I have to fake my emotions sometimes

71% Normal
9 Comments

So I have always been so bad at socializing ever since I was little. I can’t make eye contact or have a normal conversation with either of my schoolmates or adults and 20 something years later, here I am, still have the same problem. I’m pretty sure I have social anxiety, if not, then Idk what this is. I always have to force myself to smile and laugh at something that’s not even funny just to seem normal. I have always been so jealous at people who can talk in class without a problem or start a conversation with ease like its their second nature. I hate that I’m the “quiet one” and people ask me all the time “you’re so quiet” or “why are you so quiet?” like its so strange to see someone quiet. I despise small talk the most and Idk how to start or end a conversation without being awkward. Over time I got better, people can come up to me and ask me something or try to talk to me and I do just fine but if someone forces me to talk in front of many people, my blood pressure and heart shoots up and my voice and my whole body start shaking. I hate that I can’t hide it, its the most embarrassing thing ever. And yes, I’ve been bullied or picked on or made fun of for years because I was like this and all those years, I probably only cried once.

Anyways, enough of my boring background story, theres also something that I’ve noticed. I feel like I’m not empathetic. I’m a healthcare worker and Id see my coworkers feeling sad/crying whenever they lose a patient but I, on the other hand, don’t feel anything. Or I find out someone’s kid or pet passes away, I don’t feel a thing. I WANT to feel something but I don’t. I don’t feel sad or feel bad at all. This is also the times where I fake my sadness or empathy just so people don’t think I’m cold-blooded. I KNOW I’m supposed to feel sad so I pretend and I KNOW I’m supposed to comfort them so I just do it not because I’m sad for them.

I do get scared, anxious, irritated sometimes. When I do cry, I hide it. I actually don’t know what I’m asking here, but is it so bad that I’m like this?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 7 votes (5 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 9 )
  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    I suggest you try CBD oil for the anxiety its fuckin amazing. cbdMD has good shit cheap.

    As far as the healthcare thing I see why you wouldnt want to be like that but honestly its probably not a bad thing. I could never be in the medical field because id be depressed 24/7

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Thanks for the tip! I really appreciate it. I’ve been trying Valerian root but its not working for me so I’ll try CBD next:)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • 1WeirdGuy
        2 years ago

        You can get it at any gas station to just try. Id start with 20mg twice a day

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • idolomantis
    2 years ago

    Yeeaah, I'm like this too lol. Paragraph 2 describes me a little too well, as messed up as that kinda is, lol. Personally, I think I just react a lot to other people's body language and overall tone moreso than the things that they talk about...People tend to mirror one another, so I think maybe people just naturally mirror my calmness? I definitely feel horrible if I see someone crying, it's just rare for me to start crying as well. People sometimes assume that my "lack of emotion" means that there must be something wrong with me, especially since I'm female, so yeah I can definitely get why Op fakes their emotions lol. I TRY to do this, and it's insanely awkward. It's easier when I'm just authentic personally, I just have anxiety problems so sometimes being myself in front of others is extremely difficult.

    But yes, OP is completely normal. :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Speaking of mirroring one another, I also tend to laugh when other people laugh at a joke even tho I don’t find it funny initially. I mean I get the joke but I don’t know when to laugh or not or if its appropriate to do so, and so I copy people’s reactions. I’m like this most of the time just to fit in or to prevent people from thinking that I’m too serious or that I lack sense of humor and to make people comfortable around me

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    Do you have asbergers OP? I’m not a psychologist but your difficulties socialising sound reminiscent of some of the criteria.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I have a suspicion that I do but I’m not diagnosed with it. I just know I’m not very sociable. I do know I’ve had social anxiety since I was a kid though I’m not diagnosed with that either, I just know I get very anxious around people or anything involving social interactions. I still have a hard time with making eye contact but I’m working on it.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • Somenormie
    2 years ago

    TLDR.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      IDGAF.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0