I'm a virgin and never been aroused?

60% Normal

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I've never been aroused before. I don't know what it feels like and I don't know how to get turned on. I'm getting married in two months and am starting to get worried about the wedding night. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? Am I asexual or something, or should I be worried?
Edit: FYI I'm a woman and I have discussed this with my fiance (he's a virgin too).

Voting Results

60% Normal

Based on 53 votes (32 yes)

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Comments ( 57 )

Wellyoudliketoknoweh

4 years ago

Nah asexuality is nothing to be worried about
Tell your partner about it, if it’s no problem it’s the right one

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- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  Really? You think OP is asexual? If she is really asexual and still managed to get this far in a relationship she it the most gullible person ever in the universe. Why would she want a relationship anyways?
  
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  - Wellyoudliketoknoweh
    
    4 years ago
    
    Asexually doesn’t mean aromatic. U can love and you have a need for relationships as have others. U just don’t need sex in ur life then
    It’s very simple
    Also she can try it out after talking about it with her Parteien and they can try dealing with it together
    
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    - Doesnormalmatter
      
      4 years ago
      
      If your asexual then why have a relationship with a man? If gender matters to OP than she's not asexual. I haven't ever met someone I believe to be legit asexual, I suspect it may just be another buzzword for people to call themselves if they have a low sex drive.
      
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      - Wellyoudliketoknoweh
        
        4 years ago
        
        Ok listen. Asexuality is no desire for sex alright. U fall in love like a normal person, doesn’t matter if man or woman. And when u can’t do some things in certain areas, discuss it with the person and you’ll find a solution
        In my whole life I have met one person I believe is and she was swooning over some dudes too. But rather than asexual she had a disgust at sex and such. Out of her own reasons mind u
        U can’t pick the people u fall in love with. If u like them u like them and then u have to decide what to do with that feeling. And if she chooses to be with him even with those feelings, I find that brave and I hope her partner is as brave as her
        
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        Doesnormalmatter
        
        4 years ago
        
        That made 0.0 sense. Asexuality is supposed to mean that but that's not entirely the case. Everyone I have known who claims asexual has masturbated before, had sex before orgasmed before and even had long term relationships! People don't take definitions of shit literally. Just say you have a low sex drive and move on!
        
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escapefromreality

4 years ago

You could be asexual

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bigbudchonga

4 years ago

It's odd, but I really wouldn't worry about it too much. You're a woman, so you can still conceive and have sex even if you can't "get it up".

Also, when you start having sex, you might find something that stimulates you.

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Doesnormalmatter

4 years ago

You sure you know what arousal feels like? Assuming you do, the fact that you agreed to marry someone who NEVER made you aroused at all was a MASSIVE mistake and one you will surely regret really bad. I hope this is a troll because you will be seriously fucking screwed!

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- hsara3141
  
  4 years ago
  
  No, that's my point... I *don't* know what arousal feels like.
  
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  - Doesnormalmatter
    
    4 years ago
    
    If you don't know what it feels like than you may have been aroused but not known what it was. Either way you seriously should NOT get married. Please, please don't you will 100% regret it.
    
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    - Wellyoudliketoknoweh
      
      4 years ago
      
      Sex it not everything for a lot of people...
      
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      - Doesnormalmatter
        
        4 years ago
        
        I know!!!! But do you seriously think her husband won't care that she never wants sex? Especially in a situation like this where sex before marriage is avoided, her bf is very likely looking forward to plowing OP's vag hard and often.
        
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        Wellyoudliketoknoweh
        
        4 years ago
        
        People don’t think and feel alike. Seriously it’s not all about sex
        Haa dude let em deal with it on their own, she also didn’t write that she won’t do it and if she can’t get aroused it’s not her fault
        
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Boojum

4 years ago

Have a look at this and seriously consider buying it:

https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=come+as+you+are&qid=1568060586&s=gateway&sr=8-1

It covers all aspects of female sexuality, including women who really have no idea what it means when people talk about being aroused.

Others have said you should seriously consider whether you really should get married. If your fiancé is interested in sex and he expects to have sex with you once you get married, I'd agree with that. Putting two people together who are completely ignorant about sex - the woman being someone who has no idea of what she needs to become sexually aroused - and expecting them to have an even halfway enjoyable sexual life is pretty stupid. That's how the majority of marriages used to be a hundred years or so ago, but the vast majority of women found sex to be an unpleasant duty at best, and the men didn't enjoy it half as much as they might have.

I'm not suggesting that only people who have screwed at least two dozen people can possibly enjoy sex. There's loads of decent sex education information on the internet (as well as a vast amount of crap, unfortunately), so it is at least possible for you and your husband-to-be to understand the mechanics, at least some of the psychological aspects of female arousal and some of the factors that lead to a couple having a sexual relationship they both enjoy.

Going into this thinking that it's all natural and you'll figure it out by trial and error would be a stupid approach. You might work it out in the end, but there's no logical reason to add sexual dissatisfaction to all the other stresses and adjustments you'll have to deal with at the start of your married life.

