I just took a sh*t....

did you wash your hands afterwards

no there must be parasites in your body go 2 the doctor now!!!

We didn't need to know that.

I just took one myself and feel a lot better now.

Did a vision of Barack Obama go through your head has you did it?

light a match man.

Congratulations on winning our contest! I'll alert the press. And now, for some important legal announcements.

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Great! Now, if you'll just sign and return the paperwork, we'll get your prize mailed to you. Thanks for participating.