I imagine bad scenarios, then i make loud noises to try to feel better

Hey there,

As a brief history about myself, I am an international university student in Hong Kong. I feel deeply disappointed about the educational system. My grades plummeted terribly halfway through and I often question the purpose of my presence here, and feeling guilty for having my parents foot the bill. I am often criticised by my roommates and peers for not working hard enough... while it could be true, it makes me more insecure and doesn't help me work harder in any way.

Add to that the current political situation in Hong Kong. I am at odds with most of my friends here, and I lost a few friends regarding this. Please, mind you, I am not trying to turn this political, but this topic certainly has a significant impact on me.

Anyway!

I seem to be having an issue imagining terrible stuff about me. I always imagine myself involved in some kind of confrontation. It never feels good, and I normally have very shallow breaths when I am in such situations. I think I can break them down into three things:

1) I imagine myself in a verbal confrontation with my parents about my performance in the university and my plans afterwards, especially with my father as he doesn't usually understand me. I could also imagine myself venting out my feelings about the university system to close family friends in the presence of my parents.

2) I also imagine myself saying my opinion aloud about the current situation in Hong Kong, and then getting into a verbal confrontation with people around me. In other cases, I also often imagine myself getting in a physical confrontation and being outnumbered (that was about to happen once, but I don't always imagine the confrontation happening in the same location).

3) I recall awkward things that have already happened to me, but I exaggerate them a bit sometimes. The awkward things I recall usually involve social situations I have run into. I also sometimes imagine awkward situations that might escalate into confrontations.

In all the three cases, because of how uncomfortable I feel, I make some sorts of noises to feel better. I often make loud cat noises when I am alone. When I am in the room, I normally annoy my roommates. One of my roommates has the patience of a saint, so I unfortunately annoy him quite a lot. I sing all sorts of weird songs to him; including a short poem I made up depicting him as a communist revolutionary. He left for a vacation, but I still have the habit of shouting his nickname and singing that poem about him.

Honestly, every time I annoy my roommates like this, I feel terrible about myself and I wish I could cry alone in a corner and not be able to hold my tears.

Basically, that is how I spend most of my days recently. I might try to calm myself down by going to the forum regarding my hobby. But by the end of the day, I feel useless, but I also could not get myself to do my duties. I recently even could not get myself to do my other hobbies without loads of daunting struggle, and I am finding it difficult to enjoy them. I sometimes really wish I was a pet or some small dove rather than having to deal with this crap.

What should I do from here????