I'm 22 what should i do if my mom found out i'm sexually active?

31% Normal

I'm 22 yrs, I been in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend his 23 yr has a good job, goes to school and treats me right his a amazing boyfriend and my best friend but he has a very disfuctional family his dad is a drunk and mom was not the greatest he lives on his own place apartment.Therefore my mom disapproved of him at first because she thinks I can do better and his not convinient for me because we have a good family and nice house ect but she got over it. But 3 days ago she currently found a afterpill in my car and found out im sexually active, shes 58yrs very old fashion went crazy on me telling the worst things a mom can EVER tell a daughter im the youngest of my siblings and only one at home now so o try my best to understand where shes comming from. I been crying for the last 3 days because im hurt and shes making me break up with him i feel that this is what she needed to make me leave him.. basically making me pick between her or him and wants me to stop having sex until im married..I love them both such.. I'm confuse on what to do plus she acts weird with me now.. I have the clear concept that guys come and go and mothers always stay family first but in this case his being good to me I don't know what to do?? I'm going nuts over thinking and crying.. Should i leave him im confuse.. Advice anyone?? :(

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31% Normal

Based on 108 votes (34 yes)

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Comments ( 19 )

jezabell95

11 years ago

Your mother might be Christian or some other religion and just be trusting in Gods word because in the bible it says not to have sex before marriage and that might be why she is so upset with u having sex

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- sarah__
  
  11 years ago
  
  Yeah your right she is a christian, still wants me to leave my boyfriend. She had bad luck with her 3 marriages and doesn't want me to repeat them like her plus doesn't believe in true love she thinks every guy is always after having sex or looking for their own convience.. really sucks, hopefully time will make her stop being weird with me.. Thanks for commenting
  
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  - jezabell95
    
    11 years ago
    
    ... that's weird how can someone not believe in love?
    
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PatrickZ

11 years ago

No one can blame a 22-year old person to be sexually active, most people on that age are. The problem is that your mum is stuck in her "no sex before marriage" attitude. That is indeed an old-fashioned way of thinking since today by far most people have sex before marriage. Your mum just needs to accept that. If she doesn't want sex before marriage for herself, that's her decision. But she shouldn't force it upon you, only upon herself.

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NightmareGirl

11 years ago

If he is so amazing as you say don't you think twice, i believe that your mother wants the best for you but sometimes mom's are wrong too, she needs to accept your decisions, you're not a kid anymore, take control, she is your mom, i believe she will understand, even if it takes some time, btw you should talk to her, say that you are suffering with all that and that she should support you, she is your mother after all. you are right when you say that guys can come and go, but if he is the right one, you might not find anyone else like him, don't waste the chance of being happy.

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- forever_anon
  
  11 years ago
  
  Totally agree. The OP is 22 years old, so Mom shouldn't be surprised that her daughter is sexually active. What's most important is that this man loves her and treats her well. Great advice, NG!
  
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Ibelievethis

11 years ago

Well before I read your comment in full my initial thoughts were "You're 22 not 12". However as your mum is old fashioned I can see where you're coming from about not wanting her to know that you're sexually active. it seems if you don't mind me saying that your mum seems to think that sex is wrong or dirty when this is far from the truth. However I don't know how old your mum is and sex did used to be very taboo. (Perhaps she is from that era). I don't suppose any parent wants to think of their child/ren no matter how old they are having sex. Which is really strange as how did our parents have their kids??? Exacxtly
What does you mum think you and your boyfriend are doing exactly "Playing scrabble". xxx

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- forever_anon
  
  11 years ago
  
  "I don't suppose any parent wants to think of their child/ren no matter how old they are having sex. Which is really strange as how did our parents have their kids???"
  
  Exactly. And have you ever noticed that a lot of times, it's the sex-negative parents who are most likely to pressure their children to give them grandchildren? How do they think they are going to get those grandkids, the stork? Anyway, going off on a tanget, but I agree with your post and great advice!
  
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  - Ibelievethis
    
    11 years ago
    
    Thankyou for your reply. People/animals/creatures have been having sex since time began. I'm with you it's about time people stopped being so bloody prudish. It's the most natural thing it the world. xxx
    
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DancingGirl

11 years ago

You are old enough to be your own person. Your mom can now only voice her opinion not make you do anything. I suggest move to your own place or in with your boyfriend. Stay committed to him but also to your mom. Respect her and hear her out but in the end do what you feel is right. If you love this man don't let your mom change that. Parents don't want to see their babies grow up she is just trying to keep you young. You need to let her know she can't control you anymore.

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Justsomejerk

11 years ago

You are old enough to be an adult.

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- Umm...awkward
  
  9 years ago
  
  You're an adult now and your mom does not control you. You should tell your mom what you just told me. He treats you well and you really love him and her. You feel like she is making you choose between the two of you and her words really hurt you. Tell her that you make your own decisions and that he is not is parents. She cannot judge a person by their parents and that just because his dad is an alcoholic doen't mean he is. You should not let go of him, you need to stand up to your mom. When my mom said really hurtful things to me or my dad hit me (this did not happen too often, don't worry) I would just stand my ground and tell them off. Tell her what you feel, if she loves you she'll understand.
  
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noid

11 years ago

Stop living with mother.

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PapzBSlim

11 years ago

Move in with him.

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forever_anon

11 years ago

You are right that guys come and go, but in the end, you'll ideally be spending your life with the man you love, not your mother. This man treats you well, and you love him, so it sounds like this relationship is worth fighing for. Explain to your mother that you're sorry that she feels disappointed in you, but you love your boyfriend and intend to stay with him. You may have to back up your words with actions, and be prepared to support yourself economically if she asks you to move out. It will be a difficult existence for a while, but it is worth giving up some creature comforts in exchange for independence. Good luck to you, sweetie. Please write back and let us know how it goes.

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moomus

11 years ago

If he is really a great boyfriend then don't leave him. You mum will have to get over it. You are an adult and can make your own decisions.

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Noel1417

7 years ago

I TOTALLY understand what you are going through! I'm in a similar situation as well - I'm 23 and I recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years this past Sunday. My family is pretty conservative and prefer for me to not have sex, especially while I'm in school (they take education very seriously.) I had sex and I didn't regret it at all because I'm with a really amazing person. The only difference is that none of them know (except for my brother-in-law, but he's completely understanding.)

I also felt kind of guilty because I know it isn't what my family wanted. But it's my sex life and it was my decision and it's something I can live with. I would say keep seeing your boyfriend and do what you feel is right. I think it's great you are taking your mom's feelings into consideration, but at the end of the day what you do is totally up to you. There's a fine line between being genuinely concerned and just flat out interfering. You're an adult and I think you should do as you see fit. You should probably also want to talk to your boyfriend and see how you two want to go about this situation.

Sorry for the long reply. Like I said I really understand how you feel. I hope I have helped a little! :) If you ever want to talk let me know. :)

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regisphilbin

9 years ago

i know this is super old but you got to learn to live your own life and create your own unique individual identity separate from your parents and family. having a little freedom and not letting others influence or control you is a good thing.

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sarah__

11 years ago

Thank's everyone for ur advice it does help a lot glad there is this website to help eachother out. Truely appreciate it

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I'm 22 what should i do if my mom found out i'm sexually active?