I have feelings for my married friend

67% Normal

My very best male friend is married. He and I are extremely close, and do everything together. We see each other at least 4 days a week, go to lunch or dinner and when we are not together we are either texting or having 2-3 hr phone conversations. We have alot in common and all we do is laugh. We do flirt back and forth all the time. When we greet each other or say our goodbuys its always with a hug and a kiss on the lips.
He is very faithful to his wife and always expresses that he would never hurt her, but I would have to say I spend more time with him than his own wife does. She knows about our friendship and does not mind. He even speaks to me while at home and she is aware of that too. His friends ask about the nature of our relationship all the time, as do mine. People to think we are a married couple because we are so very close.
Lately I have been finding myself extremely attracted to him. I love him with all my heart and would never act on my feelings, but its becoming hard to see him and not tell him about my feelings. I know he finds me attractive as he always mentions it. He has also said "If I wasn't married"... I don't know if he has the same feelings as I do. My friends think he has feelings as well.... I say NO. Is it normal to kiss friends on the lips??
Do I tell him how I feel?? I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, but I don't know how much more I can take. Please help

Voting Results

67% Normal

Based on 27 votes (18 yes)

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Comments ( 17 )

RoseIsabella

9 years ago

It would serve you well to take a break from this so called friendship of yours

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

Find someone who isnt married. Put yourself in his wifes shoes, how would you feel if your husband cheated on you? Dont jeprodise your best friends marriage because of greed.

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Darkoil

9 years ago

Either tell him how you feel and take a chance he feels the same way or stand by and do nothing. If he does want to pursue a relationship don't sully the beginning of it by cheating, make sure he ends it with his wife first.

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gorillaphant

9 years ago

If he is the only person you are like this with, then yes, you are treading in dangerous waters. however if his wife is free to have close relationships with other men and he has other females he is close with, there is no issue.

i kiss both male and female friends on the mouth, so does my partner. If you think this is an issue, it will become an issue. If you don't, then you might be a mature adult.

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

Just go all the way an talk to him about your attraction. If he is a true friend, then it won't affect your friendship, and he will understand.

Ya, never know, he may feel the same about you... at least the lines of communication will be open - you can start a new "closeness" in your friendship, or set new boundaries of the friendship. Talking about it is the adult thing to do - plus, if it turns out to be nothing then you two can always have something to laugh about later, OR be in love with each other.

If I had a friend who had a crush on me, and was putting himself through emotional anguish, I would want to relieve him by being the best friend ever and help him cope with it.

Just talk to him.

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confused00

9 years ago

Thanks for all the advise. Don't know why I asked strangers... maybe to get others views on this type of situation. People shouldn't throw stone either. Ya never know when YOU will be in a similar situation. I have since told him how I felt, and not to my surprise he felt the same. We both agreed that we wouldn't act on anything until things were dissolved with his wife. I'm not the whore you people made me out to be. Obviously his marriage was not very happy. We did share a kiss, but that was the extent of it. We both feel better with everything out in the open. Now we can move forward.

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confused00

9 years ago

I would agree under most circumstances, but we ate so different. I know everyone probably says that, but we are always open and honest and I truly believe that nothing would come between us.... even this

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- Incomplet
  
  9 years ago
  
  If you really believe that nothing could come between the two of you, why are you asking strangers on the internet for advice?
  
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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  No one likes the other woman! So, keep your nasty feelings to yourself and don't act like a skank with your so called friend if you give two shits about anyone other than yourself!
  :-)
  
  Have a nice day and be smart instead of skanky.
  
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confused00

9 years ago

First of all if you read my post carefully you would have seen the part where I said I would NEVER act on my feeling. I have way too much respect for him, myself and his wife to do that. Stepping back from the friendship is not an option. He and I are attached at the hip. We are too close to let anything come between us.... even my feelings. I believe he has feelings for me tho. I think he has a right to know how I feel and I may get some relief. Seeing him daily is amazing and I never cross the line. People don't pick and choose who they fall for. It wasn't my intention to fall for him. Just happened

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- NeuroNeptunian
  
  9 years ago
  
  Come back and let us know how this goes after about 6 months, or maybe a year. This post already looks like a pretty dark omen for his wife... I feel worse for her.
  
  I would not let myself get this close to a married man. It wouldn't be right. You may not be able to choose who you get close to but you can choose not to spend so much time around them and you can choose to let them go. It's not backing out of a friendship, it's being respectful and responsible.
  
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  - confused00
    
    9 years ago
    
    Like I said before stepping back is jot an option. I didn't mention this before because I didn't think it was relevant but we also work together.... so not only do we spend time together just being friends, but we do alot of business together. He relies on me for so many things. He has his own business that his wife has no interest in. I am his go to person. For ideas, to vent and for suggestions. And to answer another comment, he does kiss other women on the side of the mouth but there is a huge difference between the way he kisses them and the way he kisses me.
    
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    - NeuroNeptunian
      
      9 years ago
      
      It is EXTREMELY RELEVANT.
      Wow, well, I guess you should probably dial it down, then. I feel bad for this guys wife. You don't need to spend this much time with him to be his friend and continue a functioning business relationship. I have worked with plenty of married men who have expressed interest in spending time with me outside of work. Sorry, I'm busy. You don't have to be the one.
      
      I don't know about your culture, but I live in California, USA and in my particular realm of society, kissing other women is considered cheating and spending as much time with you as he has as opposed to his wife (aside from work) is considered an emotional affair, also cheating.
      
      I seriously feel terrible for this guy's wife. I have no problem with my Man working with other women and even being friends with other women, but heaven help him if I ever caught him kissing other women or spending as much quality time around a single woman.
      
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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  Excuses excuses.
  
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- thegypsysailor
  
  9 years ago
  
  Never say never. You are already interfering with his marriage, speaking with him when he is with his wife? You are kidding yourself, and I think you know it.
  Time to let this man go and find another one for you. There is absolutely nowhere good this relationship can go, for you or his wife.
  
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- Cuntsiclestick
  
  9 years ago
  
  Even though you won't act on those feelings, it might be better not to tell him how you feel. I've seen friendships fall apart after someone confesses their love for their friend.
  
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  - shuggy-chan
    
    9 years ago
    
    sooo is this a bad time to admit my true feelings....?
    
    LOLOLOL cause i just met you, and this is crazy
    
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Are You Normal?

I have feelings for my married friend