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I love to cause pain to others but at the same time I feel guilty about it I even lost a relationship over it I just can't help myself I think I'm sick.
As a child i had also some sadistic tendencies (i alwasys said its my "dark blood" that takes over so i do "evil" stuff) but i lived with it. I had a phase where the evil took a little over because life was shit in that phase but i started many things in my life new and so i changed my personality on purpose into a mix of the good/evil bloods from my past. I also felt guity so i knew ,without someone telling me, that i shouldn't have done that, its a normal feeling even the most evil person could feel. Its a good thing. Just try to find the sweet spot of sadistic behaviers and non sadistic ones.