I'm in love with my married best friend.

Hi, your feelings are normal, but you are clearly having an "emotional affair" with him. The fact that he HASN'T LEFT, shows he may NEVER LEAVE.
I know it hurts, because you love him but you have to distance yourself and prepare for the worse because your heart is already shattering into a million pieces.
(Hugs)
Amber

Instances like this never go away, from the the young highschool kid whos in love with his best friend who's going out with a jerk, to situations like yours. Do not let him know how you feel if he's still in his marraige unless you can't hold it any longer.
This is normal but also so tragic.

I'm going through the same thing. I'm in love with my married friend. I'm married myself to a wonderful man and we have 2 kids. My friend, Nick also has 2 kids. We all get together almost every weekend. I started having romantic feelings for Nick just this summer. We've all known each other for 7 years. We flirt with each other alot. Nick makes me feel desired. Whereas my husband would push me away whenever I get close to him. He's just not that into being touchy feely. I guess i just want someone to want me for a change. I have fantasies of Nick all the time. We are all renting a cabin together next summer for 2 weeks. I'm afraid of what might happen if were alone together. I want him. Just the thought makes my heart flutter. Whenever I get a text from him it makes me feel like he's thinking about me. I wonder if he has the same feelings about me as I have towards him. I think he does. I know he loves his kids, as do I. He seems like he's struggling with his marriage. His wife hates having sex. She doesn't give him the attention he deserves. Sounds like we just need each other physically but I'm not sure that it's just about lust. There is an emotional part to it too. I think we make each other's self esteem better. It's not like our own spouses are doing a good job. I've tried to talk to my husband about him making me feel desirable. He would do it for a while then it would go back to normal again. I don't want to hurt my family but I feel like I'm living a lie. How much longer can I continue like this. It's getting harder and harder to see him but I don't want to risk everything and having my heart break.

I'm amazed you are using this website at age 60. You make me smile :)

Normal, but not good. Go on a date or 10.

HA! You have emotions....

I think telling him how you feel will only make the issue worse. You very clearly understand his situation and his opinion on the situation. If you tell him how you feel, that you want to be more than friends, all he will do is feel guilt at visiting you, he will begin to pull away and you will probably not be the same.

You know that he is going to stay with his wife regardless of what happens or how much you want him. He is giving you all he can offer right now. Either choose to accept the relationship as it is, or choose to walk away from it.

If you are as good a friend to him as he is to you, you will not complicate his life by sharing your secret. Chances are he already knows anyway. Sometimes telling the truth is a selfish thing and not the right thing to do.

I would suggest that you tell him how you feel, but even if he does end his relationship with his wife that you don't jump into a relationship with him. He needs time to learn and to think about what has lead him to where he is. When I broke up with my son's mother I didn't date for a year (we were together 7 years since we were both 17). I took the time to learn all that I had done wrong. Humans like to place all the blame on the other party in conflict or heartbreak but the biggest favor you can do for yourself is to be honest with yourself. You cannot control what happens to you, only the way you react to it. If he does this and after he's had time to process it all you both want to be together still go for it. In the mean time keep your friendship healthy and be there for him. Any ways I wish you both the best.

You cant help who you fall in love with.

I have to disagree with everyone else. I know how you feel, you want that man. You don't want to distance yourself and feel that grinding emptiness. He sounds like a good man and even if it damages your friendship with him you have to tell him. You just need to think of what to say and arrange the time and place. I also think it's rude that people are calling you old and talking about what little time you have left and this life is short crap, life isn't short, life is long.Life is really goddamn long and spending it alone is even longer. I wish you the best with this.

Wait you mean you are going to waste the precious years you have left pining for a man who will most likely not live his wife within your life-time? You are definitely putting too low a value on yourself. Life is short and you most certainly don't have a lot of decades left to make and recover from mistakes like this, you need to find happiness - your happiness (or find it again) before you die and you are not going to find it pining for this man.

I agree with Amber, you need to distance yourself from this man. It hurts now, but if you wait it will hurt even more and on top of that as time passes and you will begin to have increasingly painful regrets as he continues to remain with his wife about what else you might have had or done if you had not stuck around waiting for this man.

Step away, leave this situation. Look for another man.

i fell bad for you

Does he know you feel this way? Because the only way you're going to feel any better about this is by letting him know everything you're feeling, regardless of whether it's right or wrong. It seems kind of odd that the two of you are so close, when he's married to another woman.

Next time you see him, sit him down and tell him everything you're feeling. Just make sure the two of you are alone, and nothing is going to interupt you. It's the only way you're going to know if there is a future between the two of you. And if his marriage is a nightmare, maybe knowing you feel this way about him will encourage him to divorce what is already an unhappy relationship, for something more rewarding, and with someone he's already so close to.

Only you will know what feels right. So, only you will know what to do after you've told him how you feel. Just be prepared to walk away from him forever if you can't have him. Going on like this, hurting yourself every time you see him, is no way to live your life.