I keep having unhealthy online relationships
Im currently seeing a nice & yet sexually aggressive girl online. First of all, normally this is not the kind of person I am- Ive had another online relationship which was more of the boyfriend/girlfriend type rather than my current relationship which is more about just sex. I dont have one night stands in real life nor have I even had sex in real life- I'm still a virgin who has never had any sexual encounters outside of this current relationship & my previous one (although that was a lot more subdued).
This girl also happens to have a bestfriend which Ive also met & befriended online. Although she is not as sexually "open" as the first girl she is much more my type- shy, mature & considered. Definitely not someone who would have online sex. However, I somehow managed to end up in a casual relationship with the first girl, who is definitely not my type & I kinda feel like Im stringing her along- however we both know the relationship is not going to progress since we live worlds apart.
At first I enjoyed the encounters, but then felt slightly wrong, almost dirty, after them. This may have been due to the fact that I lied about my age (I said I was years older than I am to make myself similar to hers- I also did this in my first relationship, although it wasnt a problem), so I ended the sex with the girl. Things got complicated & I thought "Why can't I have a little fun instead of being the oppressed nice guy all the time?". So we restarted the encounters. It felt right this time. Although I said I didn't want to go "exclusive", we more or less agreed that we wouldn't be with anyone else & if we felt like it, we would cross that bridge when we came to it.
However I managed somehow to profess my adoration for this girl's bestfriend. Although I knew she'd only ever like me as a friend since we could never see each other in real life, I implied a kiss during on of our conversations. She took it well & I told her I screwed up & I felt immediately bad because I never ever wanted to be a cheat in my life (after seeing the results during my early childhood). I do have a history of pining after my online friends, even in real life- often with bad endings. Even now I am holding hope for at least 5 different girls that we'll be able to hook up. I know they'll never amount to anything & yet I do it anyway.
So I have a few questions- Why all of a sudden have I turned from a shy, introvert who had morals to someone who could not only then have online sexual encounters, but then cheat too? Why do I insist on going after online girls even though I know 90%% can absolutely never be viable? Does online activity relate in any way to real life- I mean, is an online sexual encounter the same as a one night stand or is a casual relationship or implication of a kiss the same as in real life? Is going for the easier girl morally bad?
Am I normal? Im scared I'll turn into someone who cheats or who goes for sexually promiscuous girls over wholesome ones.