I have fallen in love with my step daughter

I can't believe people here!! Paedophile?? But the girl is 23y.o.! She's a woman!

Ah... well, I think it is completely normal to have fallen in love with someone younger than you. You can't feel guilty about it and unfortunately we do not command our hearts.

We cannot tell you what to do though. But I like this saying: If you love someone, set them free, if they return, they've always been yours, if they never return, they never were.

I can see that you are confused but for the sake of your STEP DAUGHTER please don't act on these feelings. You could really do some seriouse damage to her. The age difference is not the issue it's the relationship that is!!! I'm sorry to hear you feel this way and I hope you take this advice. Trust me as a child of a sick stepdad I know the harm you will cause.

Inappropriate.

Pedofile!!!!

Wow ur just sick! <3-Brittney <3-Makayla

@Zockery I have had a step father since I was 10, I am now 19. The thought of him wanting to have sex with me or knowing he has fantasized about me, would make me never want to speak to him again. However, you are NOT a pedophile. She is of LEGAL age & so are you. So, if she were to not be your step daughter, it would be completely fine for you to feel this way. Age has NOTHING to do with love. However, since she is your step daughter, these feelings really shouldn't happen. I suggest seeking counseling & figuring it all out. I also recommend divorcing her mother if you don't actually want to be with her. Plus, you won't have to see her daughter either.

He can't be a "pedophile" because she is an ADULT! Love is what it is. The heart knows what it wants, and the brain knows that it is wrong. I think he needs to divorce the wife. Move away, and leave the step-daughter in the past and move forward with his life. If it's meant to be, love will find him again.

Love's a bitch. Happens when you don't want/expect it.
Deal with it, get over the girl. You're too old for her, and it's not fair on your wife.

I appreciate your input. I have too much love and respect for my step-daughter to ever pursue her in a physical way. I am drawn to her but refuse to give in to those feelings. I am guilty of some fantasies but am wise enough to know the difference between fantasy and reality. She may only be my step-daughter but in my heart she is still my daughter and regardless how attractive she is, or what the circumstances are, any sexual contact would be creepy and totally wrong.

Okay, listen. My best friend in the world was in your stepdaughter's situation once. Her stepdad married her divorced mom, financial need kept them together, her mom got busy and tired and the relationship lost its spark. He started looking at my friend, younger and prettier and with a lot less ability to fight back.

He also deluded himself that it was "love," that she was an adult, that she reciprocated. What actually happened was that he raped her. Repeatedly. The fact that she didn't fight back because she knew she couldn't beat him and didn't want to get hurt more didn't make it not rape--a court decided that, and he got nine years in prison.

You'd be amazed how hard the brain can work to self-justify. My friend saw up close the lies he told himself and the justifications he made to make himself not the bad guy in his head. But he was a rapist.

No girl wants her stepdad hitting on her. None. The friend I mentioned isn't the only woman I know who survived getting raped by her stepdad--in fact, it's so common, when I hear "stepdad" I think "rapist." Don't be that guy. Please, don't be that guy. Get help. Leave them. Anything you have to do to not do this to this young woman. You are in a position of power over her. Real love can only happen between equals. She is not your equal, and if you pursue this, she will become your victim. Don't delude yourself.

Oh yeah, and those "hugs" that take a little too long with hands just a little too low on her back? She notices them. She's creeped out. She's just terrified to say anything. You know what I'm talking about. Please stop.

it seems your past relationship decisions haven't been the best or smartest. do some SERIOUS thinking before deciding to say anything. she still has 30-some years before your age, and time to avoid mistaken relationships as well (namely the possibility of her almost former stepfather.) this could mess with her idea of the ideal relationship and trust issues with father figures. just sayin.

stop before it`s to late.trust me i`m a step father myself that went all the way and i`ll burn in hell for it that i am sure of,and yes i love her,but she uses it against me when she really wants something or needs a big ass favor,and i can not say no..so do not head in that direction because it will eat you like a mad cancer.

No, just no.you might not be able to help your feelings but you can control how you act on them. This is just really inaprrpriate in your situation.

It's really sad kinda that we can't control are hearts. She's not your real daughter and its not like you raised her so I dont think this is creepy. But you can't persue her. It would be inapropriate and ruin your relationship with her as weel as with her mother. You will only end up hurt. I dont want to sound mean but realistically speaking she will probably reject you; you are married to and have slept with her mother, the age difference and the fact that she is in a relationship make the chances of her returning those feelings pretty slim.

love is love. Its normal, age dosent matter either.

