I'm engaged but i love someone else! how to get out of this mess!

20 Comments

I've been going through hell recently. There is this guy that I've known for 3 years now, we were good friends. A year and half ago I told him I had feelings for him but he turned me down. I tried to cut contact and get away from this, but he wouldn't have it. He said I either want to hate him or forget him. So, we kept in touch. Whenever I tried to vanish, he would just talk to me again, sometimes he used to flirt too.. Which sometimes made me hope. Anyhow, I was introduced to another guy last March and we've been dating. Honestly, I didn't feel so strongly about him esp, with the other one in the back of my mind, but I really wanted to give it a try. Yet, I did the terrible mistake of continuing talking to the first one while having this new relationship. We got engaged last month. Since then I stopped talking to the 1st guy, but very recently he updated his relationship status on FB to "in a relationship" and since then I feel terrible! I can't think of anything but him! I feel paralyzed. Am scared shitless that it's serious since all his friends are liking and commenting. He's a player and caused me a lot of pain, but I can't help feeling this way. I feel guilty about the other one. But I don't love him yet. Am back to square zero and I don't know what to do :(

Break off your engagement. 18
Block the first guy but give the new relationship a chance. 15
Leave both and take time for yourself. 56
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Comments ( 20 )
  • (s)aint
    10 years ago | pl

    Just ... No.

    You shouldn't had started something new with this old guy at the back of your mind!

    But now you have so, ditch them both and take time for yourself and then maybe you can find someone proper.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      It's been almost two years since the first one broke my heart! :( and I haven't been seeing anyone since then. I don't wanna remain paralyzed for the rest of my life by this guy but I have no idea how to get him off my mind

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      • (s)aint
        10 years ago

        Well, first of all: Stop checking in on his life through social medias and the likes. Try to not think about him and basically do your very best to remove him as much as you can.
        Myself i'm a firm believer of the fact that once you care for someone, this person can never go back to mean absolutely nothing to you.
        But he shouldn't effect you this strong because as you say it paralyzes you completely.

        And if you had truly cared for the one that you are engaged with your feelings for him would have helped you get over this other guy as well.

        You could also try to think of everything that's bad about this other guy and just think about it over and over again. When i came to my senses and dumped my ex i had to shut him out completely and torment myself with everything that was bad about him, rather than lingering onto the memories of what we had.

        Four months has passed, i'm madly in love with someone else and i don't regret a shit xD

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    • robbieforgotpw
      10 years ago

      OP should start being very gassy like me?

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      • (s)aint
        10 years ago

        I'm very gassy and my BF adores it xD

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  • noid
    10 years ago

    If you didn't love him why'd you get engaged?? Get unengaged ASAP.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      It's more of dating really. In my culture engagement is just like dating esp if the whole thing is arranged. I thought I would be happy and would be able to forget all about the first guy and things will just be okay. But it's not really working :/

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  • DolphinAngel
    10 years ago

    Seems like we have a two-timing bitch here!

    Ok that was rude, I admit it... I still don't understand why you got engaged with some other guy whilst you still had feelings for another...

    But being myself fucking selfish I'd recommend to you to listen to your heart and find out what/ which one of them will make you happy the most...

    However, don't be too careless with anyone of them...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      It's not really about selfishness :( Guess I was wrong :( but you see, I have been trying to get over the first guy for almost two years now..and it's not working! We're not even together. He is just acting like we're friends and keep coming and going :@
      I thought I deserve a chance with someone else. I thought it will be nice and that I will be happy with someone else. But it's not working either.

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      • DolphinAngel
        10 years ago

        Sorry this is not really at you...

        WHY THE HELL DO I GET NOTIFICATIONS FROM IIN OF ANSWERS THAT WERE POSTED MORE THAN 2 WEEKS AGO?

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  • Sog
    10 years ago

    It doesn't sound like you're mature enough to handle any serious relationship yet, let alone getting engaged.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Lol! well Honestly yeah I'm a bit inexperienced when it comes to love and a way too romantic, head in clouds, but am in my late 20s actually ;(

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  • disthing
    10 years ago

    Didn't read the text, but I read the title, and on that basis alone I would say...

    Break off the engagement, don't be dishonest.

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  • StarTeddy
    10 years ago

    If you don't truly love the person you're with then you shouldn't be engaged to him. I don't personally think having feelings for the other guy is a horrible deal-breaker, but you don't actually seem to love the guy you're engaged with and that could be one, more than anything else.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      We're still getting to know each other..we haven't done much together yet..

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    10 years ago

    Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate them all. For those who asked why I got engaged when am not in love, guess there's a bit of clarification here. In my culture, engagement is like dating, esp. if the whole thing is arranged. If we were to be married, it's not gonna happen before at least one year. So this is like a period to get to know each other more. I don't fall in love from first sight like they say, but it freaks me out cause my fiancee is moving too fast with the whole thing while am not and now am at square 1.

    Anyhow, I admit I made mistakes here :( I have been trying to get over the first guy for too long..more than a year now!! The whole thing is not working..so I thought it was time to just move on and meet someone new. But I still think about him, esp with that fb thingy, it just melted all my efforts..Maybe I was wrong to date someone at this stage..I wish I can just stop comparing them, or thinking, and just be happy, but it seems like self-deception to me, and I don't know if I gave it more time, would things get better with my engagement or it's just hopeless :/

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  • Kerry69
    10 years ago

    You sort of want both.End the engagement.

    Good luck in the future :)

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  • Gallieon
    10 years ago

    You...... Are sooooooooo gonna regret getting married. its not even gonna be funny.

    There's a basic maths to it... If you find a guy that can't make you effortlessly forget about the previous one, then it really doesn't mean ****.

    Never settle for less or you'll never be satisfied/happy or how ever that saying goes

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Yeah! I was just thinking same thing :( I really wanna be happy and in love..but I don't know if it's am not happy about my fiancee or that I am just gonna be dissatisfied with everyone I meet cause of this old love! It's really too difficult..When I started this new relationship, I just hoped I will forget all about the old one and be happy, but truth is am not :( I don't wanna string along my fiancee either..he did nothing to deserve this

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  • Caffine
    10 years ago

    Its your mistake to get engaged even while having the feelings towards your ex, if its really true let it be like climax of Spiderman 1 All the best

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