I'm a guy and i have feelings for my straight male best friend. iin?

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I’m bi but in the closet about it. I’ve had a friend who I’ve thought was hot for a long time. He’s kind of like me. Neither one of us really trusts anyone (neither of us have any close friends we can be truly honest with), and we both think the homophobia that surrounds male friendships is stupid (although we both fake it since neither of us feels like being called gay. If you’re a guy you know how groups of straight guys are). I kind of look up to him. He’s extremely hot, outgoing, could get anyone he wanted if he’d get some self-confidence, all of the things I lack.
I’ve always thought he was kind of hot and I’ve always cared about him (in a protective sense), but until recently he was never in my thoughts all the time. The other day, he came over. We talked about sex, masturbation, and homosexuals. He always acts like a homophobe when with a group of people but when we were talking in he seemed to be cool with gay people. He even said he would stay friends if one of his friends came out of the closet. At one point, we were even talking about how stupid the penis size stigma is, at which point he told me his size. In reality it really turned me on but I pretended to be disturbed by it. Never before have I heard of a straight guy sharing that with another guy along with their masturbation habits, so I kind of wonder if he’s bi-curious at least.
Ever since he left I’ve had this longing for him I can’t explain. I miss him and want to spend more time with him. After talking I feel I can trust him. I’ve even thought about coming out to him. It’s weird, but I don’t think it’s just sexual. I’ve done guys before and I’ve jerked off to thinking about him before, but he never lingered in the back of my head. I’ve been attracted to other guys before, but it was just sex and jerking off. Those thoughts came and went. This feeling I have just lingers. It doesn’t even seem sexual in nature (those are different). The problem is, I don’t know if this feeling is love or what it feels like to have a close friend since I’ve never had one before. I could never talk to my friends about this stuff before.
I feel like I should be more honest with him, although I’m not really sure what I should do. I value my friendship with him more than anything else in this world. I would do anything for him. My biggest fear is that if I say anything to him it’ll kill our friendship. I don’t know what I would do if I lost him…
The other problem is, I’m not sure if it’s mutual. He has several dozen friends, none of them close. I know for sure he doesn’t really get close to anyone, because when I invited him over next Friday (he was over last Friday), he said “We’re not doing this every week! It pisses me off when friends get mad because I don’t go over to their houses!”. I wanted to tell him I completely understood, but I didn’t say anything since he sounded pissed. If I tell him how I feel, he’ll either be cool with it or he’ll get really pissed off. What should I do?

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Based on 126 votes (114 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Helpmeout25
    12 years ago

    I enjoy talking about masturbation habits with my friends. Don't read too much into that. I've had several close friends and we all did it.

    Dude, if he is your feiend and you care about him, next rime you guys hang out, text him after he leaves and say something like "thanks for hanging out man, you are the Best friend I have."

    See what he says. No Big deal, but at least you'll know he knows you care about him.

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  • LF4sDLX
    13 years ago

    Dint rush anything. He seems to be set in his ways or have a defense up. Just let it naturally occur. Stills drop hints & try & pick things up with him. He'll tell you what's cool with him. Hopefully he takes it the right way. Good luck

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. He certainly has his guard up most of the time, and he's extremely stubborn so that doesn't help.

      The problem is I can read him like a book most of the time. He knows how to act tough, sure, but I can see right through it. He's really insecure, and it carries over into his sexuality. He's slept around some, but never been in a serious relationship and acts like he never wants to.

      He'll never admit it, but he's pretty close with one of his friends at school. Their friendship is way more impersonal which is why I think he likes it (he seems really afraid of his own emotions). I used to take him not wanting to hang out as a personal thing against me, but he does that to everyone except his one friend.

      He suspects that I'm bi, but I haven't told him so he doesn't know for sure. I've been considering it, but with his homophobia (which seems to be an on/off thing depending on who he's with and the subject) he'd probably run the other way.

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  • KodaaLynn
    13 years ago

    You have a man crush, the fact that you are bisexual had nothing to do with it.
    This happens to girls all the time, typically straight girls, actually.
    You just feel extremely close to him because he is your best friend and you've never really had such a connection with anyone.
    If your feelings persist, try and talk to him, get his opinion, and sort this whole situation out.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I think you might be right. For now, I'm gonna let him know how I feel as a friend. If it doesn't destroy our friendship, I'll see where it goes. Like I said, sex with him would be fun but I don't really see myself as getting into a relationship with him at this point.

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  • DisgraceGod
    13 years ago

    TLDR

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