I'm scared that i will never get close to anybody

I'm an emotionally driven person, and with whatever I do, I always need to have a reason or motivation to push me towards the goal. Often, it has been that one "special" person in my life, whether if that's a friend, a teacher or someone I look up to. I've been lucky to have met these people who I would become so emotionally dependant on (not in the sense that I cry to them or spill my heart out, it's just the sense of the motivations and encouragement, as in their opinion would value soo much to me)

I would desperately do everything I can to get close to the person, almost scared to lose them, But then the problem is, the moment we become closer, that feeling of trust and dependability just disappears. It's the moment that the personal barier is broken, or moment I open up to them, I will suddenly be overwelmed by this uneasiness and uncomfortableness, and want to avoid them at all cost. what's worse is that I often develop this unexplainable hatred towards them.

I feel like I've lost so many people in my life because of this. I feel so bad and I'm scared that I will never get close to anybody.

Is this normal? how do I stop feeling like this.