I'm talented, smart, and attractive...but still have zero confidence?

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14 Comments

I am an intelligent, good-looking guy who sings extremely well. I can look into a girl's eyes and watch her melt while I sing. Yet, even when girls are almost literally throwing themselves on me, I CANNOT make the first move, and most times the second either. A girl could be begging me to ask her out(indirectly of course = flirty eyes, always coming a bit closer than necessary, etc.) and I will still be scared to talk to her. Today, a woman came into the bar where I work in the hopes that I would be there(we'd had a few exchanges of eye contact, the kind where it's obvious there's interest there). I sort of waved at her and then proceeded to avoid the side of the bar she was on because I was afraid to talk to her. She walked out a little later giving her friend a frustrated look. After she walked out I thought, "All you had to do was go over and say hello, ask her her name...." Does anyone have some advice about this. How can I learn to get over this paralyzing fear of just approaching a girl? Is this normal?

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71% Normal
Based on 103 votes (73 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • Darkoil
    13 years ago

    Time to nut up or shut up, Struggling for something to say? honestly ive never met a girl that doesnt like me going up and just talking about how unbelievably gorgeous and sexy they look, works everytime dude.

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    • PadThaiaddict
      13 years ago

      I hate that. I think most girls have some confidence but we know that we're not supermodels. If you start gushing over me like I'm Beyonce, I'll get annoyed and uncomfortable.

      to the question poser: Singing takes guts. Since you said you can sing in front of girls it seems to me like you have no problem communicating words and ideas as long as their not your own. Normally I would not tell a guy how to pick up girls but since you seem like a great guy I'll give you some general tips.

      1. Don't make it into more then it is. One bad conversation with a girl is not going to ruin your chances with her for life. Everyone says dumb things sometimes and life goes on. Also keep in mind that women at bars don't always remember what's been said to them for long.

      2. Smile

      3. ask her questions about herself. Girls love to talk about themselves

      4. Don't take yourself too seriously, joke around.

      5. If you're smart let her know what university you go to / what area you're studying

      6. If you sing maybe ask her who her favourite artist is and then no matter who it is be like "I can sing just like him" < say jokingly

      7. Whatever you do don't lie and don't try to act like someone you're not. Lying makes you more nervous not less.

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  • tylerD1977
    13 years ago

    Haha, weird but over the weekend I ended up having sex with a girl for the first time. It's kind of a f**ked up situation but I guess I did decide to grow a pair.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    If you could sing infront of them then wtf?

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  • Rubboyhamus
    8 years ago

    hi dude this is normal.. i'll tell you why.. i am very talented as well.. i am a bboy,a singer and even a speed cuber.. still the problem is that i have had no girlfriend.. i am good at looks too.. when i am b-boying the girls would just lose themselves and they love it very much.. but they feel very odd cause they think i am out of this world and feel uneasy.. when some pretty girls see me b-boying,i want them to come near and if they keep looking at me and come near i get afraid.. so n other girls who are not good at looks,i don't give a damn.. so,i never have a girlfriend although i am all the way smart and please almost all girls coz of my talent.. i think many smart guys have the same problem.. so,its normal.. :)

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  • nakedman
    10 years ago

    nothing like being modest...

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Honestly, your overthinking it. All your doing is over-analyzing the situation at hand. Just calm down, relax, and everything will work itself out. If your an attractive guy and you can sing to girls trust me you'll be fine. Plus, girls love a guy who has self confidence, and literally all singing is is major self confidence and a good voice. Just remember, calm down, slow up, and always use protection:)

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  • nanimeow
    13 years ago

    Crap, you've mastered how to attract the other sex; flirt somewhat and give them a little to think about and then act not sexually interested.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Sing louder.Just a little bit louder.
    And:Shit happens when you party naked.

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  • DannyKanes
    13 years ago

    Lacrymosa gave the best advice, practice/rehearse what you would say to her and what you can talk about. The worst thing is not having anything to talk about when you meet a girl. If you know she is studying physics at Uni bam, read up on your physics or so to speak lol :-) But mostly, be confident man! Suit up, score chicks and be awesome!

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    what? you can sing? well what are you worried about, dont talk to them sing to them. who wouldnt like that

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  • xino00
    13 years ago

    lol... well it's good to practise, everyone gets this.

    But trust me, when you are that desperate, you will make sure you make the move!
    Trust me man, you need to make the move at some point.

    Once you start, everything will go smoothly!
    If you plan to know what to say, don't! Because you will mess up, stumble with words and silence will occur.

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  • Lacrymosa
    13 years ago

    Hmmm I guess this Is pretty normal :) Dont worry about it!
    Maybe practice first. You may be scared of messing up.

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  • deviantd
    13 years ago

    Damn dude grow a pair!

    The worst that someone is going to say is no, not interested. Well they can say worse, but um these girls are OBVIOUSLY into you.

    find a book or something and work on your self-confidence. In the mean time don't talk to them, sing to them.

    at least they'll know you like them. Then skip talking and just go into a kiss.

    After that, if you can manage to get a few words out ask them out on a date to a movie. Great for not having to talk. After or during make out some more. If you can't talk to them after that you need professional help.

    Or maybe a few of them will slap some since into you ;)

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