I'm always loathed for being a loner

33% Normal
6 Comments

I've always been a reserved and independent person. I've always preferred to live alone ever since my college days. When I'm not working, I like to take long walks alone, I like to do shopping alone, dine out alone, be home alone. I'm your quintessential loner.

For a long time I thought that living this way, shouldn't be such a big deal. You know, mind your business, and everyone else minds their own.

But as I'm writing this I've, noticed the resurgence of a sticky situation I have previously found myself in, twice, in two different area codes.

The sticky situation: I'm ridiculed, mocked, called names, gossiped about, loathed to a point where I'm left wondering.. What did I do wrong? What crime did I commit? Who did I insult? Why is it me being picked on? What happened to the right of privacy?

It should be noted that I've never been a fun of stopping for small talk, the best i can manage is your innocuous "Hi.", and other times, a simple wave, and that's it. I don't go out of my way to talk to people I barely know just for the sake of appearing 'friendly'.

From my observation, it always starts with gossip from a few individuals. Then people start giving me these wierd looks, you know, the 'So you're the one.' kind. Next, the groups and frequency of gossip grows. Then it's the shaming behavior or remarks which as an observant person whose sensitivity is usually on the alert, I can easily detect.

What these people don't seem to realize is that none of the stuff they do is qualified, because to be fair, I'm simply living my life the way I sincerely feel it... I'm not hurting anyone. I'm living the way I feel comfortable for me. And what's more, I feel it's beneath me to start explaining to them such things to begin with.

Sorry to drone on, but my sincere question to you guys is, do you see anything I could be doing wrong in all this? Is this even normal, or I'm somewhat mentally ill?

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 6 votes (2 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 6 )
  • GuvnorsOtherWoman
    2 years ago

    You mention that it is beneath you to try and explain your lifestyle choice.

    Good for you, friend! You shouldn't have to explain, defend yourself or justify yourself to anyone.

    I am a loner and introvert (I have Asperger's) and let's be honest, a misanthrope. And I don't care. If you can't or won't accept this then you are not worthy of my time or respect.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    2 years ago

    I live like that too. I don't have friends or family, nobody to talk to or hang out with. I'm not as bold as you though, before covid I would do most of my shopping at night. I feel so claustrophobic with all those people around

    I've met a lot of people like you describe. I tend to psychoanalyze people and these people typically just can't see beyond themselves or their world. They don't understand why it's wrong to ridicule, the effect it can have on the other person, how following through with those thoughts is a slippery slope. All they really see is how they and maybe others can all enjoy a laugh.

    By definition, 50% of the population will always have an IQ below 100, 100 always being the average. IQ shows us how well we use the information, or intelligence, that we have. So if half the population has double digit IQs it actually makes sense to me why these people exist, they're just the physical manifestation of points on a bell curve.

    In spirituality it's said the only reason things can be good is because there are bad things to reference. I believe I'm smart, morally developed, other things, but the only reason I can truly believe that is because of all my experience with shitty people. I understand how good I am because people have shown me what bad is.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • KholatKhult
      2 years ago

      The whole “IQ” thing in your comment comes across as very backhanded. Defining people’s worthiness of your time, or social energy, based on IQ is a shitty way to treat people. There are plenty of “low IQ” people who are 5x the community member than any “genius IQ” person could ever be.

      Intelligence comes in many many forms, I absolutely hate the concept of IQ because it makes too many people think they’re something special. I’ve had my IQ professionally, in person, tested many many times as I was very analyzed as a kid/teen/young adult due to having a lot of trouble grasping some educational concepts. I’ve scored in the high 130’s low 140’s my entire life. Didn’t matter for shit though, still flunked school.

      Deciding whether someone’s opinion matters or not based on their IQ is pointless and unproductive.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        2 years ago

        I didn't say people with low IQ or intelligence are likely to become assholes or some variant thereof

        I basically said I've noticed a large trend of assholes or variants thereof who have shown me, an analytical psychology enthusiast, that they have low IQ or intelligence

        I'm defining an asshole as someone who acts out their emotions selfishly, who takes advantage of others and situations. You didn't ask, but pieces of shit are people who enjoy it.

        It's called a complex when there are several things going on mentally with a person. I pay attention to behavior when I interact with people, and a lot of times I notice trends and correlations between what people do and my assessments on their psyches.

