I have issues, it's breaking my boyfriend and i apart

55% Normal
10 Comments

Well where can I start..
I have a boyfriend Joe who I have been with for nearly 2 years now. I met Joe when he was 18, and throughout the time we have been together he has been perfect, he has grown up with me changed himself being with me and he really has put up with a lot from me. When I met him he was a bit of a lad, going out all the time with the boys not really caring to much about us when we were first seeing each other and it took some time before he asked me to be his girlfriend and falling In love with me. Joe is very mature and laid back for his age ( he is 20 in a few days ) and has never done anything wrong throughout the time we've been together. He is very chilled out, doesn't really get upset and let things bother him, his all about being positive. This is where were so different, as i over think a lot of things, and when we row I'm the type of person i wont, eat, sleep do anything really until i know things are ok, whereas he can get on with other thing easily. This is what i have grown to learn about Joe, we are very different, but I've also brought out his soppy romantic sides to him and there has been times his opened up and cried to me when his down about things; we really do have a close best friend relationship and we have changed each others life's. He works up in the city of London and works very hard and is doing very well for his age, he really does have it all going for him. He is sweet, loving , romantic and really has been a huge important person in my life. Me and joe spend a lot of time together pretty much most nights, and he has been there for me when I have been through depression, and also supported me when I worked in turkey for 5 months, he really is a brilliant boyfriend. Basically the reason why I'm writing on here is our relationship is slowly breaking apart, as I'm causing many problems because of the issues I have. It's mainly when he tells me his going out with friends, I instantly turn crazy and make him fell guilty for wanting to go out. I kick up a fuss and say " what am I going to do then " it's like I'm jealous of him going out , and I fear of what I will then spend my night doing. I'm one of these people that struggle to be in my own company, strangely i lived abroad and left everyone for 5 months so I don't understand why its a huge problem. I think it's because I crave his attention so much and I hate him giving other people attention and I suppose having fun. It's so ridiculous and I know in my heart it's wrong. I can turn so horrible and I text him throughout the night and want to know everything, and bless him all he does is try his best to please me. I know I'll end up driving him away, as he knows he deserves better and doesn't need it, but he says he loves me very much and has faith that it will get better. It's making me depressed, I cry all the time and I can't enjoy spending time with him being happy as I just feel miserable thinking he can deserve better. There's been times in the past his wanted to break up and leave me because its got to much, and I've turned suicidle and I suppose I've trapped him into staying. I am a very selfish needy person, and all i want to be is a happier girlfriend who is more relaxed, laid back, has a positive attitude, doesn't react to things, and to just be happy and appreciate the lovely perfect boyfriend i am with everyday. To be honest it has got better, as we spent 5 months apart while I worked in turkey, and supported each other we realise now how much we appreciate each other. But my issues are still there, and now that I'm home and were spending most of our time together, it's got harder again the more his going out. We really are hitting a low, I know his not happy with me, and I know I'll end up loosing him if I don't sort myself out. We really have no other problems and I believe if I didn't rely on him so much, we would be so much happier if all of this stops. I sometimes think it's just this hard time of my life I'm going through, as I'm unemployed at the moment seeking jobs after returning from turkey, and I'm stressed with my finances and its really getting me down. I'm sitting at home most days while his working, getting up late not doing anything and hardly seeing friends as their working, and i suppose all of my own life's problems isn't making It any easier on me and Joe. I just hope that when I am working full time, I can focus more on that than I do on my relationship, and I can be a happier person.

Is anyone else like this in their relationship is this normal? I know it's not healthy and it's not good for either of us to be living like this.

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55% Normal
Based on 31 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    There is things that he needs to change too, as lovely and brilliant as he is, he needs to make small little changes. Like when you are watching a film together, turn yours and his phone off or put them away somewhere so you both can't be distracted as then your spending time together, other than just sat there watching a film. I takes a long time to be able to march over your issues and it does feel at the time that moment will never arrive. When I was younger, I was the exact person you're describing. I thought I would push my other half away but luckily I managed to sort my head out and I didn't lose him. Five years later and we are still together, in our own house with a son. So it can be done. Take a step at a time. Do you trust the people he is friends with? if you know deep down your boyfriend just goes out because he can and not because he doesnt want to spend time with you, then that can really help kick start with you starting to change. Maybe try something like when he next goes out, and say to him 'have fun, give me a text' then when he's out make sure you don't text him. I'm sure he will text you, and that feeling can make you so happy, because whilst he is out, you know he is thinking about you. And that's not because you text him so he's just replying, it's because he listens to you and cares about you. See what you can do and talk to your bf to see how you can try and work through it. He may have a suggestion to help. Good luck. I hope you get through this together.

