I have no friends because i disagree with people too much

44% Normal

I have had friends in the past so I'm not incapable but we shared our common interests and didn't talk about anything controversial.

I have a number of dealbreakers that make me want to isolate myself, such as different politics, (extreme) religion, hatred of animals, racism, sexism, homophobia, bullying others for looks... or at all, heartlessness (I disown people if they're Katie Hopkins fans), inconsiderate smoking (not outside), disbelief in sexualities, disbelief in/disrespect to any mental illness, stereotypes, extreme pro-life stance (or anything that seriously impedes "live and let live if it hurts no one else").

I don't want anything to do with these people because I can't trust them. I actually think I'm reasonable and open-minded, these are just the serious things that I can't understand why people would be like. In fact I have respectfully disagreed with people on big topics such as feminism and euthanasia.
Maybe I need to meet more people because someone always seems to have one of these obnoxious traits. I'd rather be alone than have to put up with any of this.

Voting Results

44% Normal

Based on 34 votes (15 yes)

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Comments ( 39 )

PinkHairedFreak

8 years ago

I'm not sure I understand about hatred of animals? I know plenty of people who really dislike animals, but they just dont have pets and would never hurt an animal or anything like that. It seems kind of silly to get worked up about it unless you're a veterinarian, volunteer at an animal shelter, or work at a zoo or something.

And there's a reason a lot of friends avoid controversial topics. Once the topic of abortion was brought up among a group of my friends. We were all arguing and taking sides within seconds. Eventually we agreed to disagree before things got out of hand. I mean, we liked each other a lot as friends, and our views on abortion didn't really affect our daily lives. It's not like we were going to invite each other to go to a rally or something, you know?

Your friends don't have to all have the exact same beliefs as you do. If they don't align perfectly, it's okay. It seems more like you're picking fights by bringing up these subjects since you seem not to like many people? You don't have to like everyone, but it seems silly to search for a reason to not be their friend if you were perfectly fine before.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Why does working with animals make a difference?
  I have animals; what's silly is trying to be friends with someone who won't understand the most important part of my life.
  I thought hatred meant no compassion towards animals that are hurt, even if they don't hurt them themselves - in which case, I would still avoid these people.
  It sounds like you're desperate to be liked and avoid fully knowing a person; I don't want to be like that.
  Abortion affects daily lives all the time. I suppose your friendships would break down if you had to encounter it in some way.
  
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  - PinkHairedFreak
    
    8 years ago
    
    People who work in animal oriented professions just seem to really love animals, and they are surrounded by other people who love animals, so it's difficult for a lot of them to understand that not everyone loves them the same way or even likes them (based on my experiences with various friends that are involved in animal rescue organizations).
    
    Ahhh now I get it. That makes more sense about having compassion toward hurt animals. With an explanation that's a much better reason to dislike somebody.
    
    I'm not "desperate to be liked" lol. You don't need every friendship to be deep and narrow. Many People have more friendships that are wide and shallow with only a handful of ones that are extremely close to where you can discuss all those controversial topics. It's because there are more people that don't share your exact same beliefs than there are people who do.
    
    I mean, if I had to go get an abortion, I would ask one of the friends I have a "deep and narrow" type relationship to go with because I know for certain they would be okay with it. You only want "deep and narrow" relationships, so you drive away all the people who would be willing to have a "wide and shallow" friendship with you, and a lot of the time, the "wide and shallows" turn into "deep and narrows." Not all friendships are the same.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      I know what you mean, but I'm only interested in close friendships. The others I consider acquaintances (one of which I have).
      
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RoseIsabella

8 years ago

If some doesn't like animals it's a stone cold deal-breaker for me!

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- handsignals
  
  8 years ago
  
  Oh, so now your telling everyone I hate animals, and that I piss in the gravy at the cheesecake factory, you just can't end this campaign of hate against me.?...can you.
  
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- reginaFalangi
  
  8 years ago
  
  I have a friend who doesn't care about dogs. I though it was wierd but tried to be open minded about it.
  I later realized that her political views are strongly opposite to mine and now i have less reasons to want to see her :(
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    8 years ago
    
    I actually wrote a nice long response for you, but something here on my smart phone ate it.
    
    I wanted to say that although it may seem like a small thing to some people, especially non animal people, it tends to be only the tip of the iceberg once I get to know certain people more closely. I used to be closer to this one woman, but she's emotionally needy of other people and she's oh so draining. She seems to think the rest of the world, especially men, are bat shit crazy, but she, of course, is just fine.
    
    I hope I can remember wrote I originally post. Ugh. Sorry about that.
    
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victorygin

8 years ago

The dealbreaker for me is when people are aggressive in their views. It's when they shout down anyone who disagrees.

But other than that, it's possible to disagree with people on fundamental issues and still be able to connect on a more personal level (if you want to).
You may find that you're not separating the person from the views they hold, which is something you consciously have to do sometimes.
You might instinctively put up a wall as soon you realise they're pro-life, for eg. (But there's other ways to deal with it instead).

And sometimes, those dealbreakers that you listed are symptomatic that this person actually is just a massive asshole. And in that case, don't bother.

But other times, the person might be ok to hang out with, you might be able to have a great laugh about ..whatever, but they just have a few "whacky" ideas...
So it's good to be able to disagree or debate these things and then put them to one side, because they don't define the person themselves.
And it does take a little bit of conscious effort.

And I'm sure you already know all this.
So please ignore if I'm off the mark, I only say it because you might be missing out on friendships.

It's also possible that you're just unlucky and most of the people you meet actually are genuine assholes that you really don't want to befriend anyway...
Totally possible because I've met lots of people that don't match any of your dealbreakers (which are reasonable expectations btw, but maybe not so reasonable together as a set of 'dealbreakers'?)

