with you why on earth would he want to come home to you after work every night? And why would you want him to, when you can't even talk openly to him?

      You may think it would be the end of the world if you split up but trust me it won't and at least it's on your terms. It is going to be much worse if he dumps you when you least expect it.

      I think in the past year he has got cold feet about marrying you and doesn't want to say.

      As for his violence - this too will escalate once he feels you are stuck with him.

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  • zilla
    12 years ago

    Hi sweetheart,

    You must be hurting a lot right now. You've clearly invested a lot of yourself in this relationship - and I can see that you want to find a way to work it out. That is a very wonderful quality that you have.

    I'm about to say what I think, and I really hope that you think about what I'm saying to you. Try not to write it off because it may not be what you were hoping to hear. I have been in your position, swear to god. I think the position you're in is not something to be taken lightly. I mean both in the terms of the state of the relationship, and also that you said it makes you want to kill yourself. (Please don't do that - I promise you that things always get better - seriously, always - I've been there.)

    1. I don't think you should feel like a crazy person. There is a legitimate reason that you are feeling alone, ignored, unloved, and ill-treated. It's because you are. He is spending less and less time with you, leaving you out when friends get together, not enjoying the things you two used to enjoy doing together, and above all, physically hurting you. You feel badly because someone you love is treating you badly - it makes a lot of sense.

    2. Though it may have started as a perfect relationship - it is an abusive relationship as of now. Not only physically, but from what I can gather, more emotionally abusive than anything else. You are giving everything you have to this relationship and what you are getting back is very, very negative.

    3. I do not think you should stay with this person. I think you will be able to find someone who appreciates you more every day. I don't think you should marry someone who causes you to even utter the words "I want to kill myself" - even if you know in your heart that you wouldn't do it. I think you should find someone better for you.

    Keep your heart open to someone who will work out conflicts with you openly, never make fun of you in front of his friends, and most importantly make you feel loved.

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    • sweet88
      12 years ago

      Thank you very much, your point of view regarding my relationship touched me deeply. I do understand what you say is true, it is practical..but above all that I have some obligations too. That is why I'm seeking help to get things back to normal, there might be a way i just wish!

      I'm very emotional person,I have the urge to feel secured because of my childhood experiences,my parents had always been very violent at each other and as a kid i didn't have the best time. I found a lot of faith in my boyfriend for the past few years before all this emotional turmoil began.I am deeply attached to him,It will not be possible for me to forget him, there are too many reasons, you might see I am obsessed but i wont call my love for him is an obsession.

      Secondly I live in a country where culture rule. Simply saying a virgin is the best choice for marriage if not then her married life will be a living hell.I cant move on because of this reason.More over I don't have many friends to talk about this, and i keep bottling up.I am glad I found this site, at least I got some decent replies. I may sound stupid but I don't want to be left alone all my life without him.

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  • Pwned125
    12 years ago

    Honestly, i think you should break up with him. He doesn't treat you right in anyway! He doesnt appreciate that you let him hang out with his friends and he is taking advantage of it. There will be others

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  • Rusty-Rider
    8 years ago

    Run away as fast as you can. Men who punch women in the face have serious mental health issues, and your culture doesn't help the situation. Get out of this relationship before he kills you.

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  • BlondeBambi
    12 years ago

    He's not worth it.

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  • casualcrow
    12 years ago

    The burden is not yours to convince him that you need him. Take a walk one day and try to think about your situation from an outside perspective. Pretend you are someone else looking in. It is easy to see that you are truly unhappy.

    Your boyfriend reminds me of myself when I was going out with my first girlfriend. At first I thought I was in love and I thought that we would be together forever. The thought of her being with someone else was enough to make me go crazy. Then something changed over time, we started growing apart. Loving her didn't seem so natural anymore and I wasn't crazy about her like I was before.

    She started looking less attractive and getting more annoying. Basically I got tired of her so I started seeing more attractive girls and having new experiences and I was happy again. I remember she was doing the same thing you are doing, started giving me more space, didn't care that I wasn't calling her, not seeing her as often, etc. You know what this is? Desperateness. You are desperate to hold on to your relationship so you're starting to do things for him to make him happy but it's only making things worse.

    In my opinion I believe this relationship is almost over. It looks like you will have a very hard time getting over this guy but trust me, you will be happy again. It seems impossible but he is not right for you. Sure you have memories but those memories are non-existent anymore and the present is killing you. You will have to move on, for your own good.

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    • sweet88
      12 years ago

      Thank you for the reply.. It's good to see what a guy really think about my situation, I guess guys can understand what a guy does and why?!. You are right, right now i am in a unhappy relationship. But i want at least try not to give up. I am positive my boyfriend is not seeing other girls.( I live in a country where there still culture rule)You might find it stupid, but its the truth, and as a couple we do have a good physical relationship too( which i should have thought twice but what happened has happened) I know he is satisfied when it come to the sexual relationship.

      The only problem is that i feel ignored and unloved at times by the way he behave when we are not together. when he come to see me, he is perfectly alright maybe expecting to have sex, but i don't make myself available to him all the time and he seem to be patient when I show the 'no' for it.After a while he leave my place or by the next day mostly he just turn out to be the ignorant person once again.

      It's his friends i see as the cause of the problem. they just don't let him be alone and drag him to do things if he doesn't go, they would come to his place, and now he seem to be addicted to having fun all the times with the guys. It all started when one of his friend was proposed to marry my boyfriends sister. Since then that guy has been practically living at his place and since all friends are there, he just doesn't seem to find the time and space for me :( .. I just need to find a way to make him understand that he need to go back to who he was.. you are a guy, you might understand his situation!

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      • casualcrow
        12 years ago

        Seriously everything you say sounds very familiar. I believe that your boyfriend has gotten complacent with you and his surroundings. You say that things are better when he is with you and you guys have a healthy sexual relationship, but when he goes out with his friends it gets bad.

        He is a different person when he is not with you. It sounds like he is more comfortable with his friends and has more fun with them. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just going with the info you gave me. I still think he cares about you, but his emotions are not sincere. I think he is just staying in this relationship because he's used to it.

        You guys probably have the same routine every time you see each other. I don't think you should try and hold on to this relationship. It's detrimental to both of you be together if there is no communication and no happiness.

        This is just my opinion and you don't have to listen to me. Every man is different and I could be wrong but one thing is clear, you are not happy and he is not happy. Both of you are just going through the motions.

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        • sweet88
          12 years ago

          You are reading my mind :( it is sad to admit it, but i still dont want to, not yet, i am not ready!! Thank you for your replies. It really helped me to think, I do see what you tell maybe true, but I'm just not ready to let go..sad but true

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  • Abnormallynormal
    12 years ago

    Is this a movie script...its long? By the way move on...

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  • kellstar79
    12 years ago

    Move on!!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    kill yourself? no dont be silly , let him go and start again, when he comes running tell him yr needs and they are non negotiable, if he doesnt come its for the best, plenty other fish but you must have fun, even if it seems hard at first, be prepared to say goodbye

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  • surefriends
    12 years ago

    you have 2 relationships. the one you wanted and now the one you don't. discuss this together.

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    • sweet88
      12 years ago

      I would like to, I tried to find the best time to discuss this, but he manage to stop it some how..

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  • 8==D
    12 years ago

    I didn't read this. I pity you however

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  • HolyHotPockets
    12 years ago

    You've grown apart... He's admitted he's not as interested in you as he was before, and spending less time with him doesn't seem to make him to want to spend more with you, sounds like you guys hit a dead end and are just continuing out of a shared history.

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