STAY AWAAAAY ewe, man- I'm 23 yrs old w/a step-dad around your age and all this is doing is MAKING ME SICK! Just FYI, she'll probably feel the same way. Ugh...

feelings are feelings, but yes it would be inappropriate. the age thing doesnt matter, thats the least of the problem here in my opinion. i dont think it will ever be appropriate. good luck.

Only normal for woody Allen

OP: How old was your stepdaughter when you first met her? How long have you been married to her mother? Up till now, what has the nature of your relationship been with her? What sort of quality? Close, distant, caring, resentful, or something else, or even a combination of those things or others?

I'm not so quick to judge in this situation because I simply don't have sufficient information.

The stepdaughter is an adult, and if you were never actually her stepdad in any way other than title, I don't regard it as incestuous any more than, say, a teenage couple whose single parents meet and marry, making the teens legally stepsister and stepbrother. Sure, that's the title, but it's hardly the nature if their relationship. They've never ACTUALLY been siblings in any sense of the word, and in fact knew each other romantically before their parents met. They're only step-siblings in title, and nothing more.

I strongly agree that the existing marriage needs to end, regardless of your feelings for your stepdaughter. That's a completely separate issue inasmuch as it seems that you believe it was a mistake in and of itself. However, ask yourself whether your marital unhappiness is intensifying your feelings for your stepdaughter. The grass is always greener, after all.

I feel that at this time, time out would really help. It's always harder to be objective about a situation that you're still in.

As for the age difference being "wrong": phooey! You're both adults. What matters is the ages of those IN a relationship - not the age difference itself. There's what, 32 years' difference? Now, if she were 13 and you were 45? Oh yeah, big problem. But at 23, her brain has pretty much matured, and so hypothetically if there were a relationship, I see no problem. It's nonsense to say that she "needs" a younger man. Why would she? I can think of far more reasons to date an older man than a younger one, first of all being that more of them are settled, stable and surer about what they want. My husband is 13 years my senior, and I also had a relationship with a man 22 years older. Younger men were, generally, too immature. I wasn't interested in "a good time, not a long time" - I wanted stability. Older men tend to make fewer rash decisions. That's a REALLY great attribute.

But without further information, OP, I don't know whether you're a "sick, twisted" man. I just hope that perhaps my thoughts have been of use to you.

P.S. Anyone who names herself after Adolf Hitler's woman (Eva Braun) is probably going to be a troll, anyway. :)

YOU disgust me dont mess up her life by raping her or anyhting like that. You're 55 too old for another relationship.
In the top 10 things I most despise in this world are old men who go for young girls who really deserve someone of their age.
I think she's better off with that guy than with you.
YOU ZYMPHIBLOE

Freak.

She must be an amazing young woman. Obviously, do not act on these feelings. Rather, target your energies to being a strong father figure in her life. A strong male role model may help her find a more respectable man to date. Once you see her happy, it will help you get a sense of peace. As for you and the wife; focus on working out your difficulties to be a more close knit family. The pieces will fall jnto place.

I'm glad you're never planning on acting on those feeing... Ever. Yeah, some couples are separated by many years, but she's your stepdaughter and it would just hurt everyone, like you already know. Yes it's normal to fall in love with someone you're attracted to after you have spent a lot of time with them, that just doesn't normally happen with step children

Maybe this is just one of those times where you have to do her to get her out of you system.

I can see that most of you have failed to read my posts or you would have noticed that I have already chosen to never act on these feelings.

Maybe seeking a therapy could help. You deff should not act on those feelings. They are way out of line.
P.S. Get divorced!!! You shouldn't stay with someone for the wrond reassons.

Sorry princessT is right

The ppl above r being rude. U can't help who u love however it would probably be in both of ur. Best interests to ne'er yell her because that could really ruin things for u both

I agree with everyone above me.

seriously, you have to ask?

Love is natural man, it is normal!
but maybe you are a little bit old for her, she needs a ''hard'' boner you know..

You should be ashamed of yourself!

Wow, u are a wacko to the 5th power

Yeah... you're just a bit too old for her.

Oh no that's not good
Just stay away from her and try to get over her

How long has she been your step daughter?--- and this thought is definatly something you don't tell anyone

No offence but your just sick and pedophile's like you dont really belong in the world

Yeah, NOT normal. Very demented. Do not say anything to her.