I'm hypersexual and we don't have sex

13% Normal
9 Comments

At the beginning of our relationship we had endless sex. We both sent sext after sext. I dressed up for him a million times a week. A few months after we got together, he hurt his back at work and the sex declined. Fast forward to present day, we're married now, and he still has back issues but only once a month does he seem to have a flair up. We hardly have sex at all now. He says he's nervous and that he doesn't want to mess up but that he's still attracted to me and wants to see a doctor about getting on some testosterone to see if it would help get his "mojo" back. I feel like it's me, I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. I've thought about pollyamory but it's really not for us. I get jealous and he does too, it would end our marriage. I'm bisexual and he knows that. We've joked about having a threesome with a girl (no girl in particular) but obviously that hasn't happened. I just don't know what to do. I constantly feel like shit about myself and he knows this. Any advances I bring towards him are turned away or ignored. He says "let me come to you" but he never does... Also, he watches porn like all the time, which makes no sense to me if your libido is non-exsistent. He says he hasn't in a while (however long that means) I don't really believe him to be honest. The porn thing just makes all of this 10 times worse.

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13% Normal
Based on 8 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • FubarMcGinty
    5 years ago

    Sounds to me like he has a porn addiction. It's not your fault and he probably does find you attractive but his mind has been trained to get aroused by porn instead of real interactions. Speak to him about it and suggest watching porn together and let him pick it then use that to your advantage. Alternatively you could seek help from a psychologist. Good luck

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I have, he's even suggested it. That was several, several months ago. When I tried bringing it up we started fighting about it. Thanks for your advice

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  • Alichael
    5 years ago

    Being hypersexual and not having sex is like being extremely starving and not eating.

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  • HypnoDom
    5 years ago

    It could be physical. It could be performance anxiety. It could be some emotional/communication issue in your marriage. It could be that there's some specific kink he's really into now and is afraid you aren't--seeing what porn he watches should tell you that.

    It may be worth him going to a doctor. Not to ask for testosterone, but to get a more clinical perspective on what's happening and see what recommendations the doctor makes, if any.

    Marriage counseling may also be helpful.

    Communication is everything. Make sure to stress to him that you don't expect the moon and stars from him, just that you'd like to try doing something sexual together, anything. Perhaps he'd be more open to something simple, even just a quick blowjob, or him fondling you for a few minutes, or spanking you, or doing whatever you're into. Just something simple that he won't get nervous about.

    Have you learned his fantasies and turn ons? Would he enjoy you making out with another girl in front of him, or dancing for him, or dressing sexy at home for him even if you don't do anything together?

    It's perfectly understandable that you don't feel great. One, as you say, you're hypersexual and not getting any. But more than that it's understandable you'd feel self conscious and would worry that he's not into you anymore. It sounds like a pretty sudden and drastic shift in your sex life, so it's natural to feel that way. That doesn't necessarily mean that's right... just that it's reasonable to have those feelings.

    Again, it's all about communication. Hope you can work it out!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      He likes to watch hentai and girl on girl, which I have no issue with either. I'm bisexual and I've also previously dressed up as a "neko girl" aka kitten play. I've done that, I've offered blowjobs, handjobs for nothing in return for myself. I've also brought up that if he does want to please me, then he could simply just finger me or give me oral or whatever, he agrees, but never does anything. I'm honestly at a loss. In the beginning, like I said, our sex life was very fulfilling and frequent. I dressed up for him all the time in various costumes and characters. He doesn't even respond to that anymore. He just tells me I'm not and that's it...

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      • HypnoDom
        5 years ago

        He has no interest in anything sexual anymore? Or he enjoys you pleasuring him but refuses to pleasure you?

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        • Gratefull88
          5 years ago

          No interest in anything.
          I'll attempt to tease him and he just makes up some excuse or acts uncomfortable.

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  • Primebeef17
    5 years ago

    He is addicted to porn. Get rid of the porn and he will fuck you. Shame on him! Porn should only be used to supplement your sex life. If ppl are using porn instead of the real thing then they are assholes and addicted! He should be having sex with u especially if u are coming on to him! The only way i can get my wife to come on to me is if i dont try to fuck her for like a month. We have sex about 2 times a week but if i dont initiate it then its like once a month at best

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  • Nickvey
    5 years ago

    you accepted what you have at every turn. sound like to me you are ready to break out.

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