I love death

im not a psychopath. i have extremely high empathy, and am highly intelligent. anyone with a comment involving religion in the slightest, stop. dont wanna hear it. right, my psychiatrist can vouch for the first three statements. sometimes my urges to violently stab and torture til im soaked in blood and my urges to slowly slide a knife in to someone watching their eyes as they get woozy and the life from their eyes fades away has me curled in a ball its that strong, its a physical warm satifaction in my head when i play scenes of me slitting the throats of the mothers of people i know. now a psychopath couldnt understand the pain and emotional trauma he would put someone through, but thats part i crave the most, looking in to eyes of someone not only facing death, but the pain of stabbing or a cut throat. at that moment youre looking into eyes full of the most intense emotion. it feels like i absorb an energy as they die. makes sense with my higher empathy, theres an empathy test where you look at pictures of eyes to guess the emotion, when you do it, its like youre judging an aura or an atmosphere its like that only amplified exponentially. im obsessed with the zodiac killer and want to be a genius mastermind murderer. i like evil and i like that i like it. so, why did i post? on my surface life im super polite and respectful. im against hunting and killing anything for meat but i still eat it everyday. and everyone loves me and thinks im completely normal. I WANT SOMEONE LIKE ME TO SPEAK TO.