I'm out of control.

The first thing you must do is stop blaming others for your actions. Lot's of people grew up in shitty households and didn't choose drugs or crap friends.
Once you've learned to take responsibility for your own actions, then you can make changes. First and foremost is to get as far away from these 'friends' as you possibly can. Find new friends who don't do drugs, who do interesting and worthwhile things.
Find activities to occupy your time, like mountain biking, hiking, fishing, boating or even sewing if it interests you.
It probably won't be easy to break years of bad habits, but it will be worth it. Good luck.

I know how you feel, at least your realizing it younger than I did. I'm 24 and addiction essentially put my life on hold for six years. I'm now on the right meds and going to a psych and I can say, with all honesty, that if you try (and it's going to be hard, probably the hardest thing you'll ever do) and succeed at starting a new, sober chapter of your life, everything gets better. It wasn't until I had been clean for a few months after near a decade of chronic use of pretty much everything, but mostly crystal, that I started to feel that life is worth living again. I know how it feels to loose that, to loose all hope, but it comes back, it takes a while, but it does!

Addictive behaviour. Also u do all the fun drugs. Energy sex ones. feel free and confident. Ummm go to the gym. Ppl that use these usually end up at the gym when they quit. Another good addictive thing. U look good feel good it takes time thou even if u use supplements. Peptides, prohormones whatever, still takes time. More time u put in and pain u can take which I guess is high the beter ur results. Idk a thought

Get counselling and see a doctor

You've experienced an awakening. Many people don't experience this while living on the fast track. Now that you realize your life isn't ideal, it's time to change it. The next obstacle is going to be more difficult. You must ask for help. There are counselors out there that are great at helping people get through addiction.

Basically, you were in Hell, finally realized it, and now you're clawing your way back to Earth. If you're a believer of Hell or not, one thing will always ring true, this is going to be a road laden with hard work. People are willing to help you work. You just need to ask. Google counselors and you'll see what I mean.

Ragequit life, dear, unless you are dedicated to change. True change comes in 3 steps. First you must have the absolute desire to change. If you question if you truly have the desire, you do not have it. Second comes the change INSIDE. You must take matters into your own hands and change your own beliefs and behaviours. It's not easy to explain how to do. You just, must. The second change comes from within yourself, your mind, your soul. The third step for change is the change OUTSIDE. Once you have harmonized your inner-self, change can begin on the outside. This is the easiest step. Once you change on the inside, the changes that must be made on the outside reveal themselves. Once you make the changes on the outside, you will have True Change. That is when your new life begins. You can take it in any direction you wish. You can not change in any other order. If you attempt to change the outside before you change the inside, your inner tendencies, wants, ideals, values, and all other things will bring you right back and True Change will not happen.

Try not to dwell on the negative things that happened in the past and don't allow them to define you. It's over now and it doesn't mean it has to be a part of you forever. Don't carry that shit around with you. The weight of the negative shit prevents you from living a happy life. You have to find a way to accept your past and let it go, because it's not happening anymore, and you have the opportunity to be the person you want to be every single day. You just have to allow yourself to make that choice. Don't think about the shitty things that happened in the past over and over again because you're just dragging that shit out and muddling up the life you are living now. There's no point in staying angry at shit that isn't happening to you anymore, it's just poisonous to live that way, and you have to be stronger than those shitty thoughts. Sooner or later you have to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes like this growing up, so don't be so hard on yourself. Everything you are feeling is caused by your own mind, all the thoughts you allow yourself to think seep in and change how you are feeling in that moment, so if you catch yourself remembering something negative, acknowledge that and let it pass, don't dedicate any time towards it because it will drag you down into a dark place. Those negative thoughts don't deserve your attention so make a conscious decision to ignore it. Instead, find a hobby that makes you feel good, something you enjoy accomplishing, and put all of your energy into that instead. Drugs and drinking are an escape and its okay to do when you're out partying and having a good time, but if you feel scared and worried about your future you have to listen to that inner voice and listen to what your mind/body is telling you. Don't get fucked up everyday, don't do it alone all the time, go have fun when you're out with good people, and learn to say no to the wrong crowd, sometimes its better to stay in and not go out than it is to go out and get out of hand and hate yourself later. Learning when it's okay to have a crazy night or not comes with time so don't give yourself such a hard time about messing up...the fact that you're concerned is a good thing and you should definitely listen to that instinct. Shit is pretty confusing at 19, it gets better, 25 is a different roller coaster but this is the time to learn from your mistakes and figure it all out, so don't stress so much, but do stay healthy <3

It's not too late for you to change. You should start hanging out with different people, people who don't do drugs and have goals, sooner or later you'll have goals too, once you do, you work hard to leave your crappy parents and that old lifestyle of yours. It's all about how hard you wanna change.

You just need to change your life. Decide how you want it to be, and work toward that goal. You don't have to flip it all around at once, work on it in stages. Anything you want to do is possible, and whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right.