        You're right to say IQ and intelligence aren't true enough factors to seriously consider, I say this often as well. There are plenty of psycho/socio paths who are insanely intelligent. But it is a symptom of something and maybe you find out they grew up poor or maybe they show you they're emotional vampires.

        I see and already stand with you on your point. I don't think I'm better than anyone, but I do like my mind and find it useful. I don't want certain negativity in my life and filter people accordingly. Maybe this is more me, but there are times when I'm dealing with assholes or pieces of shit that I can mock their "developmentally delayed minds" and feel vindicated by it, and I do understand that's a coping mechanism. I also understand what it's like to watch someone speak from an ivory tower. IQ and intelligence are certainly not starting points for me.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • KholatKhult
    2 years ago

    I’m going to be entirely honest and this sounds rough but it’s true, I don’t think anyone cares.

    A lot of loners have this “I’m different”, “I’m mysterious”, “People think I’m weird” type belief, and as someone who has always been a very extroverted person and spends a lot of time and energy on socializing - we don’t care.

    I’ve met so many people who have this “I’m bullied” idea in their head and literally no one is even thinking about them. Nobody cares. A lot of the time, “loners” are just plain rude as well. People may be uneasy working with you or talking to you because you’re just flat out rude or awkward and you make the vibe uncomfortable. I promise faking a little kindness won’t kill you, but acting like being “friendly” is beneath you or not even worth your time just makes you seem like an ass.

    Not to be a dude-bro, but when I come out with my Golden Retriever personality and someone acts like they’re the Joker or something with some overinflated ego, thinking they’re different and that nobody can understand them with some “Society, ugh” mentality - it’s cringe. People can see straight through that. It’s such a highschool thought process

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      "I’m going to be entirely honest and this sounds rough but it’s true, I don’t think anyone cares."

      Thank you for lending yourself to honesty. But I still think unoccupied people care.. care a great deal.

      "A lot of loners have this “I’m different”, “I’m mysterious”, “People think I’m weird” type belief, and as someone who has always been a very extroverted person and spends a lot of time and energy on socializing - we don’t care."

      What does it mean to be different?

      According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, ": partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality : DISSIMILAR".

      What does it mean to be a loner? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, again,

      ": a person who is often alone or likes to be alone"

      : someone who usually avoids the company of others"

      Meaning, you don't care loners are often alone or like to be alone, or usually avoid company.

      "I’ve met so many people who have this “I’m bullied” idea in their head and literally no one is even thinking about them. Nobody cares."

      Did you bother to find out if they were indeed, loners? I bet not, because you seem to have this "Nobody cares" idea in your head. The truth is, being a sensitive person, I care about people who naturally wanted to fit in a 'SIMILAR' societal setting but were physically, or verbally, or emotionally abused and consequently left feeling otracized because nobody seemed to care that they wanted to be let in, but the manifestations of consequences of their abuse only meant that they're nothing but wannabe weirdos. It should be noted that these people are infact, involuntary loners!

      "A lot of the time, “loners” are just plain rude as well. People may be uneasy working with you or talking to you because you’re just flat out rude or awkward and you make the vibe uncomfortable."

      Contrary, I would say, voluntary loners are just plain honest. Most 'SIMILAR' people are uneasy working with us because we're honest with ourselves, and that's what makes them uncomfortable. Yet, interestingly, these are the same people you claim "...don't care." And it even leaves the word 'CARE' in your context very questionable.. if not flat out rude.

      "I promise faking a little kindness won’t kill you, but acting like being “friendly” is beneath you or not even worth your time just makes you seem like an ass."

      I'm no veteran politician, so faking kindness has never come easy for me. If I can avoid faking it, well and good, at least I'll have fodder for reflection when I'm alone. If i have the means and energy to go out and contribute to my role in a given project that benefits the economy, why would I refuse to report to work and submit my project review to my seniors?

      "Not to be a dude-bro, but when I come out with my Golden Retriever personality and someone acts like they’re the Joker or something with some overinflated ego, thinking they’re different and that nobody can understand them with some “Society, ugh” mentality - it’s cringe. People can see straight through that. It’s such a highschool thought process"

      Understand, loners don't want to be part of all that drama, we just want to be alone whenever we can and not be demonized for that fact. Because we don't want to fit in, we are complete alone.. and that's what most people don't get!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0