Anyway, apologies for the rant and good luck.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I am deliberately not separating the person from their views because that's what makes a person.
  
  I often question whether I'm unlucky or not.
  
  What do you mean a set?
  
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  - victorygin
    
    8 years ago
    
    Ok. I mean that having a sort of checklist for dealbreakers might end up discounting what could be perfectly good friendships, just because someone didn't tick one of the boxes.
    Someone's view on abortion might be part of what makes that person, but only a really small part. So refusing that friendship might be throwing the baby out with the bathwater a little bit?
    
    But I'm honestly not too sure about this. Because when I think of my (few) friends, I'm sure they would fit your checklist. So there's people like that around.
    (I probably have similar views to you on these things).
    
    But I have been friends with people who didn't, in the past. Like, I've had racist friends etc. and I might tell them they're stupid, but it's never been a serious problem.
    
    Ah I don't really know...I don't think I'm helping, sorry.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      It isn't such a small part when I am faced with an abortion and need the support of friends, only to have them attempt to control my body and judge my choices - even if it doesn't happen, the hypothetical situation is heavy on my mind.
      It isn't such a small part when I am friends with someone who likes my personality, but if I happened to be born a different colour it would change everything to them.
      
      It's OK. I'm interested in different opinions.
      
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      - victorygin
        
        8 years ago
        
        Yeh, that's true. I suppose I couldn't truly be friends with people that were hard-line on a lot of those issues as well.
        When people really are that extreme; like you described above... then, yeh, I can understand. And nor should you be friends with people like that.
        
        I suppose I was thinking of people that might lean towards opposing views, but not be so extreme about it.
        
        You must feel like the only person around that shares the (perfectly reasonable) views you have. I mean, if you really have no friends. Do you live in a really conservative area or something?
        
        You don't have to answer that. But I just think there ARE lots of people out there that would fit your "checklist" easily, so it's just a shame that you don't have a circle of friends, I suppose.
        Whatever the reason for that is.
        
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Freedom_

8 years ago

This is what I believe, and you might disagree with me - if you keep encountering similar situations in your life, i.e. opposing beliefs with people you're trying to form relationships with, life is trying to tell you to approach these situations differently. Think of more alternatives than just becoming a recluse, learn to accept people who think differently than you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Do you accept homophobia often?
  
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  - Freedom_
    
    8 years ago
    
    Well, my dad is pretty homophobic so I had to learn to deal with one of the most important people in my life being close minded in many ways. And he had to learn to accept my acceptance of gay people because my best friend is lesbian.
    
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[Old Memory]

8 years ago

No two people will agree with everything. You just have to agree to disagree and respect each other anyway. I have lots of friends, but none I agree with all the time and that's ok.

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NeofelisNebulosa

8 years ago

I'm confused. Are you saying that you hold all of those beliefs? Or you don't like people who hold those beliefs?

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flyingnostalgia

8 years ago

well..let me just sat that.... you are going to live on heck of a lonely life...good luck

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Thanks for your fruitful comment.
  
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Short4Words

8 years ago

Disbelief in sexualities?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  There are more than 2 sexualities.
  
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  - Short4Words
    
    8 years ago
    
    You'd probably have better luck finding people like this in cities like Portland or San Francisco.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      What does 'people like this' mean?
      
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      - Short4Words
        
        8 years ago
        
        The type of people you could get along with.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        Why those places?
        
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mystery7

8 years ago

Sounds like you will have very few if any friendships in your future.

I have friends who have polar opposite views to me in so many different areas, including religion, spirituality, abortion, racism, sexism etc. Yet we still connect as friends.

Sometimes we disagree vehemently. But so what?

As long as friendship and trust is there it doesn't matter. Concentrate on the friendship and whether you connect on that level.

You sound immature.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Why would you trust a bigot? You sound ludicrous.
  
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  - mystery7
    
    8 years ago
    
    Who said anything about bigots or trusting them?
    
    Ludicrous? I'm beyond ludicrous.
    
    At least I have friends.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Did you get that one from the playground?
      I'll spell it out for the dunce: you trust people with opposite views to you in sexism and racism, so either they are the bigots or you are - I wouldn't be surprised.
      
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Caps90

8 years ago

So anyone who has an opposite opinion as you is wrong? WTF dude! People are going to have other opinions than you. If they respect your opinions you should respect theirs.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  What on earth are you talking about?
  
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  - Caps90
    
    8 years ago
    
    Your post what are you talking about?
    
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KingRabbit

8 years ago

You should just stop talking to people then.
You cant expect to agree with everything all the time. If you did, life would be boring and no progress would ever happen.

But be a miserable ass, you're only hurting yourself.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Ever the diplomat. Avoid giving advice with that obnoxious attitude.
  
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  - KingRabbit
    
    8 years ago
    
    I give advice to those who plan to take it, or at the very least, consider it. You are a liar. Plain and simple. You have no intention to become a better person. This stupid post is proof of that.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      What are these lies that I've made?
      Why did you give advice when you already know me so well?
      
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NathanScot

8 years ago

Well,..i think all gays should burn in hell fire.I'm not rly bothered with politics,infact i'm a big fan and you are an imbecile if u think you can avoid politics.Lets see what else.Ahh yes animals.I have a dog.Probably love it more than some people i know bt i wouldnt lose sleep if she died today cause at the end of the day thats the life of an animal.

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- Short4Words
  
  8 years ago
  
  I'm sure you could've rattled off a few more.
  
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Are You Normal?

I have no friends because i disagree with people too much