I i think i hate my 4 year old daughter

O_____O my head is spinning. Please learn to use the English language correctly......

This is typical toddler/preschooler thing to do. She was jealous of your time with the new baby and so did something to get attention. It's because she loves and misses her Mommy's undivided attention! My kid does this once in awhile, and I take it as a sign to try to give him more attention--without condoning the behavior, of course. What you should he worried about, though, is how seriously your hubby took it. It's important to jeep your marriage connected enough that your kids can't do what your daughter did to you. Try and remember you're the mom and your daughter did what she did not to hurt you but to get your live and attention back! Maintain this perspective and hopefully you'll soften to your daughter again. Good luck!

What she did is normal. Could have been anything. could have seen the maytag man on television in his all blue uniform and then answered that she thought of that. Typical for the eldest child to buck. I HAD THIS HAPPEN TO ME. I WAS YOUR DAUGHTER. My mom reacted the same way. I am now the most successful child in the family - and she is going to a nursing home. The lowest grade nursing home the state will pay for. You think of that as she gets older, think of that when you are holding this against her. I spent a year and a half studying birth order. I know what I am talking about. If your husband is that out of control and has that little trust, and would trust a four year old over you - there are other problems in this marriage other than a four year old spinning a story. Good luck.

Sounds like something is wrong with you too.

I want to give this little girl a hug! She is only 4. Yes, major red flags with a potentially abusive husband. I think you are projecting all your negative feelings about a fragile marriage onto a 4 year old.

I would sit her done and talk to her

Well I say fuck ur man for bealiving a 4 y/o. That is what kids do. My daughter has told stories she thought were true an we find out they are part of a dream. So who knows why she did it. But the problem isn't with her. It's with him!!! You should be pissed he would belive that and to say he will kill you?!?! It Ain't right! Sounds like a dick. Even the comment about you hating her! Like I said, it's not her you should have the problem with, it's your husband. They only thing I can think of that would help is counseling.

Forgive and forget lady, she's your daughter.

It sickens me that u would let a man influence u to the point of treating ur own flesh and blood badly. Do u even realize how much u have diminshed ur daughters chances of becoming a confident, successful, strong woman? It is apparent by reading ur story that u probably do not have a clue that the most important thing u will do in ur life is to try and raise well rounded humans. Ur children deserve better than u and unfortunately for they r stuck with ur dysfunction. Give them to someone who will give them a chance at life!

Your husband said he would kill you? over a man fixing the tv? your husband is the problem, that's what your worried about you can't blame your daughter, she is too young.

You probably do love her you're just angry with her at the moment. Kids do make things up, but they do it for ATTENTION. try to understand your daughter wasnt being malicious, she was just trying to get some attention. Spend some time trying to bond with her and forgive her, she needs you more than your son does right now.

And also there must be major problems with your marraige if a 4 year old's made up story or dream can make that much of an issue with your husband. Dont blame your child for your bad relationship its not her fault your unhappy you should probably go see a psychiatrist maybe one for the whole familly.

She is a 4 year old who felt like her mother didnt love her and it seems like she had a dream of how you hurt her daddy just as much as you were hurting her and this makes sense because why would you want to only hurt her if you hurt her daddy too then maybe she has someone who can understand but instead of proving her wrong and showing her how much you love her you just isolated her and your torturing her with your coldness. And she obviously isnt a vindictive child as many small children try take it out their new sibling but she's a smart girl as she realises the problem is really with you and not her baby brother. What is completely abnormal is how you acted and if you dont change soon then you could permemenately damage this little girl for the rest of her life and it will be completely and wholely your fault.

Remember you have to improve on the situation not make it worse. you need to have a talk to her about the consequences of lying and you need to try (Literally try) to be happy with your daughter and develop a better relationship. The worse it behind, head for the better. YOU ARE AN ADULT you shouldn't have this grade school attitude ie- hating your daughter so be the adult and make things work. Also you need to pay some attention to the fact that your husband threatened to kill you that's a huge red flag right there. Also I'm not sure how recent your last pregnancy was but look into "postpartum blues" some women experiencing this can have hateful feelings toward their children but I don't think this is your problem.

you are a really bad mother, if you dont change your daughters gona end up messed up when shes older, its not her fault its yours she is only 4 and doesnt know anny better. grow up and be a good parent

she is just a four year old. when i was four, i said stupid stuff that i dont even remember. and SHE IS YOUR CHILD, you should love her unconditionally, and that sickens me you think of her getting sick, poor child.and your husband will kill you? sounds a little abusive to me :/

She's just a kid you really can't not love her do you know how she would feel? You need to get past this

I wish I could hug your daughter. I have a 4 year old! Please get some help. Don't destroy that little girl's self-esteem! And I agree -- MAJOR red flags with your husband. How can a child cause that great of a disruption in your marriage. These problems run way deeper than your child lying. I think you are projecting all your negative feelings onto her. Please remember she is only 4 and you are the most important person in her life. Be good to her. Btw -- I think she may have dreamed the whole thing.

