I like too think it's my mom's blood??

Whenever I see/have red paint I like to believe it's my mother's blood that is covered all over my hands as if I murdered her in cold blood. I quite frankly have vile thoughts of actually having her wet sticky blood all over my hands. I've haven't told anyone about this nor will I ever. I'm too ashamed too do so. I'm scared as that I would act on it... is it normal for me to act or think this way?