I miss her

I miss my ex, if there is a 'one', she was it and I let her slip through my fingers because I was to lazy, too content and selfish to care. I disregarded her feelings and ignored her kindness. I still love her, even more now shes gone, I have an aching heavy feeling of regret and sorrow that I cannot explain. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't, I'm too wrapped up in my own little world and comfort zone that I would rather see her gone then improve myself. Now I feel sick and I cant sleep for crying every night when I'm alone. I have no interest in moving on or finding someone else, nobody could be as perfect as her, as beautiful, kind, compassionate and understanding as her. She was the only person that will ever want me, that will ever put up with me, but I pushed her away. And she is the only person I want. But having her means abandoning my home, leaving my mum alone, and this is the only place that I truly feel comfortable and relaxed. I don't know why but I seem to have no desire to 'fly the nest' and get my own place. I suppose its because I don't feel trapped or restricted here like most people do, living with their parents. All I know is that I love her and I will continue loving her until my miserable, mediocre life comes to an end. Is it best to ignore what my heart is telling me to do and leave her alone? I keep messing her around, I miss her and need her but she will be much better off without me. I hope one day I will 'grow up' and become what she always wanted me to be, what I was when we first got together, and maybe win her back, but I know that won't be for a long time, by then she will have someone else, or will have already been with other people, and if that was the case I couldn't go to her, as I know I will save myself for her, she is the only one for me and ill stay faithful to my love.