Ur are actually not fit to be a mom, she's 4years old!!!!!! So nice of u to treat her that way!!!!!! Not!!! No this is not normal, clearly u do have something to hide and ur ragin u got caught! Ur a bitch!!!!

Probably should stop cheating on your husband

If you hate her so much, why don't you kill her?

I don't think there is anything wrong with you as a mother. But there does seem to be something wrong with your daughter. I have to admit that I would have a hard time liking a child of mine that did the same thing. You have every right not to like your daughter now. Frankly, she sounds like a terrible child (no offense...just the truth)!

I think the kid is wierd and will do it again

4 year old children don't know how to lie. Somebody might have told her that story, or she saw on it TV, or dreamt it. Children often mix up things. I used to lie at that age because people pressured me to lie. That could be the case. Besides I think you are a bad mother and you show it clearly to your daughter. Otherwise she wouldn't ask if you love her. You are abusing her emotionally, this can affect her in a lot of way. She might become insecure and get problems with socialising and learning at school. She could get easier sick. Go to a therapist before you seriously harm an innocent child.

Jesus, she's like Stewie or something.
You're being a bitch though. I'm not even going to tell you why she did it because it should be the easiest thing in the world to understand

Hey,
You seriously need to go to counseling WITH YOUR DAUGHTER ASAP! In my own life, I always felt my mother favored my little brother and was jealous of me. We never had a strong relationship because of the way she treated me when I was younger. I still remember (I'm 27) things she said and did when I was 3 yrs old, and I'm sad to say I hold those things against her to this day. Also, my parents divorced and I think partially it had to do with her treatment of me. I wasn't the easiest child to deal with...I lied and was extremely difficult at times but when I look back on those moments I had NO IDEA what I was doing at all. I didn't deserve that treatment from my mom, even though I know I was difficult... I will probably always hold it against her. Please, get counseling and try to work out these issues before it's too late and those memories poison your relationship with her forever. Good luck! Tallie

That is your cHild. Take the time out to know her and raise her with strict values.

jesus no offense but your husband seems pretty stupid. i meen he would believe a 4 year old if she said something like that? when first of all, you said that she said she was sleeping during the whole thing right, so how would she see the man then? and it's obviously made up for attention but please dont hate the poor thing all she wants is love :(

Okay... your husband threatened to kill you? Your husband doesnt trust you? Sounds like you and your husband need some therapy and your daughter as well..

Don't feel bad about the way you feel it a true feeling. I believe you want to change this feeling or you wouldn't be written this story. I would sit her down and tell her the consequence that her story made. That you do love her but you don't like the bad things she does. It is so hard, because kids can really get on your nerves.

SHE IS 4! YOUR THE MOTHER! Four year olds make up stories I mean come on that's why most 4 year olds have imaganary friends! Just let her and your husband know it's not true, and ALL of you need counseling! This whole time reading your post and others comment I couldn't help but think maybe your husband is the one guilty of cheating? I mean he could easily not be but this is a red flag for future abuse and a sign that he is the one guilty. Your daughter is not the guilty one she loves you and is just learning how decipher imagination/dreams from reality. We all had to learn that sometime! Help her learn the difference, forgive her, LOVE HER AND PAY ATTENTION TO HER SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU ARE HER MOMMY! SHE LOVES AND TRUSTS YOU AND YOU OWE THAT TO HER! SHE JUST NEEDS YOU AND MAYBE SOMEONE/ CHILDREN TO PLAY WITH! She could very easily be lonely and that's why she made the whole story up.

I feel so bad for your daughter.
How can you do that to her?
Do you love her? Or not?
Treat your kids better, ecpaically her!!!
Do you hate her because she thought he saw some man, and it almost ruined ur relationship with ur husband??? Ur husband, by the way, sounds like a jerk. He threatened to kill u??? Jeez, u and him shouldn't be married. Show ur daughter that u love her. She doesn't think u do. If she asks u, and u don't even say it like u mean it. Divorce ur creepo husband.

