I like helplessness/cross-dressing
I am a straight male, 23 years old. I do not know why, but I get sexual arousal and satisfaction out of cross-dressing. When I do, I pretend that I am being forced by some sort of magic or something to become a girl, and thus I'm helpless to resist. Then I jerk off. I am highly aroused by bondage, rape scenes, and helplessness. I wear stockings, pantyhose, and high heels (Black stiletto pumps are my favorites) during masturbation.
I've considered shaving my legs and really committing to the illusion, but I don't want to ruin any potential I'd have with real women partners (I've no intention of living as a full-on transvestite).
Is liking the idea of helplessness a normal behavior? Should I try to adjust this behavior somehow? If not, any ideas on how to feed my behavior while keeping a male profile on the outside?