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  • Daniellaadams
    10 years ago

    Thanks for your comment it made me feel better, He is brilliant he really is.. His very different to me with how laid back he is and he doesn't let things bother him, whereas I'm different. Im so scared I'm gonna loose him with all of this, as it's just getting worse I'm getting depressed ( I used to be months ago ) and I just feel like I'm hurting him with how low I am. I feel like one minute I'm ok, then if something bothers me like if his on his phone for ages while we're watching a film together I just switch into this horrible evil person :( that's when arguments start and I just get really low and again it's another night ive ruined. I just want this all to stop and to be happy with him, I wanna be normal and not crazy and to be a different person

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Hello,
    I just wanted to comment because to me this sounds very common. I may not class it as completely normal, only because I don't think it's good for you or your boyfriend on how dependant you are on him. It sounds like you are a young person? and you are still learning yourself and trying to get an understanding to who you are as a person. So to your issue..
    Don't beat yourself up about how you handle certain situations I.e being crazy when your boyfriend is going out, as that causes so much more stress to you. Let alone to how stressed your boyfriend could feel.
    It's not healthy to rely on one person for everything, it's hard when you want to be that person's world and you hope they would feel the same as you do. But step back from that thought, would you be able to cope if it was the other way around? it would be draining for the both of you. Correct me if I am wrong but trust issues can be such a major holdback on any relationship. I'm just wondering, do you trust him when he is out? because thats the biggest problem to tackle, but once you get started it gets so much easier.
    Have you tried to do anything when he does go out? Like watch a movie, bake, read or anything you enjoy doing?
    He sounds like a lovely guy and i'm glad for you that you are so close. I know self issues can feel like your carrying the world on your shoulders. But take a day at a time and each day, just note to yourself, I will get a job, I will feel happier in myself and I will make this relationship work and you will both be happy. Things never get better over night so hang in there. Try to see some positives in the negatives, starting with you have a lovely boyfriend who loves you for who you are.
    I wish you all the best!

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    • Daniellaadams
      10 years ago

      Is there anyway I can contact you? Email or something
      X

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  • PeacefulThinking
    8 years ago

    You are very strong and aware to admit to your wrong doings. That is very admirable and a great step to working through this. It sounds like you are codependent. And i think its great that you realize this isnt healthy. For some people, it takes being out of the relationship to realize how unhealthy it was.
    When you have too much time on your hands your mind will run wild if you dont keep yourself productive, you will overthink to extremes. Do things that make you feel good and take care of yourself. Dont rely on him to make yourself feel good. You have the power to do these things on your own. A boyfriend that loves and cares for you is supposed to be like the icing on the cake. It makes it so much better.
    Enjoy a nice warmth bath with soapy bubbles, light yourself some candles and listen to music you enjoy. Try new things, maybe go for walks, go to a park. You could check out a support group even and meet some people that are struggling with the same thing. Pick up a book. You may not currently have the motivation to do these things.Depressions kills my motivation to do what i love, but its important to stay connected to what you can do for you.
    I really hope things get better for you. Best wishes and positive vibes your way. Im rooting for you!!

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  • Daniellaadams
    10 years ago

    Netgirl101 is there anyway I can contact you?
    Email or something

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  • TheProph
    10 years ago

    It's normal for crazy people who are in bad relationships. You need to realize he can't spend every waking minute with you, you're very young, he needs to hang out with friends, and he needs time away from you.

    No good relationship in the world involves spending all of your time together. Why do you think so many marriages end in divorce? Because the couples try to do everything together.

    I don't know of two people who spend all their time together and get along. Why do you think siblings fight so much when they're young and live in the same house, but then get along great when they're grown up and living on their own? A tiny part of it is they've matured, but the real thing is that they have time away from each other.

    You need to get a job, and other things to occupy your mind, because as you said, you're going to lose him if you don't get your jealousy sorted.

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  • Kayleenacole412
    10 years ago

    it's normal, you're just scared he will go back to his old ways if you give him to much slack, but trust is the most important part of the relationship,if you trust him then let him have.guy time or just breathe because.even though you guys love each other so much you still need space even if for an hour or two...he is still 20 regardless he's gonna want to act like it every.once in awhile.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    How's everything going? Hope you don't mind me asking, i'm just curious to see if things are getting any better.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    Get a new guy and suck him off regularly if you know how that is.

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