Thank you for being so positive and also so very helpful I never thought about postpartum depression its possible thank you for all your advice but yeah I know I'm stressed I'm trying to deal and since I posted this ad I have also being doing things with my daughter and taking every day one step at a time to get better so yeah thanx

I came from a family where everyone chose favorites. I was the crazy one, which of course they got sick of. Trust me, i was alittle older than your daughter, and having your own mother not love you ruins the relationship when theyre older and i wouldent blame her if she grudges against you. She'll remember everything cause her brain is fully grown. And i know everyone loves babies but the feeling that your other sibling is picked over you, is one of the worst feelings ever known to man. And even if you grown man of a husband agrees, maybe you should realize just like a 4 year should, of their own actions. Your baby doesnt know anything yet and honestly your little girl should recieve more attention and your son should just be taken care of with his needs. Neglecting your child further more will cause an abusive relationship that could possibly be saved if you seeked some help yo talk about your feelings with a counselor. Your ways could even break up your entire family and custody battles and separate homes and thats 10 times worse for a child. Keep your family together by being honest to yourself and grow to become a better mother.

To mybuttholesmellsofshit: lol THAT comment coming from a person who chose mybuttholesmellsofshit for their screen name!

To CarolM: GOOD POINT! When did this come to be about the husband needing an apology? He is being disturbingly controlling in this situation and I can only imagine how it plays out in the other parts of their life.

To poster: along with what I said to CarolM when did it get to the point where YOU were the one groveling for forgiveness if you really have nothing to hide.
Don't let the negative relationship you were forming with your little daughter dictate the rest of your and her life. I believe that you and she will reconnect but this drama has put to light red flags withing your marriage. You and your husbands interactions seem very dominant/submissive and I get the feeling the two of you are not on an equal playing field at all. The fact that you will accept all the hateful criticism (as opposed to respectful criticism) on this post supports my worries for you.
I would personally suggest that you find a professional to talk to about this stuff but I understand that not everyone can afford such luxuries. Research for yourself online...get a book from a library...help yourself. Both you and your daughter are worth it!

well that would certaintly piss me off too!! shed get a spanking and a talk about lying? but dnt beat her! but thats wat i would do if i was a mom. but yea just forgive her but if she keeps lying and lying and its ruining your marriage take her to a therapist or something maybe??

I understand where your coming from.....but to me it seems suspicious that your husband would believe a four year old girl against his own wife. Is he usually suspicious of you? Hmm.....sounds weird to me but right now I think you should just forgive your daughter.....she's only four, if she knew how much trouble she was causing, she might not have said it. She may have had a dream about a man fixing the t.v and thought it was real...I honestly don't know.

When she asks if you love her say yes "but Id love you more if you didn't lie, by telling your father about a man that never existed made him upset with your mum and if it happens again he might get really upset and we will need to live apart becaise he won't believe in your mom anymore. You don't want any of us to live in different places do you? You do want your dad to be happy with your mum, don't you?" Now,if she keeps going with the lie, saying she saw the man and if she looks like she really believes in it maybe you should take her to a kids psychiatrist. She may have some disturbed mental problem. I am not saying it in a mean way but it could happen. About your feellings towards her I think it is normal just try not to forget she is only 4 and for your husband, you have nothing to be forgiven, he is the one who should say sorry to you, I mean, in a real way. He really has to apologize with you. And yeah don't tell people about how you feel now. They probably won't understand. Look for professional counselling instead.

Please get some help. You are the most important person in her life. She can't be held responsible for difficulties in your marriage. She needs unconditional love.

u need to teach her to true meaning of a lie. teach her a lesson. its normal

My son is 22 now. But when he was in grade school he claimed a man found him in the bathroom and hung him by his belt on the coat holder on the bathroom door. (his belt was around his waist). Police were called. Filed a report. My son gave a description. Come to find out about 2 weeks later it was a lie. Somehow he ripped his belt during recess and felt like he was going to be in trouble, so he came up with that story. Kids come up with some real doozies. Be the adult. Pick her up and kiss her. You will feel better and so will she.

My mom was the same way she liked my little sister better. We have never had a good relationship and it ruined my parents relationship. Now they are sperated I won't even see her. So think what relationship you want with your kids.

I dont blame u bet get over it

Actually, that was harsh. Do not give up, straighten up!!

Ss

@Poster - you sure use the word 'well' a lot.

Sorry about the typos above!!

Yeah, she's only four years old. She obviously doesn't understand that some lies have serious consequences, regardless of why she's lying. You need to talk to her right away about it because it seems that if she were to say something similar, your husband's would go apeshit.

clearly your daughters fucked up.and your husbands a retard (divorce) tell your husband to keep the lier and take your son. its a win win. stupid father gets lier daughter (who he believes) and you get the son who from this text seems to have no problems. and if she lies again i guarrente she says its a plumer

Wow