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[Old Memory]

4 years ago

Also, why are you getting married if you don’t feel sexual desire?

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- momwatcher69
  
  4 years ago
  
  A
  WOMAN wrote the post.... jeez
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    4 years ago
    
    Oh now it makes sense. She’s a gold digger.
    
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- Ellenna
  
  4 years ago
  
  Good question, I'm wondering the same thing
  
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- Pikana
  
  4 years ago
  
  She's asexual but not aromantic from the sounds of it.
  
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- Vantablack
  
  4 years ago
  
  Love.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    4 years ago
    
    What is that?
    
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    - Vantablack
      
      4 years ago
      
      Just making sure.
      
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[Old Memory]

4 years ago

You should donate some egg cells to ensure that your reproductive abilities don’t go to waste.

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- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  Yikes!
  
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- LloydAsher
  
  4 years ago
  
  Good idea
  
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- momwatcher69
  
  4 years ago
  
  FREAK.....really ?!
  
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Walker638

4 years ago

This may sound crazy but my first wife was a virgin and after we got married and had sex she began having sex with every man that looked at her ! She worked a big firm and every man in the firm had sex with her she was totally crazy for sex , it was no way i could satisfy her she dumped me and divorced me because i cound"nt perform to her sexual needs.. took me 10 yrs to get over my broken heart and remarry!

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Zowie

4 years ago

Sex is a weak animalistic drive. Evidently you are a higher order. Blessings upon you. Few have risen to your level. After fasting for 40 days I evolved spiritually. Fathered 3 Children but hated sex. ALWAYS felt lower and dirty afterwards. Blessings be upon you.

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bbrown95

4 years ago

I'm 24 and the exact same way, minus the getting married part. I'm a virgin and have never experienced getting turned on or sexual arousal. I'm thinking my birth control (that I take for health reasons and would be in a lot of pain without) may be a contributing factor, as I've been on it since I hit puberty.

I'm assuming since you're getting married, you've felt attraction before? I still feel attraction and don't feel completely asexual.

Are you by any chance on any form of medication where a side effect may be a loss of libido?

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Retsama

4 years ago

Don't be worried about being virgin. It's not important for being a great person.
There are a lot of things that are more important in life.

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Retsama

4 years ago

Some Christian people don't have sex until wedding.

( Muslim people either. )

I'm a true Christian because I love Jesus so much but when I'll meet my girlfriend, I'd like to have sex with her before wedding.

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Iszzy123

4 years ago

Welp....fake it till you make it

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Jimbo24

4 years ago

The "never been aroused" part is normal. Many females don't feel much sexual excitement. And I get that sex and romance are different things. So you could still want a relationship despite not wanting to get down and dirty. But you have to come clean with your fiancé. And also know that you're gonna have to put out as part of the relationship. If you're okay with that, and if he's okay with boning a woman who doesn't desire him all that much (I would be), then you're both good to go. Just be upfront about the deal each of you is signing into.

Re: the wedding night. Nothing to get worried about. You just lay there and let him do his thing. I'm sure he'll be so excited he'll be done with you in a couple of minutes.

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- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  Lol that last part. Also are your serious you would fuck a girl who didn't like it?
  
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  - Pikana
    
    4 years ago
    
    There are asexual people who aren't uncomfortable with sex and have it with their partner just because their partner enjoys it.
    
    Think of it like being indifferent about fishing, but you go fish with your partner anyway because they enjoy it. You don't hate fishing but you have absolutely zero urge to do it.
    
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  - Jimbo24
    
    4 years ago
    
    If it's active dislike or hatred on her part, probably not. (Probably, not definitely.) But in her case, it sounds more like indifference to sex than anything else. And yeah, I'd have no problem screwing a girl who's like "meh, whatever" about it. After all, I'm the active one, I'm the one doing the screwing, so she doesn't necessarily have to "fuck me back" in order for it to work.
    
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    - Doesnormalmatter
      
      4 years ago
      
      But doesn't her responding positively make it way better at least? I mean if your horny and like being super dominant I get that you would still bang her. But if it's me that would take out 75% of the fun!
      
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- Boojum
  
  4 years ago
  
  "Re: the wedding night. Nothing to get worried about. You just lay there and let him do his thing."
  
  The OP says she's already worried about having sex with her husband. If she's anxious and not aroused on her wedding night, there's a good chance there'll be no or very little natural vaginal lubrication. Some women find that penetrative sex the first time isn't that uncomfortable and some find it enjoyable. But if a woman has a large amount of hymenal tissue and it's never been stretched or torn by exercise or penetration by an object of some sort, that combined with a relatively dry vagina can make the experience unpleasant. If the guy is clueless and impatient, that can make everything a lot worse.
  
  A terrible first experience of sex can create all sorts of long-lasting issues.
  
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dimwitted

4 years ago

Try oral. That usually arouses a woman. I don't know if you can do it before marriage but if you can give it a whirl (literally).

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Are You Normal?

I'm a virgin and never been aroused?