I love me/i hate me.

Greetings ya'll. I was sitting my room contemplating over-contemplation when I realised maybe other people don't think like this. I was born with cleft lip/plalate and because of this I often find myself hyper-analyzing every situation to the point of people turning into inherently mean-natured automatons, I think out of fear of their judgement. A weird coping/defense mecanism of mine. So living like this can make me a genearlly mean natured person as well; I seek refuge in concidering all people terrible and causing destruction to everything around me. The weird thing is, I fluxate between this and being one of the kindest, happiest, blabbering fools ever to walk the earth. Becasue of this, I often loose sight of who I am, my identity just curshes right before me. Is this train of thought normal or am I loosing my fucking midn?