I need advice with online dating

21 Comments

I decided to try online dating.. so I downloaded an app and I started chatting to a few people, added them on another messenger to talk to and get to know them. One guy stood out after sending a message, me replying jokingly and us talking straight for 3 days, he was cheeky fun and flirty so I thought okay this is going good, then he had read my message but hadn't replied so I left it, but was desperate to talk to him.. I started the conversation again and we chatted then the same happened but he also seemed slighty different but it might have been me for starting to like him and acting different as I get shy and nervous when I like someone.
Anyway he never replied or messaged so by this time my heart was kind of sinking.. he seemed quieter than usually but if I started talking then he seemed happy to talk. I thought he wasn't interested but im still not sure. I asked him a few subtle questions 'do you want to get to know me?' and his reply 'I am getting to know you'.
The day after 24 hours later I started the conversation again and ended up asking him if he was shy which he didn't seem shy at the beginning but being shy myself I had a feeling. And he said 'im extremely shy cant you tell?' we spoke about being shy as I am and he said he goes red a lot and im just the same, so that explained a lot for me. I know you are all going to say its only been a few days but he seems right for me he is the exact same as me and I cannot get him out of my head but ive no idea about this situation do I wait until he starts talking? Or do you think he isn't interested? Am I going to have to be the one to make this happen?
The thing is I at least want to do is get to know him. But I cant work out if he doesn't chat because hes shy or because he isn't interested.. because I know what it's like not to be interested in when I like someone.. or not to be interested in someone when the other person is.

You'll have to do the work 3
Wait and see if he makes the effort 3
Other 1
Dont bother with him 1
Keep making conversation and throw in a few flirts 5
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Comments ( 21 )
  • ERIC-CARTMAN98
    6 years ago

    You should wait to see if he starts anything you can't be the one always starting not matter how enthusiastic he sound when you do.Shy people like texting because its not very intimate and you can be yourself so if he was shy and interested he would want to talk. Trust me i know how much it sucks to wait for that text but if and when it comes you will be very happy and it'll be worth the wait knowing they want to talk to you. So my advice is to just wait and control yourself.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I can't control myself, I am extremely shy myself.. I know how it feels but I see him online on the app and I keep messaging him. It's so awful the way I'm feeling because deep down I think he isn't into me

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      • ERIC-CARTMAN98
        6 years ago

        I know how hard it is to stop yourself from sending that one little text all the time i go through it almost everyday myself! But just keep trying and wait as long as you can cause relationships just don't work like that it has to be a two way effort and you need to give yourself some worth at least in beginning.Being shy has nothing to do with sending a text especially if you text him all the time and show him that you wanna talk i am pretty sure he noticed it. So if he is intrested he'll text you just wait so you can know for sure.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          But he says he's extremely shy can you not tell? I know he won't text me

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          • ERIC-CARTMAN98
            6 years ago

            If you still think he is too shy to text first then you can try dropping hints to about it to tell him he should text first. Like when you end the conversation say something like " I hope to hear from you soon" or anything like that or if it just gets too confusing and you feel comfortable with the conversation just go ahead and ask directly it might work everything out.

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          • ERIC-CARTMAN98
            6 years ago

            I am extremely shy but that would never effect me in a situation like this, If he is always the one texting first then yes his shyness might stop him but if you are always texting him then you obviously want to talk so there is nothing to be shy about.. It's a very lame excuse it doesn't go with your situation.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              6 years ago

              It's confusing because I would say he isn't interested but he wanted to add me on snapchat.. and he wanted to see more and the flirting well.. I'm shy and I kind of get it if I like someone I'm all nervous but with him I'm not because he isn't making the effort! I just feel annoying. But when we do talk he isn't blunt or anything. I should leave him a few days then maybe message him on the app again.

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  • JonathanOo
    6 years ago

    Make a move if you can since you know what he is going through. Or you can wait for him but you'll likely not get anywhere that way...

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  • Honest_human_being
    6 years ago

    I would properly get to know each other first then take them out on a date, you never know who could be on the other side. It could be a fat 50 year old sweaty builder.

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  • yesnomaybeso
    6 years ago

    Honestly, it's not about being shy! if you are the only one who starts the conversations, he doesn't seem that interested.

    i'd wait a bit and if he doesn't make the effort to start the conversation, i'd (Be sad but) accept that it was never meant to be!

    it's not like he has to drive to your house and meet your family, he only has to start a conversation, which you've done several times, so believe me, it's not about being shy...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      That sucks I was hoping it was.. I am shy online and offline so I know how it feels but what if I make the effort and he begins to like me? Yet if I sit back someone else might get him.

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      • yesnomaybeso
        6 years ago

        Sure, if you feel alright talking to him, go ahead! but if he never actually makes the effort to start the conversation, you're gonna end up feeling moody / sad .... eventually.

        I guess that, as long as you dont' feel that way, keep doing it. But if the day arrives and you are tired of having to make all the effort, i'd suggest being honest.
        sure, it will . would... be difficult, but you have nothing to lose! it's either being honest and maybe fixing everything up, or not saying anything and lose contact eventually.
        so i'd just be like hey, i really like talking to you and i enjoy our chats, but i need to know if you enjoy them too, because i feel like i have to talk to you first all the time. i need a straight answer, and i won't blame you, but i feel silly otherwise...
        just be sure you ask for a straight answer so he can't reply like he did the other day
        well iunno that's what i would do
        i'd be dead scared of the answer
        but ive been in a similar situation where i didn't ask a question because i was too scared of the answer
        and now, looking back at it, it was way worse. when i did know the answer, a year later, it hurt way more, if only i had asked back then, it would have saved so much trouble! iunno if that makes sense because im not giving you many details, but it was also about a guy... and i wasn't sure if he actually loved me! i should've asked, and not lie to myself for a whole year.... (it's not your case i know, but it's sort of similar)

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          I'll try that. Just gunna try and talk to him and if things get awkward I'll ask him outright if it's not the answer I want I'll just have to get over it and at least I'll know.
          I wonder what sort of things I could ask. About his shyness and things?

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          • yesnomaybeso
            6 years ago

            Hey, sorry, i dont know if im too late. i've been busy.

            how about you suggest playing games? like, random questions asked at each other, or the "you have to say a random fact about you that i dont know" ... so you get to know each other in a "easier" way?

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              6 years ago

              Tried to show how I feel I asked if he'd met anyone else and he said he'd been hanging out with a friend from work but that's all it was.
              I might ruin it but I'm going to tell him how I feel.

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  • TheEyesTheySee
    6 years ago

    As a shy guy Ive like many girls that talked to me, however, I couldn't really show my emotions towards most of them as most of them were turned away by my seemingly defensive nature, however, some girls insisted on talking to me and eventually busted open my emotional shell. My advice to you is that you insist on talking to him and make your motives clear, it may clear any doubts he may have and will help motivate him towards working towards a relationship. best of luck :)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      All it feels like though is he isn't interested. We matched but he hasn't yet spoke first but when I speak first we have a good talk. I don't know I'm finding it confusing I don't know whether to be forward or what because I